The Fallout From Cancer

Almost a year ago my life changed forever.  On January 31, 2022, I was told that I had breast cancer.  After a long battle that included surgery, hair loss, months of pain, harmful chemicals being pushed into my body, undergoing radiation treatments, all the while having to look for a new job, applying for many jobs, and attending stressful interviews, I am done.  I had an ultrasound mammogram done of October 26th and found out on November 2nd that I am officially CANCER FREE!  I can't describe how glad I am that the treatments are over that the cancer is gone.

Where I wish it would've been smooth sailing since becoming cancer free, it has been anything but that.  To help keep the cancer from returning, I now take an anti-estrogen pill that has created some frustrating side effects.  I'm only 44 and I'm in full blown menopause.  It's ridiculous.  I experience multiple hot flashes each day, and have to have access to a fan at school, at home during the day, and at night.  Even though it's winter, and it's freezing outside, I have a fan on.  Unfortunately, due to the age of the building I work in, my classroom is always a balmy 75 degrees, so the fan doesn't bother the kids very much.  I tell them to wear their jackets if it does!!

  

When I first began this medication, it was too strong, making me so tired that I literally couldn't keep my eyes open.  Working at a brand new job, this wasn't the kind of impression I wanted to make, so we had to lower the dose.  That stopped the problem with keeping my eyes open, but continues to make me tired.

The chemotherapy drugs are now out of my system, however, the entire process continues to mess with my body.  I've learned that there is actually something called "Chemo Brain", where your memory is affected.  My neurological issues already screw with my memory, so this is making me look like an idiot.  I've mentioned how the color of my skin has changed on a previous post.  Now another skin issue is happening.  I've never struggled with acne, but I am now...even though I'm in menopause and I've always heard that crap is supposed to stop during that time!  

The scar tissue from my lumpectomy is interesting.  Not only is it larger than I thought it would be, but it's so hard that you'd think I have another tumor, making it uncomfortable based on how I'm laying down.

The most ridiculous, frustrating, embarrassing, time consuming and painful side effects I continue to deal with are my gastrointestinal issues. They make me miserable.  I had to have a colonoscopy to check for problems in my colon because of what I'm dealing with.  Luckily, there is nothing wrong.  It was the most disgusting preparation for a procedure I've ever had to go through, since you are asked to drink a concoction of different nasty products, and you have to drink A LOT of them!  

I want my body back.  I'm tired of "Chemo Brain", being tired all the time, the menopause side effects, and most of all, the gastrointestinal problems.  I've heard that it can take up to a year for your body to completely recover from Chemotherapy.  7 months is a long time to have to continue to deal with these issues.  I've had it.  I believe I've dealt with everything cancer has sent my way without any argument and, on most days, with a smile on my face.  I'm just tapped out.

Okay, there are the bad things.  Sorry if I bummed you out.  Like I've always said, I think it's important to keep this experience real so that not only do I remember it because of my crappy memory, but so that it's available for other people to read in the event that they also develop cancer.  Unfortunately, it's already helping a few people I know.  

I do have good things happening, too!  My hair is regrowing, and it's growing much faster than I thought it would.  I'm using a shampoo and conditioner specifically for hair regrowth, and I take a hair growth supplement.  My hair is growing back much more salt than pepper, and it's definitely growing in with what they call the "Chemotherapy Curl".  It wasn't naturally curly before.  It is right now.  I'm trying to decide whether I'm going to color it like I always have, or keep it its natural color.  I look forward to the day I can pack up all the Chemotherapy caps and hats that I've worn since April.  I have a box ready for them, and I don't think I'll need them much longer.

I'm also finally getting my feet under me at my new job.  It has been a stressful three months as I've learned the new curriculum, and what the school and the district requires of me.  Public schools are very different than charter, and each day I learn more and more.  My administrators have been incredible through this by not only being new, but also being understanding with my health problems.  It has made this part of my life a little easier.

I found an incredible stamping plate, and its theme is cancer.  I look forward to using it in the future, especially next October.

Here's the progression of my hair growth:

August

September

October

November

December

This is the hairstyle I'm thinking about doing.  This is the color my hair is now, and I think it's really cute.  My hair is just about long enough to do this, and then I won't need to wear the caps on my head anymore.

Throughout all of this, I have missed my mom so much.  This is the first medical problem I've had (and I've had MANY) where she hasn't been here.  I like to think that she is proud of me, and how I've dealt with this entire experience.  My memory issues have taken away many memories of her.  If I didn't have pictures, I wouldn't remember what she looked like.  If I didn't happen to have a few recordings of her, I wouldn't remember what she sounded like.  It is a side effect of my neurological issues that has robbed me of so many memories throughout the years.  Important memories that most people take for granted.  NEVER take for granted your memories, good or bad.  

Here's to hoping 2023 is a better year.  It's funny because I've hit my medical deductible within the first 3 months of the year the past 3 years in a row.  It's nice not having to pay for medication and doctor's visits, and to have procedures pretty much paid for!  The "joke" now is, "I wonder what will happen in 2023 to make me reach the deductible"!  It's not really a joke, but I still wonder.  If it's not one thing, it's another.