The Waiting Game

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The worst part about this process (so far) is that I can't plan ahead.  As I've said before, I am a planner, and getting to the actual surgery and treatment is a step by step process.  I had my genetic test done Tuesday.  It has to be sent off to a lab somewhere in the United States and it will take 7 - 12 BUSINESS DAYS to get the results back!!!  The results of this test will tell us which surgery I need:  a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  I will then most likely have to wait for another appointment with my surgeon before a surgery date is even scheduled.  12 business days from today is March 4th.  

I am hoping that I only need a lumpectomy.  This means the surgeon will simply take out the mass, along with a few lymph nodes from under my arm pit, move tissue around in my breast to try and make it look "normal" again, and then close me up.  That surgery would only take about 10 days to recover from.  

A mastectomy would be discussed if the cancer is likely to come back, even after treatment.  It would also require an appointment with a plastic surgeon so they could determine how much reconstructive surgery would be needed.  Since this would be removing my entire breast, I've been told it's a 4 - 6 WEEK recovery.  The thought of a mastectomy scares me to death.  

Last night I was talking to Nick about all this, and it dawned on me that when you hear the phrase BREAST CANCER, many immediately freak out, just like I did.  Why is this?  Well, I think in a lot of ways we've been taught to freak out about cancer.  Television, movies, YouTube, and articles all add to the fear.  You hear the most about the worst cases of breast cancer. 

Some cancers, like the brain cancer that killed my mom are very serious and are an emergency. And there are some who are diagnosed with breast cancer whose cases are far worse than mine.  As we wait for all of this to play out, I am beginning to realize how much this is not really an emergency for me.  After being told I have cancer, I had to wait a week to see my surgeon and find out about the genetic test.  I had to wait another week to have a zoom call with the genetic doctor before I could even have the test done.  If my case was an emergency, you'd think that this first part would be moving A LOT FASTER, and that this genetic test wouldn't take up to 12 days to come back!  

I bring this up because I've been trying not to freak out about the surgery and treatment process.  I have a life outside of cancer, and I'm not going to let this run my life.  Brandon starts baseball in March.  I will need to get him to practice and go to his games.  He currently plays basketball and I take him to those games.  I only have a few PTO days left this year at work.  This affects those I work with, and my ability to continue bringing money into our family so that we can continue to pay bills.  The longer I can go before surgery, the better.  Surgery probably wouldn't have been scheduled until mid to late March anyway.  This surgery can wait until the middle of April when I have spring break.  By then there will only be a few weeks left in the school year, and I won't have to worry as much about that.  I won't be able to start treatment until after I've healed, so that will give me all summer to deal with this crap.  I can be sick, lose my hair, all of it.  Brandon's baseball will be over, and with the exception of a New Kids on the Block concert in the beginning of June which I WILL NOT MISS, I have no summer plans!