Round One - RECOVERY Week One

My spring break was a VERY ROUGH week.  I was in pain the majority of the week.  Bone pain is different than the "aches and pains" you get when you're sick.  It's more of an intense pain, and one that you feel throughout your entire body.  It makes sleeping difficult since the Claritin and Ibuprofen don't always help with the inflammation.  And they tend to ware off in the middle of the night.

Watching my temperature was the most important goal of the week.  I was sent home with an antibiotic and told to call the doctor if my temperature rose above 100.4.  Since life can never be easy for me, Brandon had a fever all week.  That meant he was "quarantined" to the 2nd floor of the house to keep me from getting sick.  According to a home test, he didn't have COVID, so we have no idea why he had a fever.  I suppose it just figures.

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty good.  I wasn't having any nausea problems, and there hadn't been any fever.  Next to the bone pain, which I was beginning to get used to, I wasn't experiencing any other symptoms, which made me so happy.

Thursday it all fell to pieces.  I noticed in the morning that the water in the big jug I use was tasting weird.  I realized that it was tasting like salt.  EVERYTHING was tasting like salt, my saliva included.  My taste buds were changing, which is a possible side effect of chemotherapy.  I was having bowel issues, and my temperature began to rise and fall so much that I had to call the on-call doctor and ask about whether or not I should take the antibiotic.  Nick bought Panda Express that night, and I couldn't eat it because my taste buds had changed so much, so fast.  Finding food I could eat now became a HUGE problem.  You're told to keep eating so that you can keep your strength up.  It's not easy when EVERYTHING tastes like GARBAGE.  My mouth has a chalky, dry feeling, and it doesn't go away.  I've been researching videos on YouTube to find tips and tricks about the food problem.

Friday I decided to try to run a few errands.  Brandon and I went to Kohl's and to get a few groceries.  It was during this trip that I began to start worrying about how I was going to survive the last 29 days of school.  I found myself moving a lot slower, and becoming winded much easier.

Saturday I almost ended up in the ER.  Around noon I began getting the chills, which meant I had a fever.  It remained steady at 101.5, so I called the on-call doctor.  Needless to say, I was freaking out, and wondering if I'd even make it to work on Monday.  Chemotherapy destroys your immune system.  Being around kids for 8 hours a day isn't the best environment to be in while having a compromised immune system.  The doctor told me to start the antibiotic, and said that if the fever remained into Sunday, I would need to go to the ER.  Needless to say, I was stressing out.  

Sunday morning started off well.  I didn't have any real pain until the afternoon when the bone pain kicked back in.  I was still having bowel issues, and finding food was nearly impossible. I would try many different foods in the house, and more often than not they were just gross. This food issue is really going to be a struggle.  I managed to not have a fever at all, so I was able to avoid the ER!  

Sunday was the day that I decided it was time to get rid of the rest of my hair, even though it hasn't started coming out on it's own.  After the major cut last week, I HATED what my hair looked like, so I was ready to simply have it gone.  Many people asked me if I was going to film it.  I did.  The video is below.  I managed to not fall apart, which made me proud of myself.  

    

You can actually see all the gray hair!!

Here's the final product

Here's what I look like with one of my caps on.  The caps I purchased are all made from really light material, but man, this made me a lot warmer than I thought it would.  I didn't expect that to happen.

Here's my wig.  I'm really happy with it.  I've always had bangs, so trying something a little different is nice.  It is VERY tight on my head, and I was only able to comfortably wear it for about 40 minutes today.  I am hoping that as I wear it more, it will loosen up.  I plan to embrace the bald look, using my caps and hats, and only wear the wig on certain occasions.  I haven't started losing my hair yet, but it won't be long.  

Sunday I slept like CRAP.  I was in so much pain that it was difficult to relax and fall asleep.  Then the pain woke me up half way through the night and I didn't really sleep after that.  Not great since I had to go back to work.  By the time I got home from work today, I was ready to die.  Exhausted and sore, I crashed.  I made it through the day, and that is the most important thing.  

Up to this point, none of my students knew about my cancer diagnosis.  I figured there wasn't any reason to tell them until it was obvious and I had all the information.  After shaving my head, it's obvious.  I now look like I have cancer.  I went to school today with a cap on, since my wig hadn't come in yet, and was instantly asked what was going on with my hair.  I let the kids know about my diagnosis, that I wasn't going to lose my life, and that they could ask me anything they wanted.  It opened up a great conversation where I was able to answer questions about what chemotherapy is, why you lose your hair, how it affects your immune system; it was like a mini science lesson!  I was grateful that they had questions.  I want my kids to know that challenges in life can be worked through and overcome.  

By the end of this week I will be feeling a lot better.  The bone pain will be almost gone, and my taste buds will come back for a week, so I'll make sure to eat everything I can!  Each day is a learning experience.  I'm learning how my body is going to react to the remaining three infusions.  I have my second infusion on May 13th, which will fall during the last 29 days of school.  This sucks, but here's to making it through it!

On a happy note, Brandon had the opportunity to meet Alex Boye at a church fireside yesterday.  To say I'm jealous is an understatement!  Not sure who he is?  Watch the video of him below with the Piano Guys.  I LOVE this song!

Round One

Well, it was a day.  We arrived a little before 10AM and a blood draw was taken to use for future comparisons.  The infusions take place in a large room where there are lots of chairs and I can pick which one I want to sit at.  They are comfortable chairs that recline, so that's nice.  They also provide pillows, warm blankets, basic snacks and different types of juices to drink.

The RN who was working with me went through a folder that was given to me, telling me all about the infusions I was going to have, what the side effects are, and the medications I can take to counteract them.  

I will be given the regimen TC, which stands for Taxotere and Cytoxan, the two drugs I'll be given.  They are both given through an IV.  They will disrupt the growth of the cancer cells and will then destroy them.  Unfortunately, the drugs can't distinguish between cancer and normal cells, which is why there are side effects.  Both drugs will decrease my white blood cell count, increasing my risk of infection.  I was sent home with an antibiotic and told that if my temperature rises above 100.4 I am to call them and begin the antibiotic.  Both infusions will make me lose my hair, but I already figured that one.  Bone pain, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, diarrhea, mouth sores, fluid retention, and fatigue are also common.  So you know, just a few things to look out for!  We are now a pharmacy with all the over-the-counter drugs we had to buy for these possible side effects!

The nurse put my IV in and shot me full of anti-nausea medication.  The meds will stay in my system for 3 - 5 days.  I was happy to learn that.  The infusion of that drug took about 20 minutes.  During that time I grabbed my ear buds and ipad and began watching stuff to keep me entertained.  

After the anti-nausea meds we began the Taxotere, which should've taken about an hour.  My immune system is strong, and within about 5 minutes of this drug going into me, my immune system was NOT happy and began trying to counteract it to get that crap out of my body!  The best way to describe it is that I began feeling pain down all the veins in my body, and even into my chest.  It was as if I could actually feel the medication going into me.  They had to stop the infusion.  I was given oxygen to be safe, my blood pressure was checked, and after "flushing" the IV to get rid of the Taxotere, I was given Benadryl to counteract the drug.  There's no other feeling like that of a drug going into your system through an IV.  Within 5 minutes of that Benadryl going in, I was almost slurring my words and ready to fall asleep.  15 minutes later the Taxotere was restarted, however, it was being pumped in at a much slower speed.  I didn't have any other problem with it.  I will now be given Benadryl before each infusion of this drug, and it will take longer than an hour, which is just fine.  My body trying to fight the Taxotere is something I hope to never feel again!  My second infusion was the Cytoxan.  Luckily, I had no trouble with this one.  The nurse did pump it in slower, so it took about an hour.  

All in all, the next three rounds of chemotherapy will take about three hours.  I go back in two weeks for another blood draw and they will look at what is called Nadir (pronounced "nah-deer").  This is the point during chemotherapy when a patients blood cell counts are the lowest during each round of treatment.  During this time I will feel the most tired before the blood cell counts go up, just in time to start the process again.  They need this information to make sure my dosage is correct, and to basically keep me as healthy as possible.

The day of each infusion I will have my blood drawn to check my white blood cell count.  If it's too low, the infusion will be rescheduled.  Since the medication will already lower my white blood cell count, they can't give me more if it's too low.  Fighting off diseases and infections would be even more difficult.  I plan on continuing to work during all of this.  I'm grateful for a strong immune system because I'm going to need it working with 6th graders!  

So far the only side effect I'm feeling is the bone pain.  Of all things, Claritin is a drug that helps this.  Where it's an allergy pill, it has an antihistamine which decreases the amount of inflammation and swelling in bone marrow and helps reduce the pain.  I was told by the nurse that keeping myself hydrated will help keep side effects away.  I'm now drinking enough water that I'm make multiple trips to the restroom each hour!  It's annoying, and I wonder how I'll do this when I go back to school after spring break next week!  Oh well.  One problem at a time.  If doing this keeps the other DISGUSTING side effects away, I'll take it!

I know it's too early for my hair to be coming out, but I'm finding myself running my fingers through my hair just to see.  I will most likely buzz the rest of it off this weekend.  I just don't even want to deal with losing it in chunks and finding it everywhere.  My sister and I found a wig last Saturday that will be here next Monday.  Wigs are RIDICULOUSLY expensive, so I'll just have the one.  It will also cost me $30 each month to have it properly cleaned.  Just add that to the crazy amount of money I've already spent on cancer.  I have caps and hats that I'll also use.  I'll definitely post pictures of the wig and other head pieces.

So there's round one.  I'm glad I chose to do this during spring break so that I could see how my body will react.  I have a thermometer with me and I'm checking my temperature often.  I've never worried about getting sick before, but I'm very aware of it now.  The next, and last round that will happen during the school year will be on a Friday, giving me the weekend to recover.  I managed to schedule my 3rd round to happen AFTER my NKOTB concert in June, so I should be feeling great for that!!  If all goes well, my last round will be on July 1st and then radiation will begin soon after that.

 

Hair Today...

...gone tomorrow.

Well, I knew this day was coming.  I had decided to cut off the majority of my hair before starting chemotherapy this Monday.  I've watched so many videos where the ladies would just brush out their hair and watch it come out in chunks...no thank you.  I was told by doctors that it will start falling out as early as 5 days after my first treatment.  I don't care about cutting it.  What makes me emotional is that this just means that I'm closer to losing it altogether.  It's going to fall into the shower drain, come out in clumps, and generally make a disgusting mess.  I'm NOT happy about this.  I spent the last week buying caps and different head coverings that I'll wear when I'm completely bald.  It's about to become VERY OBVIOUS to anyone who sees me that there is something wrong with me; that I have cancer.  I kept wondering when it was going to feel like this was real.  It finally feels real.  

This morning after I blew my hair dry.  It's been decades since it's been this long.

This was the first chop.  No problem.  I actually left with this hair in a bag.  Don't think I'll keep it.  Right now it's more a symbol of the process.

Here's the rest of my hair, minus the first cut.  It's quite a large and deep pile.

The one time I got emotional was when the sides of my hair were being shaved off.  It made sense to do it, even though that wasn't my original plan.  It's going to go fast, so why not just do it now?  I wasn't expecting to cry, and I didn't bawl my eyes out, but I got choked up.  The sides of my hair have NEVER been this short!  Can you see all the white hair?!?

    

This is what it looks like now.  It's a very "butch" haircut.  I absolutely HATE it, but oh well.  I won't have it much longer, so I suppose I'll just figure out how to deal with it.  I don't have to go to work next week, and I'm getting a wig tomorrow.  

It dawned on me that when my hair does begin to grow back, it will come back completely white.  I've been coloring my hair for years since I've been going gray for quite a while.  The picture of the side of my hair really shows me just how gray/white my hair is!  Again...oh well.  I was told that my hair is "in shock", for lack of a better term.  The hair that's left didn't want to be styled.  It wanted to lay flat like it's used to.  I was also told that it may not grow back like it has in the past.  The texture will probably be different.  

I'm trying to find the silver lining here.  I'm hoping that when I do completely shave my head it now won't be as much of a shock.  Who knows, I may want to shave it earlier simply because I HATE how my hair looks now!  I went through shampoo and conditioner like crazy.  That won't be a problem anymore.  Drying my hair took FOREVER.  Not anymore.  I have two boxes of hair color.  Won't need to use those for quite a while.  On the flip side, all the cute hair clips I have won't be used for years now, and my hair is going to look really stupid for MONTHS while it grows back.

This won't be the last time you hear about my hair.  Lucky you.  I will definitely post about the next stage of this process...completely losing it all.  Plus...

Round one begins Monday.

And the Winner for my Cancer Treatment is...

It's been a long two weeks.  For any of you not familiar with my story, click HERE to learn all about it.  

It actually took the entire 10 business days to get the results of the Oncotype test back.  This last Tuesday, the 5th, I received the phone call that I've been basically waiting for since January 31st when I found out I have breast cancer.  I already know that I will need radiation therapy.  But was I going to also need chemotherapy?  The test gives you a score from 0 - 100.  If you reach a score of 26 or higher, you will benefit from chemotherapy.  I scored a 30...BARELY out of range.  So yes, I will be receiving chemotherapy treatments.

My consultation appointment was this afternoon.  When I walked up to the receptionist to check in, to my left was a room I recognized from YouTube videos.  It's the room where chemotherapy treatments happen.  I sat down and had to hold it together because I just wanted to cry.

My doctor went over all the different types of chemotherapy that are options for me.  There are two that can cause issues with your heart.  Thankfully, I don't need those.  I will have what's called TC (docetaxel and cyclophosphamide).  It will be given via IV once every three weeks.  Thankfully, I won't need a port.  Each infusion will take roughly 4 hours, so this will take about three months to complete.  I will then be reevaluated to see if I need a second round.  Chemotherapy will take the odds of cancer returning to different parts of my body from 19% without it, to about 4% if I have the treatment.

Side effects can be brutal.  The doctor let me know that I will definitely lose my hair.  Period.  I'm glad that I'd already come to terms with this.  About three weeks into my treatment the hair will begin to fall out.  Nausea is another huge issue.  Luckily, I will not only receive medication to help prevent it before my infusion, but also to help with it afterwards.  Constipation and diarrhea are also possible.  Yuck.  Neuropathy is also something I could be facing.  The idea of loosing the feeling in my hands and feet makes me nervous, so here's to hoping I don't have to deal with that.  The biggest side effect will be the fact that my white blood cell count will go down.  I will be more susceptible to getting sick and contracting infections.  Because of this, I will be given an antibiotic to take home and use the moment I'm not feeling well.  For someone who doesn't get sick very often, and works with children, this could be interesting.

I was told that during this first infusion I will discover the side effects I will face for the entire round.  The doctor believes I will be able to keep working, which is fabulous.  Since there are only about 6 weeks of school left, I'll only have two infusions before summer break.  I've decided to begin chemotherapy the first day of my spring break, April 18th.  This will give me the week to see how I will feel.  The doctor told me that the 1st week is always the worst, and by the third week I'll be feeling back to normal...just in time for the next infusion!  

I'm ready to lose my hair.  I've watched videos of women who wait to cut their hair until it begins falling out in clumps....DISGUSTING!  Why would you wait that long?!?  That must make the process even more depressing.  Plus, hair everywhere makes me want to throw up!  I plan on cutting my hair next weekend, before my first infusion.  My hair is currently quite long.  It's been DECADES since my hair has been as long as it is now.  It falls about four inches below my shoulders.  I'm actually looking into the possibility of creating a wig with my hair.  I have no idea if it will work.  If not, I'm hoping to be able to donate it since I will be losing more than the amount needed to do so.  I'm already looking into purchasing head scarfs and turbans specifically made for chemotherapy patients.  Maybe even a wig.  I've had really short hair before, so I'm not scared of it.  The only difference is that last time I was about 40 pounds lighter, so I have NO IDEA if I will be able to rock it this well:

So much has happened since January 31st.  I'm doing all that I can to "keep on swimming", through this, but like I said in my first post about this:  I fear that this may be the challenge that breaks me.  Between the regular day-to-day things in life, being diagnosed with breast cancer, having gone through a lumpectomy, and now the unknown territory of chemotherapy, I'm tapped out.  People ask me how I'm doing, and I've decided to no longer just say, "I'm doing good".  Nope.  I'm now telling the truth.  When I'm asked how I'm doing, I let them know I'm not doing well.

I try to keep smiling through EVERY health issue I've faced in my life, but this is how I really feel right now: