Hair Today...

...gone tomorrow.

Well, I knew this day was coming.  I had decided to cut off the majority of my hair before starting chemotherapy this Monday.  I've watched so many videos where the ladies would just brush out their hair and watch it come out in chunks...no thank you.  I was told by doctors that it will start falling out as early as 5 days after my first treatment.  I don't care about cutting it.  What makes me emotional is that this just means that I'm closer to losing it altogether.  It's going to fall into the shower drain, come out in clumps, and generally make a disgusting mess.  I'm NOT happy about this.  I spent the last week buying caps and different head coverings that I'll wear when I'm completely bald.  It's about to become VERY OBVIOUS to anyone who sees me that there is something wrong with me; that I have cancer.  I kept wondering when it was going to feel like this was real.  It finally feels real.  

This morning after I blew my hair dry.  It's been decades since it's been this long.

This was the first chop.  No problem.  I actually left with this hair in a bag.  Don't think I'll keep it.  Right now it's more a symbol of the process.

Here's the rest of my hair, minus the first cut.  It's quite a large and deep pile.

The one time I got emotional was when the sides of my hair were being shaved off.  It made sense to do it, even though that wasn't my original plan.  It's going to go fast, so why not just do it now?  I wasn't expecting to cry, and I didn't bawl my eyes out, but I got choked up.  The sides of my hair have NEVER been this short!  Can you see all the white hair?!?

    

This is what it looks like now.  It's a very "butch" haircut.  I absolutely HATE it, but oh well.  I won't have it much longer, so I suppose I'll just figure out how to deal with it.  I don't have to go to work next week, and I'm getting a wig tomorrow.  

It dawned on me that when my hair does begin to grow back, it will come back completely white.  I've been coloring my hair for years since I've been going gray for quite a while.  The picture of the side of my hair really shows me just how gray/white my hair is!  Again...oh well.  I was told that my hair is "in shock", for lack of a better term.  The hair that's left didn't want to be styled.  It wanted to lay flat like it's used to.  I was also told that it may not grow back like it has in the past.  The texture will probably be different.  

I'm trying to find the silver lining here.  I'm hoping that when I do completely shave my head it now won't be as much of a shock.  Who knows, I may want to shave it earlier simply because I HATE how my hair looks now!  I went through shampoo and conditioner like crazy.  That won't be a problem anymore.  Drying my hair took FOREVER.  Not anymore.  I have two boxes of hair color.  Won't need to use those for quite a while.  On the flip side, all the cute hair clips I have won't be used for years now, and my hair is going to look really stupid for MONTHS while it grows back.

This won't be the last time you hear about my hair.  Lucky you.  I will definitely post about the next stage of this process...completely losing it all.  Plus...

Round one begins Monday.