Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Our First Marriage

That's right, I said our first marriage.  Nick and I have been married to each other twice

I've never been "lucky in love".  My whole life I watched all my friends "get the guy" while I watched from the sidelines.  And it wasn't because I didn't try, I just always ended up falling for the guy who wanted to be "just friends"...I HATE that phrase!  I didn't have my first "boyfriend" until I was in college, and he turned out to be a complete jerk.  But anyway, back to the story;

Nick and I met back in September of 2004 at church.  This was during the time that I couldn't drive, so Nick was kind enough to take me to all the church functions that he was also attending.  From the beginning we flirted with each other.  I thought he was VERY handsome, and he was so sweet to me.  He was also a "hot commodity"...there were A LOT of girls who had their eyes on Nick.  

One night, I was frustrated and wrote in my journal, "He's just a boy!  Yeah, right, just a boy.  Nick is one incredible man.  But alas, he's one that I will never have.  Maybe that's how I will get over the crush.  Realize that I will never have him, because that's what always happens.  I fall for a guy, he NEVER likes me back, and I spend too much time trying to get over him."......if I was only able to see into the future!

A few months passed and while everyone at church thought we were a couple, nothing was happening.  Same old story.  It was around this time, December 2004, that someone else at church caught my eye, in a BIG WAY!  We'll call him "T".  "T" and I hit it off right away and people began noticing that we were spending more time together, talking all the time.  Apparently Nick noticed this too.

Four days before Christmas, my cell phone rang at 1:30AM.  It was Nick.  He was very quiet.  I asked him if he was okay.  He said he was, but I wasn't convinced.  You don't just call someone at 1:30 in the morning unless you have something important to say!

A few moments passed and he begins to tell me that he has feelings for me and he thinks that we should be together.  My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest!  I still really liked him, despite hitting it off with "T".  I asked him how long he'd been feeling that way and he says to me, "Since right after I met you."  From that moment on, we were connected at the hip.

The end of February I picked out a ring.  The proposal was supposed to be a secret, but the ring shop called me looking for Nick.  His ring was ready...so much for plans!  One night in early March I came home from a church meeting and I knew that he was at my house, despite the fact that he tried to hide his car by parking somewhere he thought I wouldn't see it.  I was living with my mom at the time.  I asked her where Nick was, and she told me he was upstairs in the office.  As I was climbing the stairs, my heart was pounding.  When I walked into my room, this is what I saw:

It says, "Wendy, may I, Nicholls Jevon Toale have the honor of requesting your hand in an eternal covenant of marriage?  Will you marry me?  Well, are you going to say something???  Well, I'll just keep waiting...."

After reading the papers a few times, and taking in the moment, I realized I had no idea where Nick was!  He slowly popped up from behind the other side of my bed where he'd been hiding the whole time.  Of course I said yes!!

(If you ask him today, Nick will say this was a lame way to propose to me, but I thought it was perfect!!!)

Our engagement picture
We were married in the Oakland, Calfornia Temple
on June 24, 2005

Here are some of my favorite pictures from that wonderful day:

I LOVE this profile shot of Nick!

Nick and I moved back into the townhouse that my mom and I were sharing.  The biggest piece of advice I have to give newly married couples:  get your own place, away from family!  You need to adjust to eachother, and not have to worry about anybody else.  My mom would completely agree with me.  This was our first married mistake.

We had many, many trials the first year we were married.  In February 2006 we were able to get our own place, which was nice.  My health began to decline, I was having seizures all the time.  Four months after Brandon was born, Nick was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which was thankfully benign and was able to be removed without leaving any permanent damage.  Needless to say, life was stressful.

Where we fell apart was that instead of turning to eachother when we had problems, we turned to our family.  We just didn't know how to communicate and once our families were involved, opinions were flying from every direction, making it harder for both of us to know for ourselves what we wanted.  Instead of our trials bringing us closer together, they tore us further and further apart.  We were lost.

Unfortuntately we separated in February 2008, and our divorce was final in March 2009.  We just couldn't find a way to come together and make it work.

This is not the end of the story because nothing in life is ever easy...stay tuned to hear the story of how we found our way back home.

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