The Fallout From Cancer

Almost a year ago my life changed forever.  On January 31, 2022, I was told that I had breast cancer.  After a long battle that included surgery, hair loss, months of pain, harmful chemicals being pushed into my body, undergoing radiation treatments, all the while having to look for a new job, applying for many jobs, and attending stressful interviews, I am done.  I had an ultrasound mammogram done of October 26th and found out on November 2nd that I am officially CANCER FREE!  I can't describe how glad I am that the treatments are over that the cancer is gone.

Where I wish it would've been smooth sailing since becoming cancer free, it has been anything but that.  To help keep the cancer from returning, I now take an anti-estrogen pill that has created some frustrating side effects.  I'm only 44 and I'm in full blown menopause.  It's ridiculous.  I experience multiple hot flashes each day, and have to have access to a fan at school, at home during the day, and at night.  Even though it's winter, and it's freezing outside, I have a fan on.  Unfortunately, due to the age of the building I work in, my classroom is always a balmy 75 degrees, so the fan doesn't bother the kids very much.  I tell them to wear their jackets if it does!!

  

When I first began this medication, it was too strong, making me so tired that I literally couldn't keep my eyes open.  Working at a brand new job, this wasn't the kind of impression I wanted to make, so we had to lower the dose.  That stopped the problem with keeping my eyes open, but continues to make me tired.

The chemotherapy drugs are now out of my system, however, the entire process continues to mess with my body.  I've learned that there is actually something called "Chemo Brain", where your memory is affected.  My neurological issues already screw with my memory, so this is making me look like an idiot.  I've mentioned how the color of my skin has changed on a previous post.  Now another skin issue is happening.  I've never struggled with acne, but I am now...even though I'm in menopause and I've always heard that crap is supposed to stop during that time!  

The scar tissue from my lumpectomy is interesting.  Not only is it larger than I thought it would be, but it's so hard that you'd think I have another tumor, making it uncomfortable based on how I'm laying down.

The most ridiculous, frustrating, embarrassing, time consuming and painful side effects I continue to deal with are my gastrointestinal issues. They make me miserable.  I had to have a colonoscopy to check for problems in my colon because of what I'm dealing with.  Luckily, there is nothing wrong.  It was the most disgusting preparation for a procedure I've ever had to go through, since you are asked to drink a concoction of different nasty products, and you have to drink A LOT of them!  

I want my body back.  I'm tired of "Chemo Brain", being tired all the time, the menopause side effects, and most of all, the gastrointestinal problems.  I've heard that it can take up to a year for your body to completely recover from Chemotherapy.  7 months is a long time to have to continue to deal with these issues.  I've had it.  I believe I've dealt with everything cancer has sent my way without any argument and, on most days, with a smile on my face.  I'm just tapped out.

Okay, there are the bad things.  Sorry if I bummed you out.  Like I've always said, I think it's important to keep this experience real so that not only do I remember it because of my crappy memory, but so that it's available for other people to read in the event that they also develop cancer.  Unfortunately, it's already helping a few people I know.  

I do have good things happening, too!  My hair is regrowing, and it's growing much faster than I thought it would.  I'm using a shampoo and conditioner specifically for hair regrowth, and I take a hair growth supplement.  My hair is growing back much more salt than pepper, and it's definitely growing in with what they call the "Chemotherapy Curl".  It wasn't naturally curly before.  It is right now.  I'm trying to decide whether I'm going to color it like I always have, or keep it its natural color.  I look forward to the day I can pack up all the Chemotherapy caps and hats that I've worn since April.  I have a box ready for them, and I don't think I'll need them much longer.

I'm also finally getting my feet under me at my new job.  It has been a stressful three months as I've learned the new curriculum, and what the school and the district requires of me.  Public schools are very different than charter, and each day I learn more and more.  My administrators have been incredible through this by not only being new, but also being understanding with my health problems.  It has made this part of my life a little easier.

I found an incredible stamping plate, and its theme is cancer.  I look forward to using it in the future, especially next October.

Here's the progression of my hair growth:

August

September

October

November

December

This is the hairstyle I'm thinking about doing.  This is the color my hair is now, and I think it's really cute.  My hair is just about long enough to do this, and then I won't need to wear the caps on my head anymore.

Throughout all of this, I have missed my mom so much.  This is the first medical problem I've had (and I've had MANY) where she hasn't been here.  I like to think that she is proud of me, and how I've dealt with this entire experience.  My memory issues have taken away many memories of her.  If I didn't have pictures, I wouldn't remember what she looked like.  If I didn't happen to have a few recordings of her, I wouldn't remember what she sounded like.  It is a side effect of my neurological issues that has robbed me of so many memories throughout the years.  Important memories that most people take for granted.  NEVER take for granted your memories, good or bad.  

Here's to hoping 2023 is a better year.  It's funny because I've hit my medical deductible within the first 3 months of the year the past 3 years in a row.  It's nice not having to pay for medication and doctor's visits, and to have procedures pretty much paid for!  The "joke" now is, "I wonder what will happen in 2023 to make me reach the deductible"!  It's not really a joke, but I still wonder.  If it's not one thing, it's another.  

Reflections

I had my last radiation treatment yesterday and I'm officially cancer free.  As I sit here this morning, having had a celebratory dinner, (Texas Roadhouse!) I find myself reflecting on the past 7 months.  If you'd like a recap, click HERE for all of my posts about this journey.

You'd think that I'd be screaming from the roof, "I'm cancer free!", but I've found myself feeling very indifferent about this.  I figured this would be the easiest post I'd write concerning this process.  Turns out, I can't quite think of what to say.  Seriously...I really don't know what to say!

Seven months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I cried and screamed.  I was scared and angry.  I didn't know what was going to happen, or how I was going to make it through this diagnosis.  I lost my hair, my taste buds, and a little weight.  I found myself forced to find another job while continuing through chemotherapy adding even more stress to my life.

I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  My body is still recovering from chemotherapy, and will now begin recovering from radiation treatment.  I will go through a few weeks of pain, redness, and itching.  I just started a new school year at a new school, needing to learn a brand new curriculum and computer system.  Technology and I don't get along very well, and after only two days of school I'm completely overwhelmed and on information overload!  Maybe that is why I'm just not as excited about this.  My brain is busy thinking about too many things!

I am worried about continual side effects, such as "chemo brain" where you have trouble remembering things, fatigue that will now be even worse since radiation is over, and the gastroenterology problems I'm still dealing with.  

I will now have a mammogram every six months to not only monitor the spot where I had cancer, but to make sure the very small mass found in my left breast doesn't grow into cancer.  

I will begin taking anti-estrogen pills to help keep cancer cells from regrowing.  These will continue to push my body into menopause, and continual hot flashes will be a constant in my life.  Since I've been told I'm in the hottest room in the building at school, this will be fun!  Sorry, I'm just not feeling very festive right now.  The usual "laughing it off me" just isn't here right now.  This has COMPLETELY changed my body and life, and I'm pretty sure I will be dealing with the side effects until I'm gone.

On a positive note, my hair is slowly growing back.  It's hard to tell because it's all coming in white.  I can eat food again, and there isn't poison running through my veins.  This experience could've been much worse.  Treatment could've been twice as long, and it could've taken my life.  My bouncy self will return, but right now I have to reserve it for 5th graders 5 days a week, 7.5 hours each day!

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and support throughout the past 7 months.  It has been helpful knowing that there have been so many people rooting for me.

Radiation Therapy: Week One

Now that I've completed my 4 rounds of chemotherapy, I will begin Radiation therapy. If you're not familiar with my story, click HERE to get caught up.

I will go through three weeks of therapy, 5 days a week.  Each session will take about 20 minutes.  Last week I had to have parts of my breast "tattooed" with what was described to me as tags so that the radiologists would know how to line me up on the table each day.  These "tags" were poked into me with a needle.  They will leave permanent "freckles" on my skin.  I have 6 of them, and I can clearly see them.  Just another way for cancer to leave its mark on me!

The radiation machine, which is called a Linear Accelerator, is huge.  I lay on my back with my arms above my head.  There are two small poles that I hold onto and once I'm in position I'm not allowed to move at all.  The machine then moves around me.  For once the machine doesn't get too close to me, so I don't feel claustrophobic. 

While I'm undergoing radiation therapy, there are certain "rules" I need to follow so that I don't further irritate my skin.  I have to use aluminum free deodorant to help avoid skin problems.  They gave me a list of products to choose from.  They also have a preferred list of lotions to use to help keep my skin from peeling and to provide comfort.  I've been told to expect my skin to turn red like a sunburn, and to expect it to hurt.  I've also been told that I can't shave my armpit while undergoing radiation.  Here's to hoping my hair doesn't start growing back there!  Radiation will shrink my remaining breast tissue another 10 - 15%....lovely.  I was hoping to avoid breast reduction surgery on my other breast, but I worry that now it may be needed.  We'll see.

Day 1; 7/26/22

I arrived and changed into a gown.  The radiologists are so nice.  They showed me the lockers where I can put my stuff, and I got ready to be taken back to the machine.  I was asked if there was any music I'd like to listen to since they have Spotify.  I told them 80s music all the way!  

After lining me up and letting me know I can't move until they're done, they started the machine.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  Would I see the actual radiation beams, or something else coming through the machine?  Nope.  What they did have was nice ceiling art to look at while I was on the table.  Something similar to this picture:

This first appointment took about 30 minutes since they needed to take x-rays for comparison later on.  It was really easy, and went quickly.

When I got home, I started to notice that I was feeling warm on my right breast.  I wasn't expecting to feel anything this quickly, so I put on the approved lotion that I bought.  I was also more tender than normal, and it was uncomfortable to lay flat on the bed.  I began wondering if I was going to have to figure out another way to comfortably sleep.  

Day 2; 7/27/22

The appointment only took about 15 minutes from the time I got there until the time I left!  I spent less than 5 minutes on the table.  One song on Spotify didn't even finish!  I wasn't as sore as Day 1, but still warm, so I used the cream again.  I will most likely use that every day.

Day 3 & 4; 7/28 - 7/29/22

I was EXHAUSTED day 3 and 4.  It was like my 2nd round of chemotherapy type of exhaustion, where I couldn't even keep my eyelids open.  I'm wondering if the radiation fatigue that isn't supposed to hit me until after treatment is over is hitting me now.  I was told that the side effects could last for up to a year, and since I'm already experiencing the fatigue, I wouldn't be surprised if this is what happens. 

I finally broke down at home yesterday.  I believe I've handled this very well since my diagnosis in January.  I had surgery in March and recovered quickly.  I shaved my head in preparation for chemotherapy and didn't cry hysterically.  I went through two rounds of chemotherapy while continuing to work, two more over the summer, and I believe I handled chemotherapy like a champ.  I've fought through every disgusting side effect that has been thrown my way, many that I'm still struggling with, and have just kept on going, trying so hard to not complain along the way.  But I've had it.  I'm done.  I want control of my body back.  

I'm stressed about how these new side effects will get in the way of my daily life, and how those I continue to experience will make it even more difficult.  It sounds like the radiation effects are possibly worse than chemotherapy effects!  I go back to work on the 10th.  I have a NEW classroom to completely move into and set up, a NEW curriculum to learn, and a NEW job to fulfill.  I will continue to do what I've always done, and, as Dory says, "Keep on swimming".  It's the only way I know how to keep going.

Here's an incredible performance of New Kids on the Block and New Edition from the American Music Awards from January of this year.  

Chemotherapy Update

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted.  If you're not familiar with my story, click HERE to learn all about it.

As you may have realized, I've been gone for a while and haven't been updating my blog.  I've been looking for work since April, and due to potential employers looking you up on social media, I needed to temporarily turn off my blog and my YouTube videos so that I wouldn't be discriminated against.  Let's face it; people are nervous when they hear the word CANCER, and I just couldn't risk it.  So along with surgery and chemotherapy, I've also been stressing about finding a job.  It hasn't been easy.  I'm so excited that I found a job teaching 5th grade at a school nearby!  

Needless to say, I'm thrilled to be back!  So many things have happened since my last post.  The rest of round two of Chemotherapy went well, with no big problems.  I ended the school year and was thrilled to no longer have to juggle both work and Chemotherapy since I still had round 3 and 4 left.

The first thing I did to start my summer?  I went to the New Kids on The Block concert!  There's nothing quite like 20,000 screaming fans to get you going!  We had INCREDIBLE seats.  Closer than the last concert, about 8 rows back from the floor.  I've been a fan of New Kids on The Block (NKOTB) since I was 11.  When I was young, I had their posters all over the walls of my bedroom, and tons of merchandise.  When I was 12, I was able to go to one of their concerts when they came to Fresno, California.  They were "nosebleed" seats, and I don't remember much about the concert at all, but I was able to see them.  In 2008 they came back together and began making new music and touring again.  I've now seen them the last 3 times they've come to Salt Lake City.  They know how to feed off of nostalgia and put on a show!  These 5 men, 4 of whom are over 50, work their butts off each night while on tour, and they make it look easy, still sounding fantastic.  I will go to their concerts until they can't move any longer!

The shirt a friend of a friend made for me

My sister and I

Why yes, the band member in the center picture (Danny Wood) is wearing a Han Solo t-shirt!!

 Never Gonna Give You Up!!  

It was a fabulous night, and one that will always be special to me.

OK, back to the health garbage! Round three of chemotherapy brought a few new side effects.  I had the same antibiotic round one and two, and I had no problems with it.  Round three my body decided that it was suddenly allergic to it.  About 10 days into round three I woke up covered in hives.  I could hardly open my eyes, I was swollen and itching all over, and I could hardly sleep.  Luckily I was able to see my oncologist the next day and was given anti-itch and steroid medications to get rid of the hives.  It worked quickly, which was fabulous.  

I also began developing brown spots on my face.  Apparently this is another side effect of chemotherapy. They are very obvious on the sides of my face, and I also have one on an eyelid, and it makes my eye shadow look weird.  My taste buds returned, along with my appetite.  The only food I've found that I still can't stand is potato chips...no matter the brand.  So much for the weight I'd lost.  I'm guessing it won't take long for it to all come back.  Oh well.

You can clearly see the change in my skin tone.  I am NOT happy about this, and I don't think it will go away!

I've always tried to be open and honest with these posts, and share with you whatever this was doing to my body, no matter how gross.  I've debated for a while about sharing the latest, and most frustrating side effect since it is VERY embarrassing, but I figure, why not?  So here we go...

At the end of round two, I began developing hemorrhoids.  Not just your regular hemorrhoids.  I'm talking hemorrhoids on steroids!  When they first started I had to miss a day of work due to the pain I was in.  It hurt to stand, sit, walk, everything.  And it was difficult to sleep.  I went to the Urgent Care and they only told me to do what I already was doing...thanks for that!  Eventually I was able to see a Gastroenterologist and this side effect is pretty much under control.  I will continue to see the doctor so that this doesn't get out of hand again.  Without a doubt, this has been the worst part of my Chemotherapy experience!

My fourth and final round of Chemotherapy was on July 1st.  At the appointment with the oncologist before my treatment, I was told that chemotherapy would send my body into menopause.  Chemotherapy basically puts the ovaries to sleep, stopping the entire process.  I will begin taking anti estrogen pills since estrogen can stimulate breast cancer cells to grow.  Getting rid of the estrogen will help slow down, and even keep the cancer from returning.  The downside?  Hot flashes, and apparently I will begin growing hair on my face, like men do!  The hot flashes began at the end of round 2, and they haven't been fun.  I also had to deal with another round of hives.  So the theory that I'm allergic to the antibiotic doesn't hold now since I was given a different antibiotic after round three when this happened the first time.  I also continued to suffer through hemorrhoids.  "Hives and Hemorrhoids" became the phrase to describe round three and four!

When I left at the end of chemotherapy that day, I was given this bottle of Apple Cider.  I thought it was really sweet of them.  Many people will ring the bell inside the treatment room when they complete their last round of chemotherapy, but I just didn't feel like doing it.  I only had to go through 4 treatments and they were only four hours each, where many people have to go through 8.  I think it should be reserved for those who have to suffer through 8 rounds and are there for 8 hours each time.

So chemotherapy is finished.  Four months went by pretty fast.  I think my body and mind handled it well.  It could've been a lot worse.  Now the process of getting this poison completely out of my body and regrowing my hair begins.  I was lucky and didn't lose my eyebrows, and still have strands of hair on my head.  I also didn't lose many eyelashes.  I'm noticing that the hairs on my head that survived chemotherapy are already growing longer.  What I'm worried about is that I'm not seeing new hair growing in all the other spots of my scalp.  I've read that about 6 weeks after your last round of chemotherapy is when you should start to see hair growth.  Many people have documented their process on YouTube.  Needless to say, by week 3 many people have significant peach fuzz.  If we count July 1st as the first day of my last treatment, I'm already in week 4, and there's no fuzz.  In an attempt to help the process along, I bought a hair growth supplement and a new shampoo and conditioner made specifically for my situation.  I know this is going to take a long time, but I'm still nervous.  It's a little bittersweet.  I absolutely want my hair back, however, it's become very easy to get ready each morning.  I haven't needed to do anything with my hair, and shaving hasn't been necessary for months now!  

I'm half way done with my cancer treatment.  Chemotherapy is done, and radiation begins in a few days.  I'll have another blog post detailing that treatment later. 

Round Two RECOVERY - Week One

I've been told by doctor's that the way I react to round one of Chemotherapy is the way I'll react to each round.  Boy, did they lie!  This last week, for lack of a better term, has been HELL.  

Round two was on a Friday afternoon and I went back to school the Monday after.  I discovered very quickly that having spring break off during my first round was VERY IMPORTANT.  I was so exhausted last week that I could barely keep my eyes open.  I actually couldn't keep my eyes open.  That's never happened before.  My bone pain wasn't that bad until Wednesday.  By then, I was done moving around.  Simply moving was nearly impossible.  Between that, developing a fever, and a few other gross side effects that I'm not going to explain here, I ended up missing work on Thursday and Friday.  I was NOT happy about that.  My mouth has been extremely dry this time around.  I don't know if dry is the way to explain it.  It's this weird chalky feeling which makes it a challenge to swallow and even talk at times.  Needless to say, I'm very grateful that my next two rounds of chemotherapy will be during the summer when I don't have to worry about doing ANYTHING.

This time I had the IV through my arm, towards my elbow.  This bruise is over a week old.  Last time it went into my hand and I didn't bruise.  Won't be doing this again.  

Let's see, the positives from this past week:

I received a package from my cousin last week.  He made this crown for me.  I was told to wear it on days where I needed a confidence booster, or to feel like I needed to be in charge of something regarding this situation.  I have a feeling I'll be wearing it soon.  Such a sweet gift.

The shirt for my New Kids on the Block concert is finished and on it's way to me.  An old friend has a friend who makes shirts and she worked with me to create this.  My friend also paid for this, which blew me out of the sky!

I am a HUGE fan of Greg Gutfeld.  He's on a few shows on Fox News.  Back in November, before all this crap started, I bought tickets to his show.  He doesn't do many, and just happened to pick Salt Lake as one of his locations.  Needles to say, I was very excited about this.  As last week progressed, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it.  Luckily, by Saturday I was feeling better, and determined to go!  I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.  It was definitely needed.  After the show I had the opportunity to have dinner with my Aunt and four of my cousins that I hadn't seen for at least 20 years.  So much fun!

I've been periodically stepping on the scale since I need to make sure my weight is where it's supposed to be.  I stepped on it Tuesday and about lost my mind.  I've lost 11 pounds since starting chemotherapy!  I've also been told a lot of people GAIN weight.  I don't see how that's possible.  Between the salty taste of food, and now only being able to finish about half my plate before I'm full, the weight is falling off.  So maybe there's another positive side effect of chemotherapy??  It's definitely motivating me to keep this going.  

Looks like I've had a few great positives this week that have almost balanced out the crap.  I have 8 school days left.  Then I can just not stress and let this all run it's course.  If all goes well, my last round will be the beginning of July, and radiation therapy will start in August.

Since I seem to be ending each post with a video, enjoy this from the Rascal Flatts.  I love this song, and the video is a great take on it.

Round Two

Week three of my round one recovery was fine.  The salt taste was gone from my mouth, which was wonderful.  I tried Panda Express again, and it looks like it will be quite a while before I eat there again.  These drugs have changed my taste buds for a while.  The biggest thing I noticed this week was that despite getting the same amount of sleep, and even a little more, fatigue kicked in...BIG TIME.  I've never actually been so tired that it was difficult to keep my eye lids open, but here we are.

Yesterday was my second chemotherapy treatment.  Thankfully, it went much better than the first.  The Benadryl was pumped in first, before any other drug.  Since they didn't need to pump it in fast to help counteract my reaction to the chemotherapy drugs, it was able to go in A LOT slower, and where I still felt it, it didn't put me to sleep.  After that they did another anti nausea medication, and one more that I can't remember.  Each of those drugs took 20 minutes, so I was there for an hour before we even got to the chemotherapy drugs.  All in all this round took about 4 hours.  I was able to sleep during half of it, so that was nice.

Looking back at my notes from the first round, I knew that bone pain was first on the list.  My doctor gave me a prescription to help with that.  As of now, I haven't had much bone pain at all.  My doctor did say that my body may not react quite the same since I've already had the drugs once.  It now recognizes them.  I've also kept taking Claritin each day, along with another immune system pill, which I'm guessing will also help.  

Last Wednesday, what I'd been waiting for finally happened...big time.  My hair started coming out.  It started off small, like in the first two pictures.  You've seen the 3rd picture.  I decided to help the hair loss process along and just pulled it out.  The last two pictures were what happened in the shower the next two days. 

After this HUGE round of hair loss, this is what I looked like:

It's weird how patchy it came out.  Guess I thought it would come out evenly.  Most of my hair was still in the front.

The rest of the week my hair slowly came out.  Each day I needed to clean out my hats and caps since I was losing hair each day, and clean off my pillow each morning.  As of this morning, here's what my head looks like:

So in one month, I've gone from hair before the cut, to hair after the cut, to hair after buzzing it all off, to hair after the main purge, to how it looks now.  That's a lot of different looks in 4 weeks!  I am almost COMPLETELY BALD!

I'll keep my eyes on my temperature the next few days.  Luckily, Brandon isn't magically sick this round, so that's one less thing to worry about.  Round three will be on June 10th, so technically 4 weeks from now instead of 3.  Why, you may ask?  Because my New Kids on the Block concert is on June 8th and I refused to have any treatments around that time.

Speaking of that concert, it is only 3 1/2 weeks away!  I bought this hat to wear the day of the concert, and I love it! 

I saw this poster in another NKOTB video and it hits home now.  I'm thinking about making a shirt that says this, except it wouldn't highlight Donnie, since he's not my favorite!  I'd probably say something like, "Cancer sucks!  Came to see NKOTB anyway!"  Any thoughts?

Here's to hoping this week is easier.  I have to go back to work Monday, so I won't have a week to sit at home and deal with everything.  Luckily, since we're so close to the end of the year....14 SCHOOL DAYS LEFT, the week is pretty easy.

Round One - RECOVERY Week Two

The past week has been pretty good.  Food isn't nearly as salty.  It comes and goes.  Just like the doctors said, I feel like normal again.  I had blood work done and my body is handling the drugs very well, and I'm staying healthy.  I've been more tired than usual, but that was to be expected.

The most interesting thing over the past week happened this morning.  I was beginning to wonder when I was going to start losing my hair.  When I got out of the shower,  I noticed the process has finally begun.  There were hairs on the shower floor, and a few strands on my pillow.  I am very grateful that I have already cut my hair.  Just seeing the short pieces in the shower was weird and would've been harder to deal with mentally had they been long.  I now have lint brushes in my house and purse, ready to clean up the mess this is going to make.

When I got home from school I was curious to see how easily my hair would come out.  Usually it takes a lot of work to pull out my gray hairs.  Because life is ridiculous, they are the hairs that want to hold on the most!  I pulled on my hair a little and was surprised when quite a bunch came out.  I did it again, and more came out.  I've watched YouTube videos of women losing their hair due to chemotherapy and they just cry and cry as their hair comes out.  I thought I would be more concerned about losing my hair.  Turns out, I'm not.  

I don't want to have to clean up strands of hair everywhere, because it's going to get EVERYWHERE.  I figure that if I just pull it out myself, I'm in charge of how this goes.  For some reason, that empowers me.  It's almost fascinating to see how this happens.  Maybe it's a way of trying to be in control of ONE part of this journey.  

Sorry if this sounds gross, but I don't care!  

So my hair is now falling out.  I'm not looking forward to this process, only because it's going to be messy.  My next chemotherapy treatment will be on May 13th.  Hopefully I will be able to handle it because unlike the first time, I'll have to go back to work 3 days later.

There are five weeks until the New Kids on the Block concert!  Once again, I'd like to end with a smile.  Enjoy this video from a few years ago.  I LOVE this video!

Round One - RECOVERY Week One

My spring break was a VERY ROUGH week.  I was in pain the majority of the week.  Bone pain is different than the "aches and pains" you get when you're sick.  It's more of an intense pain, and one that you feel throughout your entire body.  It makes sleeping difficult since the Claritin and Ibuprofen don't always help with the inflammation.  And they tend to ware off in the middle of the night.

Watching my temperature was the most important goal of the week.  I was sent home with an antibiotic and told to call the doctor if my temperature rose above 100.4.  Since life can never be easy for me, Brandon had a fever all week.  That meant he was "quarantined" to the 2nd floor of the house to keep me from getting sick.  According to a home test, he didn't have COVID, so we have no idea why he had a fever.  I suppose it just figures.

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty good.  I wasn't having any nausea problems, and there hadn't been any fever.  Next to the bone pain, which I was beginning to get used to, I wasn't experiencing any other symptoms, which made me so happy.

Thursday it all fell to pieces.  I noticed in the morning that the water in the big jug I use was tasting weird.  I realized that it was tasting like salt.  EVERYTHING was tasting like salt, my saliva included.  My taste buds were changing, which is a possible side effect of chemotherapy.  I was having bowel issues, and my temperature began to rise and fall so much that I had to call the on-call doctor and ask about whether or not I should take the antibiotic.  Nick bought Panda Express that night, and I couldn't eat it because my taste buds had changed so much, so fast.  Finding food I could eat now became a HUGE problem.  You're told to keep eating so that you can keep your strength up.  It's not easy when EVERYTHING tastes like GARBAGE.  My mouth has a chalky, dry feeling, and it doesn't go away.  I've been researching videos on YouTube to find tips and tricks about the food problem.

Friday I decided to try to run a few errands.  Brandon and I went to Kohl's and to get a few groceries.  It was during this trip that I began to start worrying about how I was going to survive the last 29 days of school.  I found myself moving a lot slower, and becoming winded much easier.

Saturday I almost ended up in the ER.  Around noon I began getting the chills, which meant I had a fever.  It remained steady at 101.5, so I called the on-call doctor.  Needless to say, I was freaking out, and wondering if I'd even make it to work on Monday.  Chemotherapy destroys your immune system.  Being around kids for 8 hours a day isn't the best environment to be in while having a compromised immune system.  The doctor told me to start the antibiotic, and said that if the fever remained into Sunday, I would need to go to the ER.  Needless to say, I was stressing out.  

Sunday morning started off well.  I didn't have any real pain until the afternoon when the bone pain kicked back in.  I was still having bowel issues, and finding food was nearly impossible. I would try many different foods in the house, and more often than not they were just gross. This food issue is really going to be a struggle.  I managed to not have a fever at all, so I was able to avoid the ER!  

Sunday was the day that I decided it was time to get rid of the rest of my hair, even though it hasn't started coming out on it's own.  After the major cut last week, I HATED what my hair looked like, so I was ready to simply have it gone.  Many people asked me if I was going to film it.  I did.  The video is below.  I managed to not fall apart, which made me proud of myself.  

    

You can actually see all the gray hair!!

Here's the final product

Here's what I look like with one of my caps on.  The caps I purchased are all made from really light material, but man, this made me a lot warmer than I thought it would.  I didn't expect that to happen.

Here's my wig.  I'm really happy with it.  I've always had bangs, so trying something a little different is nice.  It is VERY tight on my head, and I was only able to comfortably wear it for about 40 minutes today.  I am hoping that as I wear it more, it will loosen up.  I plan to embrace the bald look, using my caps and hats, and only wear the wig on certain occasions.  I haven't started losing my hair yet, but it won't be long.  

Sunday I slept like CRAP.  I was in so much pain that it was difficult to relax and fall asleep.  Then the pain woke me up half way through the night and I didn't really sleep after that.  Not great since I had to go back to work.  By the time I got home from work today, I was ready to die.  Exhausted and sore, I crashed.  I made it through the day, and that is the most important thing.  

Up to this point, none of my students knew about my cancer diagnosis.  I figured there wasn't any reason to tell them until it was obvious and I had all the information.  After shaving my head, it's obvious.  I now look like I have cancer.  I went to school today with a cap on, since my wig hadn't come in yet, and was instantly asked what was going on with my hair.  I let the kids know about my diagnosis, that I wasn't going to lose my life, and that they could ask me anything they wanted.  It opened up a great conversation where I was able to answer questions about what chemotherapy is, why you lose your hair, how it affects your immune system; it was like a mini science lesson!  I was grateful that they had questions.  I want my kids to know that challenges in life can be worked through and overcome.  

By the end of this week I will be feeling a lot better.  The bone pain will be almost gone, and my taste buds will come back for a week, so I'll make sure to eat everything I can!  Each day is a learning experience.  I'm learning how my body is going to react to the remaining three infusions.  I have my second infusion on May 13th, which will fall during the last 29 days of school.  This sucks, but here's to making it through it!

On a happy note, Brandon had the opportunity to meet Alex Boye at a church fireside yesterday.  To say I'm jealous is an understatement!  Not sure who he is?  Watch the video of him below with the Piano Guys.  I LOVE this song!