Sunday, October 12, 2014

Change Is Never Easy

...especially when you weren't looking for it to begin with.

The past 2 months have been a challenge...a HUGE challenge.  I thought loosing my job was difficult.  I was wrong.  That was the easy part!

After I obtained a new job, many decisions had to be made, and quickly.  Should we stay in Tooele, in a house we LOVE and commute into town so that we could stay in our fabulous ward and near our terrific friends, or should we pay more on rent and move closer?  After number crunching and much thought, we decided it would be best to move to West Jordan.  The next problem was our lease.

The beginning of August, right after receiving the new job,  I informed the property management people that we would probably be breaking our lease and moving, so they needed to get on the bandwagon and find someone to rent the house.  We didn't want to break the lease, but moving to West Jordan would put me 5 minutes away from work instead of almost an hour away.

The beginning of August I began packing.  By the way, I HATE PACKING!  Members from our ward came out the night before we moved and helped us load up the U-haul truck.  Saying goodbye wasn't easy.  The morning we left I put the last box into my car, and just stood looking at the front of our tears.  I didn't want to go, plain and simple.  I wanted to unload the truck myself, unpack all the boxes, and continue living in a place I had grown to love, and go back to the job I loved more than anything.  Since that wasn't going to happen, off we went.

We now live closer to the Salt Lake airport.  I LOVE hearing the planes that are preparing to land. We also live across from a small airport that is used for flying lessons.  There are a lot of military helicopters in the area, and where they are the coolest thing to see flying in the air, they are SO VERY LOUD!  

I began training for my new job, and was looking forward to the new school year.  I was sad to move, but grateful for the new job that came so quickly and looked promising.  Well, it hasn't been the easiest transition.  We're almost 7 weeks into the new school year and job.  I keep thinking that things will get easier; and they aren't.  I seem to take 1 step forward, and 2 steps back.  I am busier than ever with things that, as a teacher, I shouldn't have to be dealing with.  I've developed an insane caffeine addiction...the people working at the gas station around the corner from our house practically know me by name, and I continue to gain weight.  Oh well, with all the stuff on my plate, who has time to exercise anyway?!?  No matter how much I remind myself each day to be positive and look for the good things in life, I'm just not happy.  I miss my friends, our old house, ward, and most of old job.  I've been back to Tooele a few times since we've moved, and it's been too much for me.  I've had to avoid driving by the school while driving into Tooele.  We all knew each other's first names, what was happening in our lives...we were family.  I lost my family when I lost that job.  That is what hurts the most.

To makes matters even more fun, the house in Tooele hasn't rented yet, because the property management company has been sitting on their butts doing nothing to get it rented.  So the landlords are mad at us, which I understand.  I'm frustrated because they've known about this since the beginning of August...plenty of time to find another family to rent it, in my opinion.  Moving back over the mountain has proven to be more expensive, too.  You'd think that making more money would mean you'd have more money....I should know better by now!  Since there's only 3 of us in our family, a ridiculous amount of money comes out of my checks so that we avoid owing money come tax season.  Medical insurance will begin to be taken out next month, and the price of that is going up quite a bit too.  (Again, thank you to Obama and his STUPID "insurance" idea) When that happens, I'll end up taking home less each month than I did when we were in Tooele!!

My health is also getting worse, and I'm now on another medication to hopefully give me better control.

I know that this was the right choice.  Of the 3 job offers I received that day, I know this was the job I was supposed to take.  I also know this is where we were supposed to move to.  What I'm struggling with is this:  WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?  WHY am I so unhappy when I know this is where we're supposed to be?

 I'm tired of not knowing WHY we're here. WHY did this all have to happen to begin with?  WHY wasn't this entire issue worked out when those involved didn't want me to loose my job and fought to keep me at the school to begin with?  I have ideas about that one, but you'll have to ask me!!

I was happy in Tooele, making a difference, working with people I adore, at a school Brandon LOVED.  I was finally making friends, which is something that doesn't come easily for me.  We were in a house that, where it had flaws, on a whole, we LOVED.


I feel a little better now.  Okay, not really, but venting is always healthy, in my opinion!

I'll leave you with three quotes that I found.  These are easier said than done, but I'm working on it!

Trust me, I'm trying VERY, VERY HARD to remember all these things!

1 comment:

  1. Wendy, I can so totally, completely relate to this. I have asked these exact questions many times in the last 10 years. It is so difficult to have a positive attitude about things! The other day, Jenna was upset because she had to come inside from playing with her friends so she could do homework. I said, "Jenna. You can either be miserable and upset that you have to come in or you can be grateful that you got to play when you weren't expecting it." She chose to be grateful (good girl.) But how many times do I *not* practice what I'm preaching to my kids?? Another thing I try to remember is that somebody always has it worse. I remember feeling very much on my pity pot when I had brain surgery and Jake was school and we lived in a tiny, tiny, tiny little house and I had two little kids and life was just HARD. And then I realized that at least I was alive to be in a tiny, tiny, tiny little house and to see those two little kids and my husband was in school for US! So we could live in a not-so-tiny house. Having a good perspective is a skill that takes time to develop. You are a great person. I'll always cherish the time we had together in Turlock. Whenever the topic of visiting teaching comes up, I tell people about you and how you really developed my testimony of visiting teaching. You are a strong woman. You can handle this difficult period in your life. Give it time and when you start to see the picture unfold, you'll look back and say, "Ah. Now I get it." Right now you just only have a piece of the puzzle. Hang in there. Keep your head up. And remember that you're beautiful no matter what size you are. And also remember that people still read your blog and you need to update it more often. Much love!!