The Rise of Skywalker Review: The Fall of a Franchise

I will be spoiling EVERYTHING about The Rise of Skywalker, so if you haven't seen it yet, now is the time to leave; but PLEASE come back and read this once you have! 

Ok, you've been warned.  Continuing on.....

Just like before, to make writing this easier for me, I'm going to be using a lot of acronyms.  Here is a list, to help anyone who is unfamiliar with them:

TPM= The Phantom Menace
AOTC = Attack of The Clones
TCW = The Clone Wars
ROTS = Revenge of The Sith
RO = Rogue One
ANH = A New Hope
ESB = Empire Strikes Back
ROTJ = Return of the Jedi
TFA = The Force Awakens
TLJ = The Last Jedi
TROS = The Rise of Skywalker
EU = Expanded Universe
OT = Original Trilogy

And here a new, VERY IMPORTANT acronym:

MB = Member Berries; something that evokes feelings of nostalgia.  The sequel trilogy has relied HEAVILY on it

The Last Jedi forever divided the fans.  Two years later people are still fighting with each other about whether this movie was the greatest thing ever made, or the worst thing to ever happen to Star Wars.  To read my reviews of both The Force Awakens, and The Last Jedi, click HERE, and HERE.

I was expecting this movie to be a train wreck.  I'd heard MANY of the rumors that Disney ALLOWED to surface, and figured I'd be coming out of the theater laughing.  I've had 2 years to realize and digest the fact that Star Wars will never be the same while Disney owns it.  Knowing this didn't make the movie any easier to stomach.

The Rise of Skywalker moves at about 1,000 MPH so that you don't realize things aren't being explained to you, the audience.  From the moment the opening crawl ends until about the last 30 minutes of the movie, you aren't given the chance to breath and take in what you're watching.  There are so many things happening on screen, it's frustrating and difficult to pay attention.  This felt like it was 2 movies smashed into one, which was unfortunate.  Had they simply SLOWED DOWN, maybe made a fourth movie, and taken their time, this had the potential to be awesome.  Again, remember that Disney has done this so that you don't have the chance to recognize the plot points that make absolutely no sense.  Just as you're about to catch on....BOOM....we're off to another planet or problem. It took multiple views for me to catch everything, which I also think was part of Disney's plan.  Disney wants your money.  I've now seen this movie 3 times, and I think I've spotted enough issues to give an accurate review.  Is Disney going to be able to stick the landing for this last episode of what has now become stupidly referred to as "The Skywalker Saga"?  In one word:  NO.

I have SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS MOVIE.  I'm going to go over the BIG, GLARING issues, and then I'm going to nitpick.  Here we go.


1.  The Plot

The plot is a big, fat mess.  It's very difficult to explain it, so here's a video to help you out.




I think that about covers it.


2.  The Return of Emperor Palpatine

The Last Jedi left JJ Abrams trapped in a corner.  Not only did Ruin (Rian) Johnson butcher and kill Luke Skywalker, but he had the main villain chopped in half an hour into the movie.  Where was he to go from here?  Well, since JJ, Ruin, and Disney, have basically been copying and pasting from the OT, why not just keep stealing ideas?  I know....let's bring back the VERY DEAD EMPEROR. Better yet, let's also reveal he's alive in the OPENING CRAWL, and expose his entire plan in the first seven minutes of the movie!  We don't need to use this reveal to help build up the story! What a GREAT IDEA!

Are you kidding me?  When I heard his unmistakable cackle in the trailer, I rolled my eyes so hard that I was afraid they would pop out the back of my head.  Emperor Palpatine is DEAD.  Vader, who had turned back to the good side, and was once again Anakin Skywalker, threw his old, wrinkly butt down the REACTOR CORE OF THE DEATH STAR.

Does anyone working at Disney and Lucasfilm remember this?



Apparently not.  If this wasn't enough to convince you that he was dead, how about this, which took place about 5 minutes later?



Umm...I don't care HOW strong in the Force you are, light or dark, you're NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS EXPLOSION!  Ian McDiarmid, the actor who has played the Emperor in all movies, said in an interview last week that he had a conversation with George Lucas a few years ago regarding whether or not the Emperor was actually dead.  Lucas made it clear that the Emperor was, indeed, dead.  Thanks, Disney.

So, how is it possible that Palpatine survived all of this?  We aren't given an answer to this one.  As Kylo Ren is walking into the new throne room, we hear Sheev (that's the Emperor's name, for those who didn't know) repeat the line he gave Anakin in ROTS:

It's later implied that he may be a clone, but nothing is ever explained.  I have a feeling that the book adaptation of TROS will try to explain this away, however, I shouldn't need to read a book or a comic to get the entire story.  Why wasn't Kylo Ren turned into the lead villain?  He became the Supreme Leader at the end of TLJ, and this is the obvious next step.  There was no need to bring Palpatine back.


3.  A ZILLION Star Destroyers

While talking with Kylo during the first seven minutes of the movie, (A LOT HAPPENS in these first seven minutes!) it's also revealed that Palpatine has this MASSIVE fleet.  He raises the Star Destroyers out of the water, and tells Kylo that it can all be his if he kills Rey.  Umm...what?!?  Where did he get the THOUSANDS of people needed to command these ships, the MONEY needed to build all of these, and while we're at it:  were all the people inside these ships living underwater for the past 30 years?!?  It's this kind of crap that makes me mad.


4.  Death Star - Star Destroyers

Oh, did I forget to mention that now each Star Destroyer has a Death Star laser on it?!?  What's better than one Death Star.....an entire PLANET that's a Death Star!  What do we do when that planet is destroyed....we create an entire FLEET of Star Destroyers that have Death Star lasers on them!  This is just getting dumber and dumber.


5.  The Rebel Fleet

To fight against all these new and improved Star Destroyers, the Resistance (Rebellion) launches an attack.  Where did all of these people come from?  At the end of TLJ, a call is made for ANYONE to come and help.  They all receive the message, yet  NO ONE SHOWS UP.  All it took was Lando and Chewie flying around the galaxy for a few hours to assemble the largest fleet we've ever seen by the Rebellion?  Sure, Lando is a smooth talker, but this is a load of crap.


6.  C3PO and Chewbacca

When I first saw this part of the trailer, I knew there was NO WAY ON THIS PLANET that 3PO was talking about Rey, Poe, and Finn when he was talking about taking a last look at his friends.  He HAD to be seeing a picture of his actual friends during this emotional moment.  You know, these guys:

And then I saw the movie...and he was talking about 3 people he BARELY KNEW.  Such a let down.  This was supposed to be a sad moment.  Here is C3PO having his mind wiped AGAIN, only this time because it was a plot convenience.  I was actually bumming out.  But no need to worry, because about 30 minutes later his mind is magically restored by R2D2!

This same stupid move was used earlier in the movie with Chewbacca.  He's captured and being taken to a ship by The First Order.  Rey attempts to bring the transport down to the ground using the Force, and it blows up.  When I first saw this, my thought was, "Well, Disney is killing all of the OT characters.  Guess it was Chewie's time"...and I was pissed.  But no need to worry, five minutes later it's revealed that Chewie was on a different transport and he's alive.  By the way, there was NO OTHER SHIP in the sky.  I looked for this on my 2nd and 3rd viewing of this movie! Why does Disney even bother with this misdirection if they're going to undo it all ten minutes later?  So pointless.

And while we're talking about Chewbacca, where did Maz get the medal?  I heard on YouTube that in some book or comic, Han Solo had sold Luke's medal from A New Hope. That is so unbelievable.  Han Solo wouldn't do that.  Apparently this is the medal she gives to Chewie.  I'm sorry, but this felt like a slap in the face to the fans, and the character of Chewbacca.  This was one of the biggest changes the fans wished Lucas had made when he released the Special Editions back in 1997.  Unfortunately, he never did.


7.  Leia

Carrie Fisher died shortly after completing work on The Last Jedi.  There was so much speculation about how they were going to handle her character in The Rise of Skywalker. The decision was made that unused footage of her from TFA would be how they would continue her story.  Unfortunately, it was creepy.  It was obvious that everyone's dialogue was written around what she had already said, and knowing that she passed on just felt weird.  Leia should've been killed in the beginning of this movie, or better yet, she should've passed at the end of TLJ.

They killed Leia off in the dumbest way.  She feels the need to call out to Ben, and somehow, that kills her.  Luke had to physically project himself across the galaxy and engage in a lightsaber fight before he was killed (which STILL makes my blood boil), but all Leia had to do was use the Force to call out to Ben?  TLJ showed us that she's not that weak in the Force.  Remember "Leia Poppins"?  And this movie shows us that she actually did train with Luke.  So why did simply calling out to Ben kill her? Such lazy writing.  And not a proper send off to a beloved character and actress.

We were given the opportunity to see characters mourn the loss of another.  We were denied Luke's reaction to Han's death since Ruin decided to cut the scene from TLJ.  Chewie hardly reacted to Han's death in TFA, and wasn't given a hug by Leia, but when Leia died, the fans FINALLY got to see the emotions we would expect our characters to be feeling!  Watching Chewie realize that he's now lost EVERYONE was heartbreaking.  It's touched me each time.


8.  Luke

JJ Abrams had to retcon (retroactive continuity) A LOT of TLJ.  Most of those changes came with the scene where our beloved, DEAD, COWARDLY Jedi Master reappeared.  Unfortunately, this scene also created MANY more issues.

Rey went back to Ahch-To, the island where Luke hid for years.  She is angry and has decided to do the same thing Luke has done...hide away.  She goes to throw her lightsaber away, when suddenly it's stopped mid-air by Luke's hand, and he comes walking towards her while holding it.  The theater I was in erupted in screams when this happened.  I wanted to scream in excitement too, but couldn't. It was a cool shot, but there was no logic behind it.

He tells Rey that "A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect".  I seriously almost choked on my popcorn when I heard that.  This line was a clear "middle finger" to Ruin Johnson, but it made Luke look even dumber.  If a Jedi's weapon deserves more respect, then WHY DID YOU THROW YOUR FATHER'S LIGHTSABER OVER YOUR SHOULDER AND INTO THE OCEAN?!?  Luke then continues to tell Rey that he was wrong to hide away on Ahch-To, another middle finger to Ruin.  That made me laugh.  I have one other big problem.  Luke's hair was longer in this movie than it was in TLJ.  I mean, a lot longer.  I caught it the moment he came on screen. HOW DOES A DEAD MAN'S HAIR GROW?


9.  The Force

I need to detour here for a moment.  The sequel trilogy has made a lot of people mad for many reasons.  One of the most controversial issues has been how the Force can suddenly do so much more than it could before.  There are new powers on display in this movie, and it's just getting ridiculous.  In the past, Force Ghosts only came around to give encouragement to the Jedi, or enlighten them about things.  Obi-Wan called out to Luke multiple times during ANH, and at the beginning of ESB he still only appeared briefly.  Take this quote from Obi-Wan in ESB:



FORCE GHOSTS CAN'T INTERFERE with what is going on around them.  Canon created.  Done.

Then TLJ comes around and throws all that lore out the window.  Ghost Yoda appears to Luke while he's on Ahch-To, and, well, see for yourself:



This looks like interfering to me!  So, now Force Ghosts can shoot lightning from the sky?!?  Gee, you think maybe Luke could've used that help in ESB when he was literally FREEZING to death on Hoth?

While talking to Rey in TROS, Ghost Luke uses the Force to pull his X-Wing up from the bottom of the ocean so that she can take it.  Here is another example of something a Force Ghost shouldn't be able to do!  This was a stupid call back to ESB when Luke couldn't pull it out of the swamp on Dagobah.  Ooooo, Member Berries (MB)....now Luke can do it!  That's so exciting!  Sorry, but no.  This just isn't how Star Wars has ever worked.  And on a side note:  my nephew called to my attention whether or not his X-Wing should even be working in the first place.  We know it worked after being pulled out of the swamp, but Luke's been on the island for YEARS.  It's an interesting thought.

The Force can now do pretty much anything.  Another new power that has been established is the ability to heal.  Early in TROS, Rey "transfers" life energy to heal a wound on this ginormous snake who is threatening to kill her, Finn, and Poe.  Later on, in what must be Rey and Kylo's MILLIONTH dual, she stabs him with his lightsaber, and it looks as if he is going to die.  Rey decides to use this power to heal his wound.

This new power brings TONS of plot holes with it.  If you can use the Force to heal wounds, then why didn't Obi-Wan heal Qui-Gon Jinn when Darth Maul ran a lightsaber through him?  Why couldn't Anakin simply heal his mother when she was beat up by the Tusken Raiders in AOTC?  Luke and Anakin lost an arm.  No problem, they should be able to heal themselves.  If Force Healing really is a thing, then Anakin didn't need the Emperor to help save Padme from dying during childbirth....he could've saved her himself, and then the story would be over!  No Darth Vader, no Empire, nothing. This power COMPLETELY changes Star Wars.

PREACH HAN SOLO, PREACH

The last new power I recognized is this ability to "force teleport".  Rey and Kylo have been able to talk to each other using the Force.  This I am absolutely on board with.  However, in TROS, Kylo is able to pull a necklace from Rey's neck....even though she's thousands of miles away.  They are able to have a dual on his ship, even though he's on a planet! This being said, I have to admit that there was one time in the movie where I really did like this ability.  When Rey was able to teleport a lightsaber to the now redeemed Ben Solo, THAT was cool.  I'm guessing it worked for me then because Kylo was finally a good guy and it was the climax of the movie.  But, I digress.


10.  Kylo Ren / Ben Solo

The entire sequel trilogy should've been about the rise and fall of Kylo Ren.  He has never been one of my favorite characters, but he has the most compelling story.  Rey should've been a character he found along HIS journey.  This never should've been HER journey.  You have the conflicted grandson of Darth Vader, nephew to Luke Skywalker, son of Leia and Han, and you don't focus on THAT STORY?!?  Such a wasted opportunity.  If you're going to blatantly steal story lines from the EU, (which was COMPLETELY done by having Han and Leia's son evil), at least do it right!

Over the past two years, MANY have wanted Kylo and Rey to end up together.  They became known as Reylo, for those who wished it, and I never quite saw it.  Sure, they were connected through the Force, but I didn't get anything romantic from it.  He saved her in TLJ, but immediately went back to his evil self.  He continued to fight Rey another 100 times in this movie, and it began to get old for me.  I knew that there was NO WAY Disney was going to kill off Rey.  But I did have a very strong feeling that they were going to kill Kylo, especially since it was obvious that he would be redeemed.

My FAVORITE scene in this ENTIRE MOVIE is right after Leia dies, and Rey heals him.  Han shows up in Kylo's memory.  Like Luke, Han's hair was longer than the last time Kylo saw him alive, and he has scruff on his face.  When Kylo killed Han, there was no scruff on his face.  WHY DID THEY DO THIS?

I couldn't believe they got Harrison Ford to come back for this 60 second scene.  They practically mirror the conversation they had on the catwalk during TFA.  Only this time, Han convinces Kylo to return home, and leave the dark side behind.  Han touches Ben's face.  He clearly has a MILLION things he wants to say to his father.  Ben simply says, "Dad", and then Han Solo, our beloved scruffy looking nerf herder says, "I know".  Not only was this a display of gut wrenching emotion, but it was a beautiful call back to the "I love you", "I know" phrase that Harrison Ford created in ESB.  This is a MB that I will take!  Kylo throws his lightsaber into the ocean, turns around, and Han is gone.  It was wonderful to see a different emotion from Ben Solo.  He's really good at being angry, but I fell in love with him the moment he expressed something besides anger.

Having been redeemed, Ben then goes to find Rey to help her defeat the Emperor.  We watch Ben fight the Knights of Ren.  I have a feeling JJ Abrams meant for this group to be much more involved in the trilogy.  The scene they were in during TFA made them look like they were going to be important, but when they weren't in TLJ, they should've just been forgotten about.  They're brought back here for 5 minutes, Ben kicks their butts after receiving the saber from Rey, and that's it.  I'm curious to know why they turned against Ben in the first place.  Were they not loyal to him?  It's like when the Praetorian Guards began fighting Rey and Kylo in TLJ.  Why?  Shouldn't the guards have become loyal to Kylo when Snoke was killed?

Anyway, Rey kills Palpatine....because she's Rey.... however, she dies in the process.  Ben manages to crawl out of the hole the Emperor had pushed him into, and uses the stupid "Force Heal" trick to bring her back to life.

I'm going to stop here for a minute and revisit this healing garbage.  Not only can the Force heal, but it can now resurrect the dead?  ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY KIDDING ME?  Well, now there's no reason for ANYONE to EVER die!  Once again, if you can now use the Force to RESURRECT people, then Qui-Gon should've been healed, Anakin's mother would be alive, and Padme never would've died.  No more of this, "loosing the will to live" crap; Obi-Wan and Yoda were right there to fix things. Oh, and doesn't this also mean that at the end of ROTJ, Luke could've healed the, now redeemed, Anakin Skywalker?

JJ Abrams then makes a stupid move and decides to pander to the Reylo fans.  The first thing Rey does after her resurrection is kiss Ben.  I knew this was coming.  I could sense it was about to happen, and then watching it, I wanted to throw up.  In my opinion, there had been NO ROMANTIC CHEMISTRY between these two characters.  Why JJ, why?

The ONLY part about this that I enjoyed was watching Ben SMILE.  Unfortunately, I couldn't just find a picture of it, so excuse me while I show you a 4 second clip of his smile.  I have a feeling YouTube will flag this clip and eventually take it down, so enjoy it while it's here.

Ok, I did find a picture, just not without that stupid writing in the way!  The non-critic in me LOVES this picture.  Adam Driver is a very handsome man. That smile is just...wow.  Harrison Ford has ALWAYS been my celebrity crush, but oh man, I'm now very interested in learning more about Adam Driver.

After the ridiculous kiss, Ben died.  Why?  I'm guessing they'll try to explain it away by saying he had to give Rey his entire life to bring her back, thus explaining why other Jedi and people weren't saved the same way.  How funny would it have been to watch them just continue bringing each other back to life?!?  Now that I think about it, ALL OF THE JEDI were just with Rey to help her defeat the Emperor.  Since they can now do physical things, why weren't they there to help heal Ben so that he could live his life as a redeemed Jedi Knight?  On top of that, why didn't they just heal Rey to begin with?  Then Ben wouldn't have had to give up his life in the first place!  If they were going for an emotional impact with his death, it didn't quite resonate the way Anakin's did at the end of ROTJ.  That was a father who just saved his son.

Ben Solo needed to be in this movie a whole lot longer than the 10 minutes we were given.  His redemption should've happened at the beginning of the movie.  It then could've focused on he and Rey working together to defeat the Emperor, then going on to train new Jedi.  If they wanted to then take it in a romantic direction, go for it.  The romance would've had much more time to develop and it wouldn't have seemed so out of the blue and rushed.  All it took was Ben turning back to hook me on his character.  Did you realize that he never spoke one line of dialogue as Ben Solo?!? We deserved to see more of this.


11.  The Death of Emperor:  Take 2

For 30 years the Emperor has been living on the planet Exegol, somehow building this ridiculously large fleet, and apparently being the puppet master behind turning Kylo Ren to evil.  At the beginning of the movie, he wants Kylo to kill Rey and to give Kylo the fleet.  Then he changes his mind and decides to try and tempt Rey to the dark side and make her the new Empress (oh, we'll get to that connection in a minute!)  This is when TROS turns into Return of the Jedi 2.0.  Actually, almost 3.0. We have to sit through YET ANOTHER copy and paste of the throne room scene from both ROTJ and TLJ.  Palpatine attempts to convince Rey to kill him so that she can become the Empress and take control of the fleet.  He opens up the ceiling and shows her how her friends are all dying in the air strike.  Then he decides to just shoot lightning up to the sky and disables most of the ships.  Unlike Luke, she decides to do what Palpatine wants, and is just about to give in, when she senses Ben Solo has arrived to help.  That's when she "teleports" a lightsaber to Ben, and after killing the pointless Knight of Ren, he comes to help her.  Palpatine then begins to drain the life out of both Ben and Rey.  Doing this somehow puts all of their life into him, making him whole again, and is no longer connected to the stupid machine he's attached to.  Palpatine pushes Ben over a cliff, and Rey is down for the count. (The fall that Ben took should've killed him, but oh well.)

Here is when this really just gets stupid.  Rey begins to call out to all of the Jedi who have come before her, hoping they will help give her the strength to kill Palpatine.  We hear the voices of Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Anakin, Luke, Yoda, and a few characters from other cartoons, all urging her to get up and fight, saying that they will be with her.  She takes her lightsaber, stands up, and faces Palpatine.

Do you remember how the Emperor ended up with a wrinkly face to begin with?  Apparently he does not.  I present Exhibit A:



I don't think that you'd forget being struck by lightning bolts in the face by a lightsaber.

Having copied and pasted from almost every Star Wars movie, JJ now decides it's time to steal from another franchise:  Marvel.  The Emperor says, "I am all the Sith".  Any idea what Rey says in return?  I saw this coming a mile away, and even said it out loud in the theater.  Say it with me now:  "I am all the Sith", "And I am.....Iron Man".  Okay, not really.  She says, "And I am all the Jedi".  She might as well have said Iron Man.  Moving on...

Rey is facing Palpatine with her lightsaber on, and what does he do?  He begins to shoot lightning at her through his fingertips like he did to Luke in ROTJ.  And what does Rey do?  She deflects it with her lightsaber, directly back onto his face!  This man learned NOTHING.  This was a stupid, stupid decision by JJ.  WHY would the Emperor spend 30 YEARS preparing a plan only to loose the same way as before?  Rey didn't throw him down a reactor core, but he basically melted away.

This "death" wasn't earned, and it completely takes away from Vader's sacrifice in ROTJ.  Anakin gave his life to kill the man who was killing his son, and the man lived anyway.  And who's to say that the Emperor won't just come back again?  He's already been blown to bits once, what's a little melting away going to do?  Having brought him back in the dumbest way possible, there's now no real way to know he isn't still alive, or can't find another stupid way to return.


12.  Rey

Now we come to the character that Disney desperately wants us to love.  At the beginning of the movie, she is training on some course that has been made on whatever planet the Rebels are on.  I think this was JJ trying to retcon her character and make her look less like a "Mary Sue".  She actually struggles with the course, which was refreshing to see.

For over two years people have been debating about who this character is related to.  Is she a Skywalker, a Kenobi, a Solo?  Well, we find out in this movie.  After being told by Kylo Ren in TLJ that her parents were no one important, just people who sold her for drinking money, Disney has decided that Rey is the granddaughter of Emperor Palpatine.  SERIOUSLY?  I believe this is once again a way to retcon her ridiculous abilities and explain why it's so easy for her to use the Force.  However, this revelation only brings up more problems.

Apparently Sheev found someone to procreate with.  Yuck.  For years, people have speculated that the Emperor somehow impregnated Anakin's mom, Shmi, using the Force.  That theory would hold up here.  However, Disney has recently come out and said that theory is wrong; Palpatine isn't the father of Anakin.  So who in the world did he have sex with to create a child?  Again....ewwww!  According to Wikipedia, he has a son.  It is revealed in The Rise of Skywalker that this son married and renounced his father.  They took their daughter, Rey, to the planet of Jakku.  Palpatine eventually found them, and had them both killed since they wouldn't hand Rey over to him.  He never found Rey.

Okay.  They use Rey's lineage as a way to explain away her INSANE ability to use the Force without receiving any training at all.  This is supposed to be the reason she can magically know how to use the Jedi mind trick without having ever seen it, fight like a Jedi Knight during her first battle with Kylo Ren, know about this new Force Healing power, and can suddenly man a boat across the most dangerous waters to the Death Star wreckage after having never seen rain before TLJ.  Unfortunately, all this explanation did was cement her "Mary Sue" status.  Luke IS a Skywalker who received training from both Obi-Wan and Yoda.  He couldn't do ANY OF THE STUFF that Rey can do, and it's just stupid.  He can't raise the X-Wing in ESB, he couldn't even keep the rocks raised up.  And he LOST to Vader in their first battle!  She NEVER LOOSES until she's face to face with Grandpa Palps.

Here's another question:  if Rey is so powerful because the Emperor is her grandfather, then why didn't HER FATHER MAGICALLY KNOW HOW TO USE THE FORCE and have the ability to fight off the people who were sent to kill both he and his wife?  Renouncing his father wouldn't have taken away his ability to use the Force. He should've been able to kick the crap out of them! The Jedi mind trick should've been all his son needed to keep any of his father's goons at bay.  It just doesn't add up.

It was upon my second viewing of the movie that I caught one of the most slap in the face moments regarding Rey.  Apparently both Luke and Leia KNEW SHE WAS A PALPATINE.  EXCUSE ME?  Can someone explain to me how this is possible?  Everyone, including Luke and Leia, thought that the Emperor was DEAD.  Rey wasn't born until AFTER ROTJ.  How would they have known that the dead Emperor has a granddaughter?  And why train her?  I'm guessing they chose to "train" her because they were hoping she wouldn't turn to the dark side.   One last thing on this:  why is it that Luke Skywalker almost kills his NEPHEW on PURPOSE because he senses the dark side in him, but he doesn't KILL the granddaughter of Palpatine?  None of this crap makes any sense anymore.

In the end, Rey ends up with EVERYTHING that once belonged to either Luke, or Han.  She doesn't earn any of it.  She ends up with Luke's X-Wing, both he and Leia's lightsabers. Somehow she ends up with the Falcon when it should be with Lando and Chewie.  Rey manages to find the Lars' Homestead where Luke's Aunt and Uncle lived, and we see her new lightsaber, with the hilt made from her staff.  A lightsaber requires what is called a Kyber Crystal to be created.  These crystals are very rare.  I find it VERY hard to believe that the abandoned Homestead just happens to have a Kyber Crystal hanging around.  In the end, she decides to take the name of Skywalker, because she has chosen to identify as one.  When asked who she is, she responds, "Rey, Rey Skywalker".  NO, NO, NO, NO, AND NO.  She IS NOT A SKYWALKER.  If they wanted that, then the writers should've made her one to begin with.  She is a PALPATINE.  Rey even took Luke's twin suns shot at the very end of the movie!  Again, NO, NO, NO, AND NO. I hated when they did it at the end of ROTS, and I hate it even more at the end of TROS!

The climax of the "Skywalker Saga", a phrase I HATE, is all about two PALPATINE FAMILY MEMBERS fighting each other.  It isn't even about any Skywalkers.  Let that one sink in for a minute.


13.  Nitpicks

The Death Star Wreckage

How is THIS MUCH of the second Death Star left, when we saw this happen to it?



The Throne Room is still there, complete with the Emperor's chair.  There's even enough room for Kylo and Rey to have ANOTHER fight.  I'm not buying for ONE SECOND that ANY of the Death Star remained intact.


Lando

Our favorite smooth talking smuggler deserved more time in this movie.  It was so fun seeing him with the group again, and where I know that the actor Billy Dee Williams is old, and apparently doesn't walk well, they could've given him a little more to do.  


More Rebellious Stormtroopers

Finn is no longer the only Stormtrooper who revolted.  We're introduced to Jannah, a former Stormtrooper who, along with her entire company, decided to lay their weapons down and stop fighting.  Why is there no contingency plan for this?  I'm sorry, but if an entire company of troopers stopped fighting, the First Order would have them KILLED, plain and simple.  

Is Finn Force Sensitive?

Besides continuing to CONSTANTLY scream Rey's name, which at this point, is BEYOND ANNOYING, it's also implied that he may be Force sensitive.  He feels when Rey dies, and was wanting to tell her something when it looked like they were going to die.  Maybe he just wanted to confess his love for her, which would've made A WHOLE MORE SENSE than this Reylo stuff, but oh well.  One more thing that bothered me about Finn:



Are we SERIOUSLY supposed to believe that Finn, a former Stormtrooper, who left the First Order just a year ago, doesn't know that the Stormtroopers can fly?!?  Jet packs have been used since Jango Fett used one in the prequels, which took place 30 YEARS before this movie!


General Hux

Hux was turned into comic relief in TLJ, so TROS had to come up with something, anything for him to do.  Turns out, there's a mole in the First Order, and we're supposed to believe the story that it's him.  OH REALLY?!?  Two movies ago, in TFA, he delivers this Nazi-like speech about destroying the Rebellion.  He watched as Starkiller Base blew up three or four planets right in front of him.  Now we're supposed to believe that he's a spy? And the reason he's now a spy?  He hates Kylo Ren more than he wants to First Order to win.  HOW STUPID!  I liked the reveal, but it was useless because two scenes later, he's killed.  Hux will join Boba Fett, and Captain Phasma in the group of bad guys whose deaths, and characters, were completely pointless.


Rose

Here's one thing I was COMPLETELY okay with.  Rose Tico, one of the most ridiculous characters ever created in Star Wars, was given the Jar Jar treatment in this movie.  What does the "Jar Jar treatment" mean?  Well, when the prequels came out, people DESPISED the character of Jar Jar Binks.  If you'll notice, he had one scene in AOTC, and I think only one in ROTS.  The nitpick here is that some are going ballistic over her removal, crying people are racist, and crap like that.  No, we just hated this poorly written character, who in the end was the reason the rebel base was blown up in TLJ.  If she'd let Finn make his self-sacrifice, the cannon would've been destroyed.


Lingering Questions:

How did Maz get Luke's lightsaber that was lost during his fight with Vader on Bespin?

-  Well, we're never going to know this answer.  Explain it away in a book all you want, but if it's important, and it is to MANY fans, PUT IT IN THE MOVIE!

How did Kylo Ren get Vader's mask?

-  I really wanted to know the answer to this one.  Somehow it managed to survive the funeral pyre that Luke created after Vader's death while he was on Endor, but come on, how did he get it?

Why was there a map to Luke Skywalker when he didn't want to be found?

-  This was all Ruin Johnson's fault.  I don't think this is where JJ was going with this.  I believe he had a reason.  However, we will never know.  And that makes me mad.


So, there's my review.  In the end, I enjoyed this movie more than TLJ.  Unfortunately, there were just too many things happening, too many plot points that made no sense, or changed the lore, and like I said earlier, it felt like two movies squished into one.  I could continue with this review, because trust me, I have MANY MORE ISSUES. However, my brain hurts, and frankly, I'm tired of talking about Disney Star Wars, a phrase that the sequel trilogy has become known as.

There was SO MUCH potential with this trilogy.  While finishing this post today, I was watching a special on the making of TFA, and my heart just dropped.  Disney was handed the keys to the kingdom by George Lucas.  He even gave them story outlines, despite Disney saying they had nothing to work with.....liars.  I wish that George Lucas hadn't sold Star Wars to Disney.  I was SO EXCITED about it when the new trilogy was announced, but hindsight is 20/20.  I wish the sequel trilogy didn't exist.  As far as I'm concerned, Star Wars ends with ROTJ.  The bummer is that no matter how hard I try to put these three movies out of my mind, they'll still always be there.  My canon is the EU.  The books that I have grown to love.  The stories these books tell about our beloved heroes and were canon for almost 25 years.  That will be my canon from here on out.

Geez Wendy, it sounds like you just hate Star Wars.  I LOVE STAR WARS.  That's why I'm so angry about all of this. Some may think I'm crazy to put this much thought into a movie.  Maybe, but Star Wars has been an important part of my life for DECADES.  I am PASSIONATE about these stories and characters. Watching Disney run my beloved franchise into the ground has just hurt my soul.  I fear that these movies will make Star Wars irrelevant; that in 10 or 20 years it will no longer be remembered.  My wish is that Disney simply leaves Star Wars alone for quite some time.  I won't be watching any future stand alone films.  I hear the TV show The Mandalorian is great, but I won't pay for Disney Plus.  In a few years, when the Obi-Wan Kenobi series fans have BEGGED for finally comes out, I'll pay to check that out.  Ewan McGregor is the BEST part of the prequels, and I look forward to seeing that series.

To end on a positive note, here is a video I found that celebrates the Original Trilogy.  A time before both the Prequel and Sequel trilogies existed.  Enjoy.

The Last Jedi Review: I've Got A Bad Feeling About This!

I will be spoiling EVERYTHING about The Last Jedi, so if you haven't seen it yet (and if you haven't, GO AND WATCH IT ALREADY!) now is the time to leave; but PLEASE come back and read this once you have! 

Ok, you've been warned.  Continuing on.....

Just like before, to make writing this easier for me, I'm going to be using a lot of acronyms.  Here is a list, to help anyone who is unfamiliar with them:

TPM= The Phantom Menace
AOTC = Attack of The Clones
TCW = The Clone Wars
ROTS = Revenge of The Sith
RO = Rogue One
ANH = A New Hope
ESB = Empire Strikes Back
ROTJ = Return of the Jedi
TFA = The Force Awakens
TLJ = The Last Jedi
EU = Expanded Universe

Read HERE for my The Force Awakens review.

This has proven to be the most divisive Star Wars movie to date.  People are either loving or hating it. The unfortunate part is that on social media, if you don't like it, you are viciously screamed at by others who claim that because you don't like the movie, you're no longer a Star Wars fan.  Ridiculous.

After seeing The Last Jedi the 1st time, I left not knowing what to think, or how to feel about it.  I've never been conflicted before when I left the movie theater, let alone after seeing a Star Wars movie.  I've now seen The Last Jedi 3 times, and I have NO IDEA where to start with this review.  Guess I'll start with the opening crawl and go from there!




The following YouTube video explains the plot, and a lot of the problems better than I ever could:



Now that you know the basic plot, here are my opinions.  There are A LOT of short video clips throughout the rest of this post, so grab some popcorn, and get ready to laugh either at me, or with me, or to completely disagree with me!

OK.  You need to know that I did NOT enjoy this movie...and you have NO IDEA how much it HURTS MY SOUL to admit that.  I have spent the past two weeks trying to figure out reasons to love, or even like this movie, and I just can't find any.  I've spent over a week writing this post because I've had so much trouble formulating my words!

Rian Johnson (the director) took what JJ Abrams established in The Force Awakens and threw it out the window, not caring about the next movie in the franchise, or those that had come before it.  Johnson flipped the fans, and JJ, his middle finger and took a hard right turn in the direction he took this movie.  It's completely fine that this wasn't as much of a fan movie as The Force Awakens, but the choices that Johnson made regarding the story line, and characters were ridiculous at almost every turn.  Don't get me wrong; there were definitely great scenes in this movie, but overall, the bad far outweighed the good.


HUMOR

Star Wars has always had humor. Some of the greatest lines of dialogue that are repeated by people and TV shows world wide have come from ANH, ESB, and ROTJ.  The difference is that it was subtle.  The humor in The Last Jedi became more like the slap stick humor you see in a Marvel movie, which is OK when it's not a Star Wars movie!






See....subtle.  The humor often occurred during serious moments of the movies, but the humor fit the moment.

One of the most frustrating "comedic" moments in The Last Jedi came during the first scene of the movie.  The character of General Hux, who was established as an over-the-top, crazy, Nazi-like leader in TFA, was reduced to comedy relief when Poe Dameron basically prank calls him while flying his X-Wing towards the RIDICULOUSLY LARGE First Order ship during the huge battle going on between the First Order and the Rebellion.  The moment I watched the encounter, this line immediately came to mind:

The humor just didn't work.


NEW CREATURES

Star Wars has ALWAYS had a plethora of creatures.  They always seemed to fit the atmosphere, even in the prequels (except those in AOTC...those were just stupid!).  For some reason, the creatures in The Last Jedi just didn't work for me.  I think I feel this way because they're usually just in the background, like in the cantina scene in ANH, Jabba's Palace in ROTJ, or even those in Maz's place in TFA.  The creatures in this movie have more screen time, are distracting, and are clearly only there to sell toys and make Disney money.

I have NO IDEA what the name of this creature is, but I wanted to THROW UP when I saw what Luke did to it.  Watching LUKE SKYWALKER milk this creature was the nastiest thing I've seen in a long time.  Maybe if it didn't have 4 boobs, need to be pushed on so hard to get the milk out, or maybe if it didn't make noise when he milked it I wouldn't be so flabbergasted by this creature.  It was just DISGUSTING. 

These creatures were referred to as the caretakers of the island.  Apparently they'd been there a very long time, keeping up the Jedi temple.  They look like monks, or nuns the way they are dressed, and were really only there to serve as comic relief.  Rey dropped stuff on them a few times, and they were an unnecessary addition to the movie.  

Once again, I have no idea what the official name of these camel/horse creatures are, but they end up being more important than the orphan children who are taking care of them. Rose and Finn release them since they're being abused, letting them run through the town, destroying it in the process.  The dumb part about this scene is that it's very likely the creatures were just rounded up and captured again.

Porgs.  WHY? What is their purpose besides being the cute new toy that Disney can sell?  These are the Ewoks of The Last Jedi. The only difference is the Ewoks served a purpose in ROTJ. Porgs did absolutely nothing. When I first saw this thing in the trailer, I cringed.  The noise it made...oh, that ear piercing noise. Another creature native to Ach-to (the island), it served as another joke when Chewbacca attempted to eat one.  I'm guessing they'll show up in the next movie, because they were inside the Millennium Falcon, nesting all over the place. Han Solo is probably rolling in his grave knowing this is happening!


NEW CHARACTERS

Unfortunately, the new characters don't add much to the movie.

DJ

His contribution to The Last Jedi?  Betraying Rose and Finn to the First Order while they were on Snoke's ship trying to get the hyperspace tracking device turned off so the Resistance could jump to hyperspace and away from the First Order. I'm trying to figure out if he was written to create a new Han Solo like character, or was he just created to get Benicio Del Toro into the movie?   The most annoying trait of this character is his weird stuttering and the fact that he's only in the movie for about 10 minutes.


VICE ADMIRAL HOLDO

Vice Admiral Holdo took over while Leia was in her Mary Poppins coma.  (I'll get to that one soon!) She will forever be remembered for her purple hair, and the fact that had her character simply told Poe Dameron what her plan was when he asked, there would've been NO NEED for the pointless Finn/Rose subplot that ended in failure anyway!  Apparently there is more information about her in one of the new canon books.  That's great.  However, I shouldn't have to read a book to find out information about a brand new character in a movie. Tell me what I need to know.  Her character also dies, and although she helps the fleet get to the planet Crait by using the rest of the fuel to jump to hyperspace while crashing into Snoke's ship, which was an INCREDIBLE explosion, I feel like she was a forced female character who was there to fight with Poe and send a message that women can be in control and can tell men what to do. I was also really annoyed when she called Poe "fly boy".  That is the name Leia calls Han when they first meet in ANH.  Having it used here just bugged me.


ROSE

Her sister was the pilot in the opening battle who had to slam her legs against the wall to get the bombs to drop on the First Order ship.  The sister died in the process.  The character of Rose was there to give Finn something to do.  It looks like she's attracted to Finn, and instead of letting Finn sacrifice himself during one of the scenes at the end that was intense and fun to watch, she stopped him because she likes him, and let the First Order continue to close in on the Resistance while they were on the planet Crait.  She's an OK character, but again seemed to only be there to accompany Finn on the boring, unneeded subplot.

Now onto the characters that I actually care about!


LEIA

Unfortunately, Leia just seemed "there".  It was bittersweet watching this performance, since it ended up being the last time we'll see Princess Leia in the Star Wars universe.  Carrie Fisher had completed filming all of her scenes before her passing away, so many people wondered where her character arc was going to go.

Early in the film we have a brief, but effective emotional scene between her and Kylo.  He isn't able to shoot down her ship, but she is blown out of the ship and into space when the bridge is destroyed by the First Order. We see her floating in space, pretty much frozen, and not moving.  Just as we begin to wonder if this is the end for Leia, her fingers suddenly start moving, and her eyes open up.  She then begins to pull herself back to the ship using the Force, "Mary Poppins" style, as it has been dubbed.  Not only is it horrible CGI, but ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY KIDDING ME??  Leia has rarely used the Force.  We've seen her hear Luke when he calls to her in ESB, and she's felt that he was alive at the end of ROTJ, but we've NEVER seen this. Are we seriously supposed to believe that Leia used the Force to pull herself back to the ship without dying in space?  I don't know, or care much about the science of it all, but I've heard that the moment those inside the ship opened the airlock to let Leia back in, there should've been some sort of vacuum effect that sucked all those around the door into space!

I suppose she could've learned about the Force over the past 30 years, but this isn't something I would believe even Luke could ever do!  It's just a part of the movie that completely pulls you out of the seriousness of the moment and slaps you in the face with how stupid it is!  For almost the rest of the entire movie, she's in a coma, recovering from her outer space adventure. It's a pity that this is Leia's swan song.

SNOKE

Throughout the movie TFA, Snoke was built up to be an important villain.  We're told that he's the reason Ben Solo turned to the dark side and became Kylo Ren. Fan theories began to run wild about who Snoke really is, where he came from, how is he so strong with the Force, etc.  Fans looked forward to the answers to the questions TFA planted in our minds.  Well, we were greatly disappointed.  After all the build up of Snoke, Kylo Ren cuts him in two (literally) without him even sensing it was about to happen!  REALLY?  Abrams lays the foundation for this character and The Last Jedi takes him out like a PUNK half way through the movie?  Thanks again for the slap in the face, Rian.


PHASMA

After only spending about 9 minutes on screen, Captain Phasma had been put into a trash compactor at the end of TFA, which was a call back to ANH.  Apparently she found her way out before the Starkiller Base exploded, because she once again returned...for even less screen time.  She and Finn briefly fight, and where she should be able to easily take him down, he hits her a few times and she falls into fire.  Who knows, she still may show up again.  Two years ago I called her the Boba Fett of the new trilogy.  I'm going to update that statement.  She's even MORE USELESS than Boba Fett!  What exactly is the purpose of this character?  She looked really cool in the beginning of TFA, and when she came marching out of the fire in The Last Jedi to fight Finn I thought that maybe we were going to finally see her do something. But by the end of the movie she was a joke.  She has become the most ridiculous, pointless Star Wars character of all time.


YODA

I absolutely LOVED this cameo.  It was completely unexpected, and by the time Yoda showed up in the movie, it was a much needed surprise!  I saw his ears pop up on screen and jumped for joy.  This time around Yoda was created using the puppet that was used in ESB.  The original puppet was found, and there was no CGI at all.

Yoda was the same funny character we first met in ESB. He was still giving Luke a hard time about the choices he had made in his life, and was the perfect character to help jolt Luke out of his stupidity. Burning down the Jedi temple was a great way to prove a point to Luke that he didn't need it and to get him to see that it was time to stop feeling sorry for himself and take action.


POE

I like the direction Poe's character was taken.  He was originally supposed to die early in TFA, but Oscar Issac, the actor, convinced Abrams to keep the character alive.  That left Poe with not much to do in TFA.  Here we see him take over the role of the hot headed, show off pilot who thinks he's able to lead the Rebellion.  Poe makes some questionable decisions that result in the deaths of many people, but his character progresses and he learns how to be an effective leader.  I found myself enjoying his character a lot more in The Last Jedi.


FINN

Finn went from one of the new "core three" characters, along with Kylo and Rey, to a side character with really nothing to do.  I like his background story as a Stormtrooper who basically defected to the Resistance.  At the end of the movie, he was ready to sacrifice himself to save everyone else, which I thought was awesome.  I thought that they would finally have a character death that meant something, but nope, Johnson decided against it.

REY 

I really don't have much to say about Rey for this movie.  People's biggest complaint about her in TFA is that she is a Mary Sue, which is someone who can do everything without any kind of training. I was able to justify some of that two years ago because I figured we'd get answers to these questions with TLJ.  Unfortunately, now I agree with them.

Throughout the course of the Star Wars movies, we've learned that a Jedi trains A LOT.  We don't know exactly how long Luke was on Dagobah with Yoda, but we know that it was a WHOLE LOT LONGER than Rey was with Luke. The timeline for TLJ is only a few days.  Rey has only THREE LESSONS with a hesitant Luke and yet she can once again do even more...perfectly.  She can wield a lightsaber like a Jedi master, besting Kylo Ren in TFA, and she can fly the Falcon almost as well as Han Solo without having EVER FLOWN IT BEFORE.  Heck, she was even able to take Luke Skywalker to the ground, but I think he did that on purpose! I was able to justify her abilities when there were questions about who her parents were.  Maybe she was related to the Skywalkers, or to Obi-Wan.  She may have even somehow been related to Emperor Palpatine.  But now that we know they are no one special; just two people who sold her into slavery for drug money, NONE OF HER ABILITIES MAKE SENSE! 

I also don't appreciate HOW we were told about her parents.  Once again, TFA planted this question for us to wonder about for two years.  I don't have a problem with her parents being regular people, except for the fact that it now makes Rey a Mary Sue.  I'm upset about how it was a throw away line from Kylo, and was just glossed over.  If you blinked, you may have missed it.  Do I believe that Kylo told her the truth?  I don't know.  I almost hope he was lying, but I don't think they're going to change that one. 

I like that she will be the next Jedi, I just don't think she earned it.  Everything seems like it was given to her, which doesn't follow the hero's journey arc.  During the journey the hero looses something, and has much to learn (as Yoda would say).  I'm not seeing that in her situation.

KYLO

Presented as a brat in TFA, we see him in the beginning of The Last Jedi struggling with the decision he made to kill his father, which was refreshing.  Kylo also shows that he has a heart when he chooses to not shoot his mother's ship out of the sky.  He clearly loves her.

I enjoyed learning more about him throughout his conversations with Rey.  We get a little more back story regarding why he burned down the Jedi academy.  If my Uncle was standing over me in the middle of the night with his lightsaber on, I might go a little crazy too.  That being said, we still don't know how Snoke found Kylo, and why he hates the rest of his family so much.

I was floored when he killed Snoke half way through the movie.  I was hoping that he would join Rey.  It would've been a nice change to see them join forces against the First Order, but I realize that the movie still needs a central antagonist, so he had to stay bad.

REY & KYLO

The interaction between Rey and Kylo was BY FAR the most enjoyable part of the movie.  Being able to talk to each other through the force, learning more about each of them, that was entertaining.    

JJ Abrams was given A LOT OF CRAP for "copying" ANH.  Well, Rian did THE EXACT SAME THING!  The story of Rey and Kylo parallels, and almost copies, that of Luke and Vader at the end of ESB and ROTJ. Through their force conversations, Rey believes that there is good in Kylo and she believes, STUPIDLY, that he will turn back to the light if she just goes to him.  Hmmm, wonder where I've heard that one before? Oh yeah, LUKE SAID THE SAME THING ABOUT VADER!!!  Just like in ESB, when Yoda and Obi-Wan try to tell Luke not to run off to Cloud City, Luke tells Rey to not run off to Kylo.  She doesn't listen, and when she lands on Snoke's ship, Kylo takes her straight to see him, even though she was SO SURE he wouldn't.  LIKE WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!

Kylo and Rey have an elevator conversation on their way up to see Snoke that is almost this EXACT same conversation from ROTJ, right down to the dialogue.  The first time I watched this scene unfold, I was stunned by the similarities:

Once inside Snoke's throne room, the conversation continues to practically mirror that from ROTJ. Snoke shows Rey how the First Order is destroying the Resistance ships, and Rey gets angry, just like Luke did with the Emperor.  The lightsaber is being held by the Emperor, just as Rey's was held by Snoke:



Snoke wanted to simply kill off Rey, without trying to bring her to the dark side, which I thought was a different spin.  While he's torturing Rey, Kylo is in the background watching all of this.  I wondered what he was going to do, and wasn't surprised by his next move, since it was also COPIED FROM ROTJ:



Antagonist saved Protagonist.  Got it.

The Praetorian Guard fight was INCREDIBLE, and I hoped that it would be the turning point for the movie.  Visually stunning, it was so fun to watch Rey and Kylo fight side by side in a way that we were able to follow and understand what was going on the entire time.  The prequel fights would often be all over the place.

Once they'd killed all the guards, it didn't surprise me that Kylo tried to convince Rey to go with her.  He wanted to be in control, just like Anakin Skywalker did at the end of ROTS when he told Padme that he could overthrow the Emperor and create HIS new Empire.


THE FORCE

The Force turned into it's own character during The Last Jedi.  Luke had such an issue with it, claiming that the Jedi of the Old Republic were arrogant and thought they knew everything.  He completely shut out the Force.  If there's one thing the prequels did, they made the Jedi look like IDIOTS who really thought they were the be all to end all.  The lore of the Jedi we'd learned about in episodes 4 - 6 was destroyed by the prequels.  I was just disappointed to see Rian take this same direction with it.

I understand that by saying Rey's parents were no one special they were saying that you don't have to be special to be important.  I just always loved that not everyone could be a Jedi.  You had to have something different inside of you, otherwise EVERYONE could be a Jedi and there should be no contention in the galaxy!

LUKE SKYWALKER

Finally, we come to the character that almost EVERY Star Wars fan had been waiting 34 YEARS to see!  We had been teased throughout all of TFA, only to see him in the last minute of the movie, where I still believe he stole the show.  Now we were going see Luke actually doing things.  Our Jedi was back!  TFA does a great job of setting up the cliff hanger that kept us all dying to know what would happen next.



 So, the stage had been set and our anticipation was overwhelming.  After waiting about 20 minutes to finally get to this scene, we once again watch Rey hand Luke his old lightsaber; the one that he lost on Cloud City when Vader cut his hand off.  Sitting on the edge of my seat, I waited to see what Luke would say.  He takes the lightsaber from Rey, looks at it, and without saying a word he THROWS IT OVER THE CLIFF!  Once again, are you ABSOLUTELY KIDDING ME? It was at this moment that I knew this wasn't the Luke Skywalker we'd grown to love over the past 40 years.  This is the hero from the Rebellion?  No, no it is not.  Apparently I wasn't the only person feeling this way.  Mark Hamill, the only man to ever play this character, the man who knows this character better than any of the fans, agrees.



I give Mark Hamill a TON of credit here.  He wasn't happy with the way Luke was portrayed, but he put his heart and soul into it.  And he's right; this isn't the Luke Skywalker that George Lucas created; BUT IT SHOULD BE!

When Rey first arrived, she told Luke that Leia had sent her to find him because she needed his help.  He wanted nothing to do with it, and told Rey to leave!  WHAT???  The original trilogy was all about Luke helping those who were in need, ESPECIALLY HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  Why wouldn't he help his sister?  I suppose he could be ashamed of almost killing the son of his sister and best friend, but she WANTED HIS HELP, so GET OVER YOURSELF AND GO HELP YOUR SISTER!

After making Rey chase him around Ach-to, showing her how he's learned to milk a creature with 4 boobs, and catch the largest fish on the planet, all the while telling Rey that he came to Ach-to to die, Luke discovers that Rey has the ability to use the Force and he is unwilling to help her, despite her pleas.  This I can understand.  His nephew turned to the dark side, destroyed the Jedi Academy, and killed many of his students.  His confidence has clearly been shot, but he decides to give her 3 lessons on about the Force, even though we only see him give her 2 of the lessons.

My next HUGE problem with the direction Luke's character was taken, was when it's discovered that he almost MURDERED HIS NEPHEW!  We're supposed to believe that because Luke sensed Kylo had already turned to the dark side, Luke was going to KILL HIM?  Luke Skywalker, the man who sensed good in the SECOND MOST EVIL MAN IN THE GALAXY, (Darth Vader), the man who knew his father could be redeemed, and almost lost his life trying to prove it, decided he was just going to kill Kylo without trying to intervene?!?  He couldn't just pull Kylo aside and have a heart to heart with him? This would've been a FABULOUS time to talk to Kylo about how Grandpa Vader TURNED BACK TO THE GOOD SIDE, and he could too!  The moment Luke sensed ANY evil in Kylo is when something should've been done!  I will not believe that when Luke went to confront Kylo in the middle of the night, he actually turned on his lightsaber while Kylo was  ASLEEP, and for a brief moment was ready to KILL HIM.  This act turned our Jedi master into a coward which FUNDAMENTALLY changed EVERYTHING Luke Skywalker stands for!   I'm all for character development, but Luke Skywalker would NEVER do this!

Why exactly did Luke die?  Did the blaster shots end up actually hurting him?  When Kylo stabbed him with his lightsaber, did it really puncture Luke?  When they cut back to Luke on Ach-to after the fight, he looked wiped out, like he'd just run a marathon that he wasn't in shape for.  A Force projection shouldn't have killed him.  He wasn't 900 years old, like Yoda.  His death seemed out of the blue.  I knew that Luke would eventually die, but I figured it would be in the 9th movie.  Why did Luke become one with the Force?  If he comes back as a Force ghost in episode 9, what was the point of killing him, to watch him haunt Kylo?

After Yoda showed up to kick Luke in the butt and tell him to help, I was certain we'd see Luke again.  When he showed up on Crait, the salt planet that looked EXACTLY like the ice planet Hoth in ESB, I almost screamed in the theater.  FINALLY, our Jedi was going to help!  I didn't catch on that he was a Force projection until after Kylo had the walkers spray him with bullets.  Even then, I wasn't quite certain. Sure, Luke looked different. His hair was shorter and his beard had less gray in it, but I was hoping that even though he'd cut himself off from the Force, he'd learned a new trick.  The fight with Kylo and Luke looked cool, but it was ridiculous, and way too short.  If Rian Johnson was just going to kill off Luke Skywalker, WHY NOT HAVE HIM SHOW UP IN PERSON?!?  He still would've been able to distract the First Order while the Resistance escaped, and he wouldn't have looked like a coward, but instead, it would've shown us that he learned how to deal with the mistakes from his past and grow as a person. It would've been a MUCH MORE dignified send off for our beloved Jedi Master.

As Luke's theme music, titled "Binary Sunset" began to swell in the theater, and we watched Luke once again look at out at the sky like he did in ANH, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  When Luke Skywalker disappeared, and his Jedi robes blew away, I actually had to turn to my son, Brandon, and ask, "Did I just see what I think I saw?"  I was so STUNNED that I didn't know what to say, or how to feel.  Almost 2 weeks later I'm still trying to figure it out.



I wasn't upset about everything that happened with Luke's character.  I LOVED when Luke simply brushed off his shoulder as he came through all the initial blaster shots the First Order shot at him. It made me smile as it was Luke's way of saying, "Come at me, bro!".  At the end of their "fight" when he simply told Kylo, "See you around, kid", I smiled again.  That line was a direct call back to ANH when Han said it to Luke as he was leaving with the money he earned from saving Leia.

Since Luke had cut himself off from the Force, I loved when Chewbacca shoved the door in on Luke.  That entire exchange between Luke and Chewbacca when he found out about the death of Han was sweet.  It also should have convinced him to GET HIS BUTT INTO HIS X-WING AND GO TO LEIA, but oh well.  My other favorite part was when Luke went back onto the Falcon for the first time in years. The ONLY TIME IN THE WHOLE MOVIE where I felt that the real Luke Skywalker was back was during his encounter with R2-D2.  He had a heavy heart, but smiled when he saw his most trusted droid.  And when R2-D2 played the original message that Leia sent to Obi-Wan Kenobi years earlier, it was the perfect "cheap shot", as Luke called it.  That also should've convinced Luke to GET OFF THE ISLAND, but again, oh well.  I also enjoyed watching Luke reconnect with the Force and call to Leia, which helped wake her up from her coma.

It's been almost two weeks since I first saw The Last Jedi and I'm still reeling over it, not able to accept what this movie has done. Han and Luke are dead, and Leia will have to be killed off since Carrie Fisher is dead. Our core 3 are gone.  Sure, Chewbacca, 3PO and R2 are there, but barely.  There's no remaining original cast to return for in episode 9.  The hero's we've grown up with and idolized for 40 years are gone.  I realize that this trilogy is all about passing the torch to a new generation, but I'm still not invested enough in Kylo and Rey.  I'm only a little curious to know what happens, because Star Wars has been a HUGE part of my life for over 30 years, but I left the theater with my love for Star Wars having been SIGNIFICANTLY SHAKEN.  When I got home after that first showing, I instantly put in ESB to help remind me what Star Wars is supposed to be!

The Last Jedi has left me wishing that Disney hadn't brought Star Wars back.  I enjoyed The Force Awakens A LOT, but TLJ has made parts of that movie look ridiculous now that it didn't answer the questions that were set up by Abrams in The Force Awakens, or gave us STUPID answers to those questions!

-HOW DID MAZ GET LUKE'S LIGHTSABER?
Still don't know.  Probably won't ever know.

-WHO ARE REY'S PARENTS?
Apparently no one of importance, even though TFA teased the entire movie that they were.

-WHO WAS SNOKE? WHY DID HE WANT LUKE DEAD?
Besides the fact that he was an easily killed character, we still don't know.  Probably won't ever know.

-WHY WAS THERE A MAP TO LUKE WHEN HE WENT TO ACH-TO TO DIE???????
Still don't know.  Probably won't ever know, especially now that LUKE SKYWALKER IS DEAD!

I was angry when Disney took all the Star Wars stories (formerly known as the Expanded Universe) that had been canon for over 20 years and wiped them away to make room for the new movies.  I got over it, but now I'm ready to reconsider those as MY PERSONAL canon and wipe TFA and TLJ from my mind.

I've been continually reminding myself of this since I saw The Last Jedi.

I don't know how JJ Abrams is going to wrap this up.  The fact that Rian threw out so much of what JJ wrote and planted makes me hope that JJ will do the same thing to Rian in episode 9.  Oh well.

With the originals there was a basic idea for the beginning, middle, and end of where the story was going, even though 3 different people directed them.  It feels like JJ wasn't given free reign on what to do with TFA, where we have been told that Rian was allowed to do whatever he wanted.  You can see the disconnect between TFA and TLJ.  Who knows where episode 9 is going to go.

Disney is going to drive my beloved franchise into the ground, bleeding every drop of blood from it on the way.  I'm not interested in the Han Solo stand alone movie that comes out in a few months, and word is spreading that it's a train wreck.

You can't catch lightning in a bottle twice.  Episodes 4 - 6 are lightning in a bottle.  The prequels are disasters.  I think the reason they don't bother me more is because the characters I love aren't in them to begin with.  They're horrible movies, but I just don't care.  Rogue One...needless.  The Force Awakens was a fun reboot for the new generation.  The Last Jedi is just horrible.  I will buy it when it comes out, because...it's Star Wars.  Maybe as the years go by I will like it more.  That didn't happen with the prequels, so I'm heavily doubting it will with this one.

In The Last Jedi, Kylo says, "Let the past die.  Kill it if you must".  I need to decide if the past is TFA and TLJ, or if the past is getting rid of the only Star Wars direction I've known for the past 40 years.

One final thing.  The running gag in the Star Wars franchise is the line, "I've got a bad feeling about this".  It is said in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE, including RO.  It wasn't spoken in The Last Jedi, and I caught it right after the movie was over.  I looked into in, and apparently it was uttered by BB8 in the very beginning.  The words have always been SPOKEN, not beeped by a droid.  It's just another middle finger by Rian.  Thanks, Rian.

Ending on a happier note; here is a clip of the famous line, "I've got a bad feeling about this".



Here's to hoping episode 9 doesn't suck as bad as The Last Jedi!!!