Sunday, June 8, 2014

30 Days of Star Wars: Day 8

Attack of The Creepy Stalker Movie

Attack of the Clones was another horrible installment in the prequel trilogy.  Maybe even worse than The Phantom Menace.  I have SO MANY ISSUES with this movie, but my main complaint is the "love story" (or lack of one) between Anakin and Padme.  It is the most unrealistic thing I've ever seen in my life.  The romance in this movie is just plain creepy and disturbing.  It's also the main focus of the movie, so there's no avoiding it.

Don't agree with me?  Here are my reasons why the "romance" is what killed this movie (again, with help from 64 Reasons to Hate Episode 2:)

1.   Anakin and Padme meet up 10 years after The Phantom Menace.  Assassins are trying to kill her, and the Jedi, specifically Anakin, have been tasked to protect her.  Their very first conversation sets the stage for the disaster.

Padme:  "Annie? My goodness you've grown."
Anakin:  "And you've grown.  More beautiful."

It didn't bother me in The Phantom Menace when everyone called Anakin "Annie".  Yes, it was strange, since he's not a girl with red hair singing about wanting the sun to come out tomorrow; but he was only 10, so it worked.  Now he's in his late teens, early 20's, and to hear him called "Annie" just doesn't sit well with me.  Every time I heard it in this movie I was looking for Daddy Warbucks to enter the room.  I was a little disappointed when it didn't happen!!

2.  Anakin goes from being this little sweetheart in The Phantom Menace to being a complete jerk in Attack of the Clones.  He's whiny, creepy, annoying, rude and arrogant.  He also throws temper tantrums at two or three points in the movie.  What happened to him?  He was a pretty well adjusted kid and you would figure that under the guidance of the Jedi he would become even more stable.  Instead he turned into a total doofus.  He creeps out Padme by just staring at her like a stalker and when she says, "Please don't look at me like that," he responds by saying, "Sorry," but also displays a sinister grin and continues to stare at her!  What kind of fool would do this and what's more is why would she be at all attracted to someone like this? There's absolutely no reason why she would fall in love with someone like this.  Return of the Jedi works so hard at making the evil Darth Vader into a likeable character despite the things that he has done.  This movie comes along and makes the viewer hate Anakin just because he's a total jerk.  A huge hole is left in the plot as to why he became this way that just leaves us asking, "Why did Anakin become such a creep?"

3.  After being with Padme for about a day Anakin decides it's acceptable to show his true colors and he has a fit.  Anakin gets upset after he can't save his mother from the sand people.  He goes on this tirade that is supposed to show us how he has a dark side.  Something like this could stand to be a little more subtle since about one fifth of the Earth's population is already aware that Anakin has a dark side. His second temper tantrum has him screaming five-year-old things like: "I will be the most powerful Jedi ever!" and "I should be all-powerful!"  

Then he throws some stuff and says, "It's all Obi-Wan's fault!"  What?  What does he mean?  How could this be Obi-Wan's fault?  Basically he just screams for no reason.  He does do a fairly good job of capturing the essence of Luke from the first movie but he also does a really good job of flipping out for no reason and yelling at people he hardly knows or hasn't seen in years.   And once again we're left wondering what on Earth Padme sees in this whiny boy who seems to throw a fit every chance he gets!

4.  The audience is left stunned as Anakin begins saying to Padme that, "I don't like sand.  It's coarse and irritating and it gets everywhere.  Everything here is soft and smooth."  You can sense they're going to kiss but you think that you must be wrong because everything up until this point has showed Anakin to be a total dummy and that she must be creeped out.  When they begin kissing you can't help but wonder why it's happening.  The music gets loud and grand but then she snaps away and the music cuts quickly leaving a decaying reverb in the theatre and it's just plain comical.  You can't help but laugh out loud.  And yet somehow, this happens.....

It's amazing that these two actors had a romance in real life with the distinct lack of sparks we saw on the screen.  This is not your father's Star Wars romance.  Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher must feel embarrassed for these two actors. 

Below is a YouTube video I found about Anakin and Padme.  The owner of this video is using it as a tribute to how wonderful their love was.  I'm using it to show exactly how ABSURD and RIDICULOUS their "love story" is.  The video goes all the way through Revenge of The Sith, but I only watch it through the clips from Attack of The Clones.

Do you agree with me now?

However, no matter how horrible this "love story" is, in the end, this is true:

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