Can a Child Make Life-Altering Decisions?

Yesterday on Facebook, a friend of mine had posted an article about a family who has decided to let their 7 year old daughter live as a boy.  The child was 5 when the decision was originally made.  This friend asked for polite comments, as he wanted to start a discussion about this topic.

Last night, it started a discussion with my husband and I.    Read the article here, and then the video is below.



Ryland is the same age as Brandon.  After watching it once, I watched it again, with Brandon in mind. It was difficult to wrap my head around this.  I realize that I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THESE PARENTS HAVE GONE THROUGH, AND I DON'T HAVE ALL THE DETAILS OF THIS STORY.  I also realize that it's NOT MY PLACE to judge them. Attempting to keep my religious beliefs out of this, since that will lead me to the NATURE vs. NUTURE part of this controversy (which I'm not interested in debating right now), I wanted to look at this as objectively as I could.  I still found many aspects of this story that bothered me a great deal.  There are many questions I wish I could ask this family.  Honest, sincere questions.


Right out of the gate, the biggest concern I have is the age of Ryland.  She was only 5 when this decision was made.  Does a 5 year old have the mental capacity to truly make this decision?  Can they really comprehend that they are the wrong gender and would rather live the rest of their life in the opposite sex?  I would argue NO.  When we are young, we say and do things because we don't fully understand. Brandon has told me on many occasions that when he grows up he wants to marry me.  Does that mean I should start planning the wedding?  NO!  I redirect him, as parents so often do, and SHOULD.  When Brandon says this to me, I let him know that mommies don't marry their children, and that mommy is married to daddy. Brandon is too young to understand what marriage is.  If Ryland had told her parents she thought she was a dog, would they have bought her a leash and started walking her around the block?


I'm very curious to know how often Ryland spoke about being a boy.  Was it a casual comment in the bathtub, like on the video, or was it a constant battle?  If it was, remember again that she was 5 when this decision was made.  Do we give 5 year olds everything they want?  We SHOULDN'T, although it's becoming more and more the norm in society.  Do you always get everything you want, even as an adult?  Probably not.  I want to look like a Victoria's Secret model, and be millions of dollars richer with a huge house.  It's not going to happen.  The video shows Ryland's life after choosing to live as a boy.  She is playing baseball; girls do that.  She is playing soccer; girls do that, too.  Who cares if she doesn't like girly stuff....neither do I.  I HATE the color pink, and I'd rather talk about Star Wars than celebrity gossip.  Does that mean that I was born in the wrong body?  What criteria is set that determines this?  The age Ryland was when this decision was made is my biggest issue with this.


What happens when Ryland hits puberty?  She will grow breasts, her hips will develop, and her period will begin.  If she is living life as a boy, I can only imagine how traumatizing this will be for her.  Heck, it's traumatizing for any girl who DOESN'T think they are the wrong gender!  Ryland is now known as as a boy.  Won't these changes alienate her from others even more?  Can her parents begin giving her testosterone injections?  I'd love to hear if/how her parents are preparing her for this, because it has the potential to lead straight to the suicide concerns her parents pointed to as one of the biggest reasons they made this decision FOR her.  (and on a side note, I'd like to know how many 5 year olds struggle with suicide?) Like I mentioned earlier, I don't believe Ryland has the mental capacity to make this decision at the age of 5.  Who knows, when Ryland hits puberty, her feelings about this may change.  And since her parents have already committed her to this life choice by allowing her to dress and look like a boy, changing the pronouns to he/him, and they've even sent letters out to people explaining the change, what happens if she does change her mind and decides she wants to be a girl? Isn't there even more potential for trauma in her life?


What would I do if this was Brandon?  He is the same age as Ryland.  He is too young to make this kind of decision.  If 5 was old enough, then states would change the parental responsibility age from 18 to 5.  It's my job to help teach and guide him, the best way I can, until he is able to make these life-altering decisions on his own.  I realize that is EXACTLY what these parents are trying to do.  This is what they believe is right for their daughter.  However, I would wait until Brandon had already gone through puberty, and was older.  I hear many stories of teenagers who struggle with this and decide to live their life as the opposite sex.  By their teenage years, where they are by no means perfect decision makers, (we never are!) they are much more mentally capable to make this decision.  There is more of an understanding about life, their bodies, and what they want.  Would I be happy?  No.  Would I understand the decision?  No.  Would I do all I could to support Brandon?  Yes.  He will always be my son, and I will always love him, no matter what choices he makes in his life...whether I agree with them or not.


The bottom line for me is this:  Do I believe a 5 year old is capable of making life-altering decisions like this? NO.  I am very curious to see what is happening with this family 5 years from now. I hope that all is well, but I have my doubts.

30 Days of Star Wars: Day 1

As we head into the first week of summer vacation, it's time for another 30 day challenge.  I'm really excited about this one, because it gives me the opportunity to talk about my favorite movie for the next 30 days.  Where you would think this challenge would be simple for me, I've been working on it for almost 3 months because I'm so passionate about this franchise.

Welcome to 30 Days of...

There will be MULTIPLE spoilers.  So, if you haven't watched episodes 4, 5, and 6....read this at your own risk...I will be completely giving the story away.  I'll also be talking about the prequels.  If you've never seen those, PLEASE DON'T EVEN BOTHER...they are HORRIBLE!  With that in mind, here we go!

All Time Favorite Star Wars Character

Right out of the gate I'm torn.  My favorite character depends on the mood that I'm in.  Sometimes I'm in the mood for the sweet boy who longs for adventure, and always wants to do what is right.  Other days I'm more interested in the bad boy with a good heart, who only cares about himself...until he meets a princess.  I can't make an absolute decision on this one, so I'll talk about both of them!

Luke Skywalker is one of my favorite characters for many reasons.  He starts off as the young, naive, farm boy who wants nothing more than to get away from home and live a life full of adventure. Through a series of events, he gets his wish; adventure follows him wherever he goes.  Along the way he meets new friends, learns that he has the ability to become a Jedi, discovers secrets about his family, has his arm cut off by Darth Vader, only to learn moments later that Vader is his father, and faces the greatest villain in the galaxy when he confronts the Emperor...and lives to tell about it.  All of these experiences mold Luke into a mature man.

Han Solo is my other favorite character.  His name says it all...he's solo, and cares only about himself. A scruffy-looking nerfherder, he begins his journey by shooting a bounty hunter (FIRST, by the way!) and is only concerned about the money he is receiving from saving the princess.  He wants nothing to do with helping the members of the rebellion fight the empire.  However, we see Han Solo's soft side by the end of Star Wars, and it shines bright throughout the rest of the trilogy as he not only falls in love with said princess, but becomes a General in the rebellion. He may be out for himself in the beginning, but Han Solo shows us that underneath it all, he's a teddy bear!

And Now On To The Next Phase

We had another doctor's appointment this afternoon.  Since increasing Brandon's medication two weeks ago, he has improved significantly in the main behavior areas of ADHD.  Where he continues to struggle is with his social cues and lack of a filter.  When Brandon gets an answer wrong in class, he will often yell back at the teacher, or start to cry.  He often tries to be the teacher and tell everyone what to do.  These are symptoms of the impulsivity side of ADHD.

Now that Brandon has improved quite a bit, the doctor has told me it's time to move on to the counseling side of his treatment.  I was hoping that this was the next step.  Counseling is where Brandon will be taught how to handle the "real world" situations that he currently struggles with.  I work with him everyday to remember to only worry about himself, to not act like he's the teacher.  I tell him every night that it's okay to get questions wrong at school.  I'm excited that Brandon will have the chance to work with someone who does this for a living.  And I'm excited to see the new, positive changes that this phase will bring.  Counseling will start 2 or 3 times a week, and then taper off from there.

I do have a few reservations.  I'm hoping that the counseling is more like this:

and not like this:

Counseling, yes:  psychiatry, no.

As we come to the end of this school year, I want everyone to know just how grateful I am to all of Brandon's wonderful teachers.  They have been so patient, kind, understanding, and loving.  They have worked with me, listened to me, updated me.  This process has been made easier because of their involvement.

Could It Already Be Working?

We are just over a week into the increased medication dose with Brandon and it looks like things might be turning around a little for Brandon.  His teachers are reporting that he is doing better at focusing in class, and sitting in his chair; he's also not walking around the room at inappropriate times.  He is much more in control of his emotions, and can handle himself better throughout the entire school day.

It hasn't been all smooth sailing though.  Today, Brandon had a pretty big meltdown.  Some of his classwork was misplaced, and even though Brandon knew that he had turned it in he had to move a card for not having it done.  Brandon has been working very hard the past 4 weeks to always have his card stay on green, so moving to yellow was upsetting for him.  (For those of you who are unfamiliar with what card moves are, it's the behavior system for Excelsior Academy. When a scholar in unprepared, or is disrespectful, etc., they move a colored card to help remind them to work harder)

Anyway, once Brandon was back in control of his emotions, and no longer screaming in the hallway (yikes!), he and his teacher talked about how sometimes mistakes will happen and when they do, we might have to do work over again.  His teacher also told me Brandon hadn't moved his card yet prior to their conversation.  He suddenly says to her, "Oh, I forgot to move my card.  Let me fix that."  Then he moved his card and was proud of himself for doing it.  The best part about this is that before he began medication, a meltdown like this would've tanked the rest of his day.  Today, he was able to completely turn his behavior and attitude around.

I originally heard about his meltdown during my lunch break.  Other teacher's had seen what was happening and let me know.  Brandon is in his math class while I'm at lunch.  Each day, I wait for Brandon after math and walk with him back to his homeroom class.  He lets me know how his day has been going.  After hearing about his meltdown, I was sure that he would break into tears when he saw me, like he has done so many times in the past.  Instead of looking defeated and crying, he had a slight smile on his face while he told me about what happened.  I was very proud of him.

After school he came running upstairs to my room and yelled with joy, "Mommy, I stayed on yellow...I did it!"

We're only a month into this process with Brandon.  I went back and forth about this decision for a while before finally taking him to the doctor.  For Brandon, treating him has made all the difference. There's not a doubt in my mind that I made the right decision.

May The 4th Be With You...Call Me Maybe?

Since it's International Star Wars Day, the internet is filled with all things Star Wars related.

I was never a big fan of the song "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen. Many people have done versions of this song.  I'm always impressed simply because I can appreciate the time and effort that goes into making these videos.  I just found another version and I wouldn't be able to call myself a Star Wars fan if I didn't share it.  With over 10 million hits, this is BY FAR, the BEST parody of "Call Me Maybe".

For your viewing pleasure, "Call Me Maybe", by the cast of Star Wars.