Reflections

I had my last radiation treatment yesterday and I'm officially cancer free.  As I sit here this morning, having had a celebratory dinner, (Texas Roadhouse!) I find myself reflecting on the past 7 months.  If you'd like a recap, click HERE for all of my posts about this journey.

You'd think that I'd be screaming from the roof, "I'm cancer free!", but I've found myself feeling very indifferent about this.  I figured this would be the easiest post I'd write concerning this process.  Turns out, I can't quite think of what to say.  Seriously...I really don't know what to say!

Seven months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I cried and screamed.  I was scared and angry.  I didn't know what was going to happen, or how I was going to make it through this diagnosis.  I lost my hair, my taste buds, and a little weight.  I found myself forced to find another job while continuing through chemotherapy adding even more stress to my life.

I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  My body is still recovering from chemotherapy, and will now begin recovering from radiation treatment.  I will go through a few weeks of pain, redness, and itching.  I just started a new school year at a new school, needing to learn a brand new curriculum and computer system.  Technology and I don't get along very well, and after only two days of school I'm completely overwhelmed and on information overload!  Maybe that is why I'm just not as excited about this.  My brain is busy thinking about too many things!

I am worried about continual side effects, such as "chemo brain" where you have trouble remembering things, fatigue that will now be even worse since radiation is over, and the gastroenterology problems I'm still dealing with.  

I will now have a mammogram every six months to not only monitor the spot where I had cancer, but to make sure the very small mass found in my left breast doesn't grow into cancer.  

I will begin taking anti-estrogen pills to help keep cancer cells from regrowing.  These will continue to push my body into menopause, and continual hot flashes will be a constant in my life.  Since I've been told I'm in the hottest room in the building at school, this will be fun!  Sorry, I'm just not feeling very festive right now.  The usual "laughing it off me" just isn't here right now.  This has COMPLETELY changed my body and life, and I'm pretty sure I will be dealing with the side effects until I'm gone.

On a positive note, my hair is slowly growing back.  It's hard to tell because it's all coming in white.  I can eat food again, and there isn't poison running through my veins.  This experience could've been much worse.  Treatment could've been twice as long, and it could've taken my life.  My bouncy self will return, but right now I have to reserve it for 5th graders 5 days a week, 7.5 hours each day!

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and support throughout the past 7 months.  It has been helpful knowing that there have been so many people rooting for me.