Wednesday, June 4, 2014

30 Days of Star Wars: Day 4

Favorite Part of The Phantom Menace

Ok, I wasn't looking forward to this day of the challenge AT ALL.  I have truly thought A LOT about this topic.  I've watched reviews and tribute videos on YouTube to try and jog my memory about this movie.  Short of actually watching it, I've done all I can think to do.   After much deliberation, my answer is this:  my favorite part of The Phantom Menace is...

the end credits!

This movie is simply awful.  We waited YEARS for this movie, and this is what we were given...a complete disgrace!  The only parts of the movie that are worth watching are when Ewan McGregor is on camera as Obi-Wan Kenobi!


So I've decided to change today's topic.  Instead of talking about my favorite part of The Phantom Menace, we're going to talk about...

Why I Can't Stand The Phantom Menace
(wow, I feel better already!)

I could go on about this for HOURS, I really could.  However, to spare you that huge rant, I'll just talk about the highlights as to why I can't stand this movie.  With help from the website 78 Reasons to Hate Episode 1, here are the main reasons I can't stand this movie.


I will not accept the fact that Anakin built C-3PO.  I won't do it.  Anakin says he's good at building things.  I'll believe that.  Brandon is 7 and can assemble huge lego sets very easily.  Maybe Anakin used an "Assemble Your Own Robot" home kit to make C-3PO; however, I doubt they would give those to slave boys.  There is one very easy defense to prove that he didn't build C-3PO:  Anakin Skywalker, a 10 YEAR OLD BOY, does not know SIX MILLION FORMS OF COMMUNICATION.  Throughout the trilogy we hear C-3PO mention this fact many times.  And he often speaks in different languages as well.  Case closed.  This was one of the STUPIDEST ideas in this movie.



An army entirely made of droids I will accept.  The fact that they have ranks I will not!  How can an army of mechanical objects have ranks?  Why are they giving commands through audible microphones?  They should simply draw weapons and fire.  Not only would this make them a scarier foe, but they would also probably spend a lot less time drawing comic attention to themselves and falling apart in a way that is meant to be humorous, but really just makes me want to throw up!



Jar Jar Binks is horrible.  A lot of people blame Jar Jar for ruining the ENTIRE movie.  While I don't agree with this AT ALL, I do agree that he brought an already shaky movie to an even lower level. He was just a ridiculous cartoon like character that didn't belong in a live action movie.  No matter how good the special effects were on him, he kept reminding you that he wasn't real by doing stupid things like extending his tongue and walking like a fool.  And don't even get me started on the absolutely obnoxious way that he talks!  With this character, George Lucas showed the world that he was more interested in selling toys than pleasing his VERY FAITHFUL audience.



The fact that all of the main characters happen to board a ship with R2-D2 is very lame.  But, after saving the day they have a stupid award ceremony for him!  If this had been any other droid, no credit would've been given to it.  The Queen's decoy, who is actually Amidala, scrubs down R2-D2 after she's told that the droid "deserves our gratitude".  SAY WHAT?!?  The movie would have benefited so much by just leaving this scene out!


The Yoda we know and love

Excuse me, but who are you?

With Yoda they used the same puppet that was used 20 years before.  They also got the same puppeteer and voice actor to perform this character.  On top of this, Yoda's lines were written by the same man. So why does he suck so much?  The whole time Yoda is on screen it's like listening to someone do a bad Yoda impression.  The grammar is messed up in all the wrong places and the puppet looks awful. The first picture is from The Empire Strikes Back, the second, from The Phantom Menace.  They look NOTHING alike, even though all the same people are involved, and the same puppet was used!



When Darth Maul finally meets up with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan it is pretty cool how they prepare for battle.  The Jedi stare the Sith down.  After Qui-Gon's death we are faced with the biggest disappointment.  Obi-Wan is hanging on for dear life.  It seems like Darth Maul has got him trapped when all of a sudden Obi-Wan just flips up, uses the force to grab Qui-Gon's lightsaber and then simply slices Darth Maul in half.  Done.  An otherwise pretty awesome battle ends in the stupidest, suspense-free way ever.  You would think that since the two Jedi were having trouble keeping up with Darth Maul while fighting together, that Obi-Wan would've had more of a challenge when it came to defeating him.  This was also the biggest waste of a bad guy.  Maul is introduced by mugging for the camera.  We then see him riding around Tatooine on what looks like a motorcycle.  He looks like a really bad guy, and instead of using him to attempt to turn Obi-Wan to the dark side in future films, they slice him in half.  Such a shame.

So, these are my main issues with this movie.  Honorable mentions include:

Midi-chlorians, Anakin's virgin birth, the INCREDIBLY long pod race, the fact that Anakin's mom had to remain in slavery after Anakin helped the Jedi, and the incessant, slap you in the face reminders of things that are going to happen because we KNOW they happen in episodes 4-6!


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