I've been told by doctor's that the way I react to round one of Chemotherapy is the way I'll react to each round. Boy, did they lie! This last week, for lack of a better term, has been HELL.
Round two was on a Friday afternoon and I went back to school the Monday after. I discovered very quickly that having spring break off during my first round was VERY IMPORTANT. I was so exhausted last week that I could barely keep my eyes open. I actually couldn't keep my eyes open. That's never happened before. My bone pain wasn't that bad until Wednesday. By then, I was done moving around. Simply moving was nearly impossible. Between that, developing a fever, and a few other gross side effects that I'm not going to explain here, I ended up missing work on Thursday and Friday. I was NOT happy about that. My mouth has been extremely dry this time around. I don't know if dry is the way to explain it. It's this weird chalky feeling which makes it a challenge to swallow and even talk at times. Needless to say, I'm very grateful that my next two rounds of chemotherapy will be during the summer when I don't have to worry about doing ANYTHING.
This time I had the IV through my arm, towards my elbow. This bruise is over a week old. Last time it went into my hand and I didn't bruise. Won't be doing this again.
Let's see, the positives from this past week:
I received a package from my cousin last week. He made this crown for me. I was told to wear it on days where I needed a confidence booster, or to feel like I needed to be in charge of something regarding this situation. I have a feeling I'll be wearing it soon. Such a sweet gift.
The shirt for my New Kids on the Block concert is finished and on it's way to me. An old friend has a friend who makes shirts and she worked with me to create this. My friend also paid for this, which blew me out of the sky!
I am a HUGE fan of Greg Gutfeld. He's on a few shows on Fox News. Back in November, before all this crap started, I bought tickets to his show. He doesn't do many, and just happened to pick Salt Lake as one of his locations. Needles to say, I was very excited about this. As last week progressed, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it. Luckily, by Saturday I was feeling better, and determined to go! I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. It was definitely needed. After the show I had the opportunity to have dinner with my Aunt and four of my cousins that I hadn't seen for at least 20 years. So much fun!
I've been periodically stepping on the scale since I need to make sure my weight is where it's supposed to be. I stepped on it Tuesday and about lost my mind. I've lost 11 pounds since starting chemotherapy! I've also been told a lot of people GAIN weight. I don't see how that's possible. Between the salty taste of food, and now only being able to finish about half my plate before I'm full, the weight is falling off. So maybe there's another positive side effect of chemotherapy?? It's definitely motivating me to keep this going.
Looks like I've had a few great positives this week that have almost balanced out the crap. I have 8 school days left. Then I can just not stress and let this all run it's course. If all goes well, my last round will be the beginning of July, and radiation therapy will start in August.
Since I seem to be ending each post with a video, enjoy this from the Rascal Flatts. I love this song, and the video is a great take on it.
Week three of my round one recovery was fine. The salt taste was gone from my mouth, which was wonderful. I tried Panda Express again, and it looks like it will be quite a while before I eat there again. These drugs have changed my taste buds for a while. The biggest thing I noticed this week was that despite getting the same amount of sleep, and even a little more, fatigue kicked in...BIG TIME. I've never actually been so tired that it was difficult to keep my eye lids open, but here we are.
Yesterday was my second chemotherapy treatment. Thankfully, it went much better than the first. The Benadryl was pumped in first, before any other drug. Since they didn't need to pump it in fast to help counteract my reaction to the chemotherapy drugs, it was able to go in A LOT slower, and where I still felt it, it didn't put me to sleep. After that they did another anti nausea medication, and one more that I can't remember. Each of those drugs took 20 minutes, so I was there for an hour before we even got to the chemotherapy drugs. All in all this round took about 4 hours. I was able to sleep during half of it, so that was nice.
Looking back at my notes from the first round, I knew that bone pain was first on the list. My doctor gave me a prescription to help with that. As of now, I haven't had much bone pain at all. My doctor did say that my body may not react quite the same since I've already had the drugs once. It now recognizes them. I've also kept taking Claritin each day, along with another immune system pill, which I'm guessing will also help.
Last Wednesday, what I'd been waiting for finally happened...big time. My hair started coming out. It started off small, like in the first two pictures. You've seen the 3rd picture. I decided to help the hair loss process along and just pulled it out. The last two pictures were what happened in the shower the next two days.
After this HUGE round of hair loss, this is what I looked like:
It's weird how patchy it came out. Guess I thought it would come out evenly. Most of my hair was still in the front.
The rest of the week my hair slowly came out. Each day I needed to clean out my hats and caps since I was losing hair each day, and clean off my pillow each morning. As of this morning, here's what my head looks like:
So in one month, I've gone from hair before the cut, to hair after the cut, to hair after buzzing it all off, to hair after the main purge, to how it looks now. That's a lot of different looks in 4 weeks! I am almost COMPLETELY BALD!
I'll keep my eyes on my temperature the next few days. Luckily, Brandon isn't magically sick this round, so that's one less thing to worry about. Round three will be on June 10th, so technically 4 weeks from now instead of 3. Why, you may ask? Because my New Kids on the Block concert is on June 8th and I refused to have any treatments around that time.
Speaking of that concert, it is only 3 1/2 weeks away! I bought this hat to wear the day of the concert, and I love it!
I saw this poster in another NKOTB video and it hits home now. I'm thinking about making a shirt that says this, except it wouldn't highlight Donnie, since he's not my favorite! I'd probably say something like, "Cancer sucks! Came to see NKOTB anyway!" Any thoughts?
Here's to hoping this week is easier. I have to go back to work Monday, so I won't have a week to sit at home and deal with everything. Luckily, since we're so close to the end of the year....14 SCHOOL DAYS LEFT, the week is pretty easy.
The past week has been pretty good. Food isn't nearly as salty. It comes and goes. Just like the doctors said, I feel like normal again. I had blood work done and my body is handling the drugs very well, and I'm staying healthy. I've been more tired than usual, but that was to be expected.
The most interesting thing over the past week happened this morning. I was beginning to wonder when I was going to start losing my hair. When I got out of the shower, I noticed the process has finally begun. There were hairs on the shower floor, and a few strands on my pillow. I am very grateful that I have already cut my hair. Just seeing the short pieces in the shower was weird and would've been harder to deal with mentally had they been long. I now have lint brushes in my house and purse, ready to clean up the mess this is going to make.
When I got home from school I was curious to see how easily my hair would come out. Usually it takes a lot of work to pull out my gray hairs. Because life is ridiculous, they are the hairs that want to hold on the most! I pulled on my hair a little and was surprised when quite a bunch came out. I did it again, and more came out. I've watched YouTube videos of women losing their hair due to chemotherapy and they just cry and cry as their hair comes out. I thought I would be more concerned about losing my hair. Turns out, I'm not.
I don't want to have to clean up strands of hair everywhere, because it's going to get EVERYWHERE. I figure that if I just pull it out myself, I'm in charge of how this goes. For some reason, that empowers me. It's almost fascinating to see how this happens. Maybe it's a way of trying to be in control of ONE part of this journey.
Sorry if this sounds gross, but I don't care!
So my hair is now falling out. I'm not looking forward to this process, only because it's going to be messy. My next chemotherapy treatment will be on May 13th. Hopefully I will be able to handle it because unlike the first time, I'll have to go back to work 3 days later.
There are five weeks until the New Kids on the Block concert! Once again, I'd like to end with a smile. Enjoy this video from a few years ago. I LOVE this video!
My spring break was a VERY ROUGH week. I was in pain the majority of the week. Bone pain is different than the "aches and pains" you get when you're sick. It's more of an intense pain, and one that you feel throughout your entire body. It makes sleeping difficult since the Claritin and Ibuprofen don't always help with the inflammation. And they tend to ware off in the middle of the night.
Watching my temperature was the most important goal of the week. I was sent home with an antibiotic and told to call the doctor if my temperature rose above 100.4. Since life can never be easy for me, Brandon had a fever all week. That meant he was "quarantined" to the 2nd floor of the house to keep me from getting sick. According to a home test, he didn't have COVID, so we have no idea why he had a fever. I suppose it just figures.
Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty good. I wasn't having any nausea problems, and there hadn't been any fever. Next to the bone pain, which I was beginning to get used to, I wasn't experiencing any other symptoms, which made me so happy.
Thursday it all fell to pieces. I noticed in the morning that the water in the big jug I use was tasting weird. I realized that it was tasting like salt. EVERYTHING was tasting like salt, my saliva included. My taste buds were changing, which is a possible side effect of chemotherapy. I was having bowel issues, and my temperature began to rise and fall so much that I had to call the on-call doctor and ask about whether or not I should take the antibiotic. Nick bought Panda Express that night, and I couldn't eat it because my taste buds had changed so much, so fast. Finding food I could eat now became a HUGE problem. You're told to keep eating so that you can keep your strength up. It's not easy when EVERYTHING tastes like GARBAGE. My mouth has a chalky, dry feeling, and it doesn't go away. I've been researching videos on YouTube to find tips and tricks about the food problem.
Friday I decided to try to run a few errands. Brandon and I went to Kohl's and to get a few groceries. It was during this trip that I began to start worrying about how I was going to survive the last 29 days of school. I found myself moving a lot slower, and becoming winded much easier.
Saturday I almost ended up in the ER. Around noon I began getting the chills, which meant I had a fever. It remained steady at 101.5, so I called the on-call doctor. Needless to say, I was freaking out, and wondering if I'd even make it to work on Monday. Chemotherapy destroys your immune system. Being around kids for 8 hours a day isn't the best environment to be in while having a compromised immune system. The doctor told me to start the antibiotic, and said that if the fever remained into Sunday, I would need to go to the ER. Needless to say, I was stressing out.
Sunday morning started off well. I didn't have any real pain until the afternoon when the bone pain kicked back in. I was still having bowel issues, and finding food was nearly impossible. I would try many different foods in the house, and more often than not they were just gross. This food issue is really going to be a struggle. I managed to not have a fever at all, so I was able to avoid the ER!
Sunday was the day that I decided it was time to get rid of the rest of my hair, even though it hasn't started coming out on it's own. After the major cut last week, I HATED what my hair looked like, so I was ready to simply have it gone. Many people asked me if I was going to film it. I did. The video is below. I managed to not fall apart, which made me proud of myself.
You can actually see all the gray hair!!
Here's the final product
Here's what I look like with one of my caps on. The caps I purchased are all made from really light material, but man, this made me a lot warmer than I thought it would. I didn't expect that to happen.
Here's my wig. I'm really happy with it. I've always had bangs, so trying something a little different is nice. It is VERY tight on my head, and I was only able to comfortably wear it for about 40 minutes today. I am hoping that as I wear it more, it will loosen up. I plan to embrace the bald look, using my caps and hats, and only wear the wig on certain occasions. I haven't started losing my hair yet, but it won't be long.
Sunday I slept like CRAP. I was in so much pain that it was difficult to relax and fall asleep. Then the pain woke me up half way through the night and I didn't really sleep after that. Not great since I had to go back to work. By the time I got home from work today, I was ready to die. Exhausted and sore, I crashed. I made it through the day, and that is the most important thing.
Up to this point, none of my students knew about my cancer diagnosis. I figured there wasn't any reason to tell them until it was obvious and I had all the information. After shaving my head, it's obvious. I now look like I have cancer. I went to school today with a cap on, since my wig hadn't come in yet, and was instantly asked what was going on with my hair. I let the kids know about my diagnosis, that I wasn't going to lose my life, and that they could ask me anything they wanted. It opened up a great conversation where I was able to answer questions about what chemotherapy is, why you lose your hair, how it affects your immune system; it was like a mini science lesson! I was grateful that they had questions. I want my kids to know that challenges in life can be worked through and overcome.
By the end of this week I will be feeling a lot better. The bone pain will be almost gone, and my taste buds will come back for a week, so I'll make sure to eat everything I can! Each day is a learning experience. I'm learning how my body is going to react to the remaining three infusions. I have my second infusion on May 13th, which will fall during the last 29 days of school. This sucks, but here's to making it through it!
On a happy note, Brandon had the opportunity to meet Alex Boye at a church fireside yesterday. To say I'm jealous is an understatement! Not sure who he is? Watch the video of him below with the Piano Guys. I LOVE this song!
Well, it was a day. We arrived a little before 10AM and a blood draw was taken to use for future comparisons. The infusions take place in a large room where there are lots of chairs and I can pick which one I want to sit at. They are comfortable chairs that recline, so that's nice. They also provide pillows, warm blankets, basic snacks and different types of juices to drink.
The RN who was working with me went through a folder that was given to me, telling me all about the infusions I was going to have, what the side effects are, and the medications I can take to counteract them.
I will be given the regimen TC, which stands for Taxotere and Cytoxan, the two drugs I'll be given. They are both given through an IV. They will disrupt the growth of the cancer cells and will then destroy them. Unfortunately, the drugs can't distinguish between cancer and normal cells, which is why there are side effects. Both drugs will decrease my white blood cell count, increasing my risk of infection. I was sent home with an antibiotic and told that if my temperature rises above 100.4 I am to call them and begin the antibiotic. Both infusions will make me lose my hair, but I already figured that one. Bone pain, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, diarrhea, mouth sores, fluid retention, and fatigue are also common. So you know, just a few things to look out for! We are now a pharmacy with all the over-the-counter drugs we had to buy for these possible side effects!
The nurse put my IV in and shot me full of anti-nausea medication. The meds will stay in my system for 3 - 5 days. I was happy to learn that. The infusion of that drug took about 20 minutes. During that time I grabbed my ear buds and ipad and began watching stuff to keep me entertained.
After the anti-nausea meds we began the Taxotere, which should've taken about an hour. My immune system is strong, and within about 5 minutes of this drug going into me, my immune system was NOT happy and began trying to counteract it to get that crap out of my body! The best way to describe it is that I began feeling pain down all the veins in my body, and even into my chest. It was as if I could actually feel the medication going into me. They had to stop the infusion. I was given oxygen to be safe, my blood pressure was checked, and after "flushing" the IV to get rid of the Taxotere, I was given Benadryl to counteract the drug. There's no other feeling like that of a drug going into your system through an IV. Within 5 minutes of that Benadryl going in, I was almost slurring my words and ready to fall asleep. 15 minutes later the Taxotere was restarted, however, it was being pumped in at a much slower speed. I didn't have any other problem with it. I will now be given Benadryl before each infusion of this drug, and it will take longer than an hour, which is just fine. My body trying to fight the Taxotere is something I hope to never feel again! My second infusion was the Cytoxan. Luckily, I had no trouble with this one. The nurse did pump it in slower, so it took about an hour.
All in all, the next three rounds of chemotherapy will take about three hours. I go back in two weeks for another blood draw and they will look at what is called Nadir (pronounced "nah-deer"). This is the point during chemotherapy when a patients blood cell counts are the lowest during each round of treatment. During this time I will feel the most tired before the blood cell counts go up, just in time to start the process again. They need this information to make sure my dosage is correct, and to basically keep me as healthy as possible.
The day of each infusion I will have my blood drawn to check my white blood cell count. If it's too low, the infusion will be rescheduled. Since the medication will already lower my white blood cell count, they can't give me more if it's too low. Fighting off diseases and infections would be even more difficult. I plan on continuing to work during all of this. I'm grateful for a strong immune system because I'm going to need it working with 6th graders!
So far the only side effect I'm feeling is the bone pain. Of all things, Claritin is a drug that helps this. Where it's an allergy pill, it has an antihistamine which decreases the amount of inflammation and swelling in bone marrow and helps reduce the pain. I was told by the nurse that keeping myself hydrated will help keep side effects away. I'm now drinking enough water that I'm make multiple trips to the restroom each hour! It's annoying, and I wonder how I'll do this when I go back to school after spring break next week! Oh well. One problem at a time. If doing this keeps the other DISGUSTING side effects away, I'll take it!
I know it's too early for my hair to be coming out, but I'm finding myself running my fingers through my hair just to see. I will most likely buzz the rest of it off this weekend. I just don't even want to deal with losing it in chunks and finding it everywhere. My sister and I found a wig last Saturday that will be here next Monday. Wigs are RIDICULOUSLY expensive, so I'll just have the one. It will also cost me $30 each month to have it properly cleaned. Just add that to the crazy amount of money I've already spent on cancer. I have caps and hats that I'll also use. I'll definitely post pictures of the wig and other head pieces.
So there's round one. I'm glad I chose to do this during spring break so that I could see how my body will react. I have a thermometer with me and I'm checking my temperature often. I've never worried about getting sick before, but I'm very aware of it now. The next, and last round that will happen during the school year will be on a Friday, giving me the weekend to recover. I managed to schedule my 3rd round to happen AFTER my NKOTB concert in June, so I should be feeling great for that!! If all goes well, my last round will be on July 1st and then radiation will begin soon after that.
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