If you're not caught up with my story, click HERE to read all about it.
Thursday I received the results of my genetic test. Long story short, I don't carry the genes which would make Breast Cancer likely to occur again. I will be having a Lumpectomy with a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy. Along with taking the mass out of my right breast, a few of the lymph nodes in my right armpit will also be removed. The mass and lymph nodes will be looked at by pathology to help determine if the cancer has metastasized, or spread, to other parts of my body. This will determine which type of cancer treatment I will need: radiation or chemotherapy.
I was hoping that my surgery could wait until mid April when I would have Spring break. After talking with my doctor today, she feels that I shouldn't wait that long. When I asked her when I should have the surgery, she said, "How about next Thursday?" My mind started spinning. Today is February 28th. I will be having surgery next Thursday, March 10th! I didn't think it would be that quick. I'm really happy that I've already started buying the things that I will need!
I have been watching A LOT of videos on YouTube all about the surgery I'm going to have, and breast cancer in general. You can actually find videos of an actual Lumpectomy. I've never watched a video of a surgery I was going to have prior to the actual surgery. I watched one the other day. I couldn't finish the video....it was just nasty, and made me squirm! I don't recommend watching videos of surgeries you're going to have; wait until they're done!
I've read that sleeping can be a problem for a while. Laying flat is discouraged, for obvious reasons. Luckily, not only do we have a reclining couch, but a bed that is adjustable. Thanks to these, I won't need to purchase a "wedge" type bed pillow. Saving money is always great, especially when you see all the other things I will need!
In my research I have read that they make pillows to be used during a Lumpectomy recovery. Keeping my arm separated from my side will be important, and I will need extra support since my armpit will also be in pain. These pillows are made to help aide this process. They have a pocket in the front where you can put an ice pack, and there is an adjustable strap on the pillow to help keep it in place. I have already purchased the pillow on the left. Not only will it be used in the house, but it will help definitely provide cushion from the seatbelt whenever I'm in the car; especially on the ride home.
I will not be able to move my right arm very well for a while, so the clothing I wear will need to be different. During recovery, a very soft, but supportive front closing bra is the only way to go. For the first 7 - 10 days, I will need to wear a bra 24/7...yuck. Through my research I have found a company that makes bras specifically for this purpose. The company is calledanaonoand they have many garments to choose from.
Another article of clothing I will need is a lot of button down shirts. I won't be able to lift my arm up and over my head, especially if I have a drain attached, so shirts like these will be crucial for my recovery and comfort. I never thought that finding casual button down shirts would be difficult, but it has been quite a challenge! I've found that pajama tops are the only shirts that are both button up and casual enough that I won't mind getting them dirty.
I'm now busy making substitute lesson plans, and getting all of my grading completed. The week I come back will be the last week of the quarter, so getting grades ready will be the focus.
I'm very nervous, but I've been nervous before every surgery. Let the main part of the marathon begin...
The worst part about this process (so far) is that I can't plan ahead. As I've said before, I am a planner, and getting to the actual surgery and treatment is a step by step process. I had my genetic test done Tuesday. It has to be sent off to a lab somewhere in the United States and it will take 7 - 12 BUSINESS DAYS to get the results back!!! The results of this test will tell us which surgery I need: a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. I will then most likely have to wait for another appointment with my surgeon before a surgery date is even scheduled. 12 business days from today is March 4th.
I am hoping that I only need a lumpectomy. This means the surgeon will simply take out the mass, along with a few lymph nodes from under my arm pit, move tissue around in my breast to try and make it look "normal" again, and then close me up. That surgery would only take about 10 days to recover from.
A mastectomy would be discussed if the cancer is likely to come back, even after treatment. It would also require an appointment with a plastic surgeon so they could determine how much reconstructive surgery would be needed. Since this would be removing my entire breast, I've been told it's a 4 - 6 WEEK recovery. The thought of a mastectomy scares me to death.
Last night I was talking to Nick about all this, and it dawned on me that when you hear the phrase BREAST CANCER, many immediately freak out, just like I did. Why is this? Well, I think in a lot of ways we've been taught to freak out about cancer. Television, movies, YouTube, and articles all add to the fear. You hear the most about the worst cases of breast cancer.
Some cancers, like the brain cancer that killed my mom are very serious and are an emergency. And there are some who are diagnosed with breast cancer whose cases are far worse than mine. As we wait for all of this to play out, I am beginning to realize how much this is not really an emergency for me. After being told I have cancer, I had to wait a week to see my surgeon and find out about the genetic test. I had to wait another week to have a zoom call with the genetic doctor before I could even have the test done. If my case was an emergency, you'd think that this first part would be moving A LOT FASTER, and that this genetic test wouldn't take up to 12 days to come back!
I bring this up because I've been trying not to freak out about the surgery and treatment process. I have a life outside of cancer, and I'm not going to let this run my life. Brandon starts baseball in March. I will need to get him to practice and go to his games. He currently plays basketball and I take him to those games. I only have a few PTO days left this year at work. This affects those I work with, and my ability to continue bringing money into our family so that we can continue to pay bills. The longer I can go before surgery, the better. Surgery probably wouldn't have been scheduled until mid to late March anyway. This surgery can wait until the middle of April when I have spring break. By then there will only be a few weeks left in the school year, and I won't have to worry as much about that. I won't be able to start treatment until after I've healed, so that will give me all summer to deal with this crap. I can be sick, lose my hair, all of it. Brandon's baseball will be over, and with the exception of a New Kids on the Block concert in the beginning of June which I WILL NOT MISS, I have no summer plans!
Saturday was the first time I was able to feel the lump in my breast. If I had thought to check earlier, I would've discovered it prior to last week. It started to sink in a little more when that happened. Over the weekend as people read my blog, I began to receive a lot of supportive comments from friends and family. My appointment with the surgeon was scheduled for today (Tuesday). Over the weekend I spent a few hours watching videos about cancer and chemotherapy, and I was able to compile a list of questions that I needed to ask the surgeon. It became a waiting game. And it was a LONG 5 days.
Heading to my appointment this afternoon, my nerves were getting the best of me, and I was emotional. My surgeon is fantastic. She took over an hour with us, explaining everything, drawing pictures, and writing down the "dumbed down" definitions to all of these new words and phrases we're being bombarded with.
I'm going to be VERY BLUNT with my descriptions, and just lay it all out there. I see this as a way to bring awareness and knowledge to other people about breast cancer, much like my blog posts regarding my seizure disorder and surgeries have done. So here is the "dumbed down" news from today:
I have a benign mass in my left breast that measures 1.3 centimeters. This will not be removed right now. I will have mammograms every 6 months to make sure it isn't growing. After two years, if it still hasn't become cancerous, it most likely won't. I can choose to have it removed at any time, which I will probably do in the future. I'd rather have it gone and not have to worry about it.
I have a cancerous mass in my right breast that measures 3.4 x 2.6 x 2.6 centimeters. It needs to be removed. My surgeon has said that I need to have the surgery done in the next 6 - 8 weeks, so this is not a DO IT NOW situation, which is wonderful.
There are quite a few steps that need to be taken BEFORE I have surgery. First, I will meet with a genetic counselor for more testing. Doctors need to know if my genes show that the cancer is likely to return. This will determine which type of surgery I have. It takes about 5 business days to receive the results from this test. If testing shows the cancer will return, I'll need a mastectomy. The idea of that scares me to death. If the cancer is not likely to return, I will have what they call "breast conservation" surgery. This includes a lumpectomy and oncoplastic reduction, where the fatty tissue in my breast will be moved around to help fill in the hole being left behind, along with removing any excess skin. A Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy will also be done during surgery where they will harvest a few lymph nodes from my arm pit to make sure the cancer hasn't metastasized.
The mass and lymph nodes will then be taken to pathology where it will take 7 - 10BUSINESS DAYS to determine whether or not I will need chemotherapy. THAT will be a VERY LONG WAIT while I recover from surgery. The lumpectomy surgery will take about 10 days to recover from. A mastectomy will take about four weeks to recover from. I will need radiation either way. Radiation is given 5 days a week, for only 20 minutes. How many weeks the treatment will last can't be determined until after surgery. The surgeon said it makes some people very tired, but it is different for everyone. It would be FANTASTIC if I only had to do radiation. Chemotherapy takes MUCH longer, and breaks down your body, making it difficult to do ANYTHING.
Once the surgeries and treatments are completed, I can decide if I would like reconstruction surgery done on my left breast, helping to create symmetry once again. That would be the best time to also have the benign mass removed.
So I'm once again in a holding pattern. This truly is a "one step at a time" process, which is so frustrating. I won't know WHAT surgery I can have until the genetic counseling information comes back. I won't know WHEN I can have surgery until the counseling comes back. I won't know HOW LONGI'll need radiation until after the surgery. I won't know IF I'll need chemotherapy until after the surgery. This many unknowns would make anyone crazy. It makes me want to SCREAM!
I REALLY don't like the color PINK. In fact, I HATE the color PINK! The "official" color for all things breast cancer related.....is PINK! Figures. Guess I'll have to get used to it. I'll keep you all posted.
Well, it's been quite a while since I've updated my blog.
Since my last post, my mom passed away on October 18, 2020 from Glioblastoma, which is a fatal, and VERY aggressive form of brain cancer. It only took 38 days from her diagnosis for this HORRIBLE disease to kill her. 38 days...38 days. My sister and I had to watch as my mom lost control of her mind, body, and all of her faculties. She no longer knew who any of us were, which was one of the hardest parts for me. I think deep down she knew who I was, but I never heard her say my actual name again. She always referred to me as "my sister, Barbara". We joked about it since my mom actually does have a sister named Barbara, but it still stung. The last compliment she gave me was about a new shirt I was wearing. I will never get rid of that shirt...ever. It's probably the last coherent thought I shared with her. As someone who has dealt with brain issues for over 20 years, it never ceases to amaze me just how important the brain is, and how much it can completely ruin your life when it's not working correctly. Mom was my Shirley McClaine from the movie Terms of Endearment. I have A LOT of health problems, and she was always the person who was my advocate. Life punched us all in the gut when this happened. We miss her every single day.
If you're not aware of my health history, click here to catch up on it. Apparently dealing with a seizure disorder, vestibular migraines, horrible dizziness, and laryngospasm, where my throat will suddenly close, temporarily cutting off the ability to breathe and making me fear that I'm going to die due to lack of oxygen, just wasn't enough for my body to deal with. I've now been presented with another health challenge.
January 18th I had my first mammogram ever in a mobile unit that my insurance company provides. For of those of you who have never had a mammogram, they are not a pleasant experience. Between 5 and 10 pounds of pressure are placed on each breast while they are squeezed into different positions. You then have to hold your breath and stand still while the images are taken, all while you're being squeezed. Having a VNS device inside the upper part of my left chest made getting the images of that side even more fun! It felt like the device was being pulled down my chest. The only male equivalent I can come up with is imagining what it would feel like if your penis was being smashed between two pieces of metal!
I was told at the time that since it was my first mammogram, I would probably be asked to go to the main center to have more detailed images taken so that doctors would know what my baseline is for the future. Sure enough, I was asked to do that. I believe that if you are having your first mammogram, you shouldn't be told to use the mobile unit when they know they'll need more involved images.
This past Monday, January 31st, I went to the main center to have these detailed images taken. After the initial set of pictures, I was asked to sit in a room and wait to find out if any additional images were needed. The room had no clock, no magazines, and we weren't allowed to have our cell phones with us. Needless to say, it was a long 20 minutes. It's already an uncomfortable and nerve racking experience. Maybe provide something to help distract the patients!
The tech came back and let me know that additional images were indeed needed, so I went and did them. The lady then told me that I may need to have ultrasounds done. It was at this point that my spidy senses began to tingle, and I knew something was wrong. As I was being led back to "the room with no distractions", I asked the tech if this was bad, and she simply said, "Well, let's just wait and see". That wasn't very consoling and basically confirmed my fear. I sat in the room waiting another 20 minutes and was then brought back to have ultrasounds of both breasts done. It was all I could do to keep myself from breaking down and crying during the procedure.
Once that was finished, I stayed in the room and waited while the doctor looked at the ultrasounds somewhere else. When the tech came back into the room, I said, "If I'm about to get bad news, I would like you to bring my husband in. He's in the waiting room". When she left to go and get him, I completely lost it. My first mammogram, and I was about to be told that I have cancer.
I have what looks like a small, benign mass on my left breast, and a larger mass on my right breast that the doctor is certain is cancer. I have breast cancer. I was able to have biopsies of each breast done a few minutes later. Apparently that's not normal. They usually make you come back on another day, so I suppose that's a good thing. If there can be any silver lining here.
The biopsy was quite the experience. After sterilizing the breast, it is numbed. I was able to watch the screen while a needle was put into each each breast multiple times while tissue samples were taken. From what I could tell, they had to go about 7 centimeters in, which wasn't fun. A "chip" the size of a gnat was punched into the breast to help ensure doctor's are as accurate as possible when the time comes to take the masses out. It was fascinating and scary all at the same time. I've joked for years that after the VNS and RNS devices were implanted I'm practically bionic. This only adds to it!
Once we left, I completely broke down in the car. Cancer. CANCER. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I screamed in the car, and thankfully Nick just let me get it all out. When we got home, he and Brandon went to run some errands and I screamed and cried more. I already have PLENTY of health problems that I deal with on a daily basis. DO I REALLY NEED ANOTHER ONE?
I wasn't able to sleep Monday night. I was in pain after my biopsy and my brain just wouldn't shut off. Brandon will be 15 next month. I have a son to raise. Loosing my mom when I was 41 was hard enough. There's NO WAY I'm going anywhere. We just bought a house. I need to be able to keep a job. All I ever hear about cancer is chemotherapy, people loosing their hair, and not being able to do much due to the side effects of chemotherapy. I've fought through SO MANY HEALTH PROBLEMS to make it this far, and I'm just so tired of it. I worry that this might just be what breaks me.
I was told that it would take 1 - 3 days to get the results back. It became a waiting game. The next day I received a call to set up a breast MRI. The RNS device inside my brain has to be turned off for me to be able to participate in another MRI. When my migraine doctor wanted to do it, I said OVER MY DEAD BODY. It's finally doing its job, significantly reducing my seizures. Turning it off was NOT an option. Now I'm a little more willing. This is more important. What kills me is that those who do the MRI's have to get the serial number of my RNS device and "research" whether or not it can be done...whatever THAT means. I told them all they needed to do was call my neurologist and she could quickly give them all the information that was needed. Apparently another person has to do all of the "research" and it could take a while. This is BREAST CANCER. Suddenly we can drag our feet? Seriously? They have appointments available this week. I'm taking the rest of this week off of work to mentally deal with this. NOW IS THE TIME TO GET MY TESTS DONE! I have a life to get back to. I need to know what my prognosis is. My boss needs to know. This has the potential to completely change not only my life, but the lives of everyone in it. I learned from my mom that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so I emailed my neurologist informing her what was happening and asked if she could simply call these people and give them the information they need so that we can get this moving.
I decided not to do any research. I looked at what a lumpectomy is, and what the recovery time is. No matter the results, I know that at the least I'll have another surgery to deal with. Fun, fun. Freaking myself out by doing any research when I didn't know exactly what I was facing didn't seem like a good idea. Taking this step by step sounded like the best move.
Today (Wednesday), this didn't seem real. The pain from the biopsy wasn't nearly as bad, and I had slept really well Tuesday night. I knew that this wouldn't seem real again until I received the results and was told what the prognosis and next steps would be. I finally received the call from the radiologist around 4PM. The mass on my left breast is benign, which is what he originally suspected. I have the most common type of breast cancer in my right breast: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. It is considered a grade 2 out of 3. It's not aggressive. The stage the cancer is in won't be determined until after the surgery when a pathologist can get a better look at it. I also found out that a chest MRI was deemed unsafe due to my "bionic body". I am COMPLETELY okay with that. They have plenty of detailed images to proceed.
After the phone call I decided to start researching. The biggest thing I've discovered is that breast cancer is a marathon. It's not just surgery and done. I won't know what kind of post surgery treatment I'll need until after the surgery is completed. Many things factor into whether I will just need hormonal therapy, radiation, or chemotherapy. I am a very organized person. I don't like "winging it". I want to know what to expect and what the next step is now. I don't get to know that in this situation....and I don't like it at all. I am learning all the questions I need to ask the surgeon so that I can be as educated about this as possible. My mom worked for a cancer center for many years. This would be when I would be asking her all about this. Since I can't, YouTube is teaching me.
I'm not scared about the surgery. I've had a TON of surgeries in my life because of my seizure disorder. I'm scared about the recovery process and what treatment will be needed. The thought of Chemotherapy scares me to death. I'm scared about how it will affect my job and the life of those around me. There are so many unknowns. I know EXACTLY what to expect with my VNS and RNS surgeries. I'm worried about how I'll look and if it will be obvious. With my other surgeries, you would never know by looking at me that I've had any. I fear this will be different.
Tomorrow morning I'll schedule the consultation with my surgeon and we'll go from there. In the end, all I can do is what I've always done:
Looks like I now get to be an advocate for not only the month of November, but now October, too! Can we stop at those two months now?!?
I will be spoiling EVERYTHING about The Rise of Skywalker, so if you haven't seen it yet, now is the time to leave; but PLEASE come back and read this once you have!
Ok, you've been warned. Continuing on.....
Just like before, to make writing this easier for me, I'm going to be using a lot of acronyms. Here is a list, to help anyone who is unfamiliar with them:
TPM= The Phantom Menace AOTC = Attack of The Clones TCW = The Clone Wars ROTS = Revenge of The Sith RO = Rogue One ANH = A New Hope ESB = Empire Strikes Back ROTJ = Return of the Jedi TFA = The Force Awakens TLJ = The Last Jedi TROS = The Rise of Skywalker EU = Expanded Universe OT = Original Trilogy And here a new, VERY IMPORTANT acronym: MB = Member Berries; something that evokes feelings of nostalgia. The sequel trilogy has relied HEAVILY on it
The Last Jediforever divided the fans. Two years later people are still fighting with each other about whether this movie was the greatest thing ever made, or the worst thing to ever happen to Star Wars. To read my reviews of both The Force Awakens, and The Last Jedi, click HERE, and HERE.
I was expecting this movie to be a train wreck. I'd heard MANY of the rumors that Disney ALLOWED to surface, and figured I'd be coming out of the theater laughing. I've had 2 years to realize and digest the fact that Star Wars will never be the same while Disney owns it. Knowing this didn't make the movie any easier to stomach.
The Rise of Skywalker moves at about 1,000 MPH so that you don't realize things aren't being explained to you, the audience. From the moment the opening crawl ends until about the last 30 minutes of the movie, you aren't given the chance to breath and take in what you're watching. There are so many things happening on screen, it's frustrating and difficult to pay attention. This felt like it was 2 movies smashed into one, which was unfortunate. Had they simply SLOWED DOWN, maybe made a fourth movie, and taken their time, this had the potential to be awesome. Again, remember that Disney has done this so that you don't have the chance to recognize the plot points that make absolutely no sense. Just as you're about to catch on....BOOM....we're off to another planet or problem. It took multiple views for me to catch everything, which I also think was part of Disney's plan. Disney wants your money. I've now seen this movie 3 times, and I think I've spotted enough issues to give an accurate review. Is Disney going to be able to stick the landing for this last episode of what has now become stupidly referred to as "The Skywalker Saga"? In one word: NO.
I have SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS MOVIE. I'm going to go over the BIG, GLARING issues, and then I'm going to nitpick. Here we go.
1. The Plot
The plot is a big, fat mess. It's very difficult to explain it, so here's a video to help you out.
I think that about covers it.
2. The Return of Emperor Palpatine
The Last Jedi left JJ Abrams trapped in a corner. Not only did Ruin (Rian) Johnson butcher and kill Luke Skywalker, but he had the main villain chopped in half an hour into the movie. Where was he to go from here? Well, since JJ, Ruin, and Disney, have basically been copying and pasting from the OT, why not just keep stealing ideas? I know....let's bring back the VERY DEAD EMPEROR. Better yet, let's also reveal he's alive in the OPENING CRAWL, and expose his entire plan in the first seven minutes of the movie! We don't need to use this reveal to help build up the story! What a GREAT IDEA!
Are you kidding me? When I heard his unmistakable cackle in the trailer, I rolled my eyes so hard that I was afraid they would pop out the back of my head. Emperor Palpatine is DEAD. Vader, who had turned back to the good side, and was once again Anakin Skywalker, threw his old, wrinkly butt down the REACTOR CORE OF THE DEATH STAR.
Does anyone working at Disney and Lucasfilm remember this?
Apparently not. If this wasn't enough to convince you that he was dead, how about this, which took place about 5 minutes later?
Umm...I don't care HOW strong in the Force you are, light or dark, you're NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THIS EXPLOSION! Ian McDiarmid, the actor who has played the Emperor in all movies, said in an interview last week that he had a conversation with George Lucas a few years ago regarding whether or not the Emperor was actually dead. Lucas made it clear that the Emperor was, indeed, dead. Thanks, Disney.
So, how is it possible that Palpatine survived all of this? We aren't given an answer to this one. As Kylo Ren is walking into the new throne room, we hear Sheev (that's the Emperor's name, for those who didn't know) repeat the line he gave Anakin in ROTS:
It's later implied that he may be a clone, but nothing is ever explained. I have a feeling that the book adaptation of TROS will try to explain this away, however, I shouldn't need to read a book or a comic to get the entire story. Why wasn't Kylo Ren turned into the lead villain? He became the Supreme Leader at the end of TLJ, and this is the obvious next step. There was no need to bring Palpatine back.
3. A ZILLION Star Destroyers
While talking with Kylo during the first seven minutes of the movie, (A LOT HAPPENS in these first seven minutes!) it's also revealed that Palpatine has this MASSIVE fleet. He raises the Star Destroyers out of the water, and tells Kylo that it can all be his if he kills Rey. Umm...what?!? Where did he get the THOUSANDS of people needed to command these ships, the MONEY needed to build all of these, and while we're at it: were all the people inside these ships living underwater for the past 30 years?!? It's this kind of crap that makes me mad.
4. Death Star - Star Destroyers
Oh, did I forget to mention that now each Star Destroyer has a Death Star laser on it?!? What's better than one Death Star.....an entire PLANET that's a Death Star! What do we do when that planet is destroyed....we create an entire FLEET of Star Destroyers that have Death Star lasers on them! This is just getting dumber and dumber.
5. The Rebel Fleet
To fight against all these new and improved Star Destroyers, the Resistance (Rebellion) launches an attack. Where did all of these people come from? At the end of TLJ, a call is made for ANYONE to come and help. They all receive the message, yet NO ONE SHOWS UP. All it took was Lando and Chewie flying around the galaxy for a few hours to assemble the largest fleet we've ever seen by the Rebellion? Sure, Lando is a smooth talker, but this is a load of crap.
6. C3PO and Chewbacca
When I first saw this part of the trailer, I knew there was NO WAY ON THIS PLANET that 3PO was talking about Rey, Poe, and Finn when he was talking about taking a last look at his friends. He HAD to be seeing a picture of his actual friends during this emotional moment. You know, these guys:
And then I saw the movie...and he was talking about 3 people he BARELY KNEW. Such a let down. This was supposed to be a sad moment. Here is C3PO having his mind wiped AGAIN, only this time because it was a plot convenience. I was actually bumming out. But no need to worry, because about 30 minutes later his mind is magically restored by R2D2!
This same stupid move was used earlier in the movie with Chewbacca. He's captured and being taken to a ship by The First Order. Rey attempts to bring the transport down to the ground using the Force, and it blows up. When I first saw this, my thought was, "Well, Disney is killing all of the OT characters. Guess it was Chewie's time"...and I was pissed. But no need to worry, five minutes later it's revealed that Chewie was on a different transport and he's alive. By the way, there was NO OTHER SHIP in the sky. I looked for this on my 2nd and 3rd viewing of this movie! Why does Disney even bother with this misdirection if they're going to undo it all ten minutes later? So pointless.
And while we're talking about Chewbacca, where did Maz get the medal? I heard on YouTube that in some book or comic, Han Solo had sold Luke's medal from A New Hope. That is so unbelievable. Han Solo wouldn't do that. Apparently this is the medal she gives to Chewie. I'm sorry, but this felt like a slap in the face to the fans, and the character of Chewbacca. This was one of the biggest changes the fans wished Lucas had made when he released the Special Editions back in 1997. Unfortunately, he never did.
7. Leia
Carrie Fisher died shortly after completing work on The Last Jedi. There was so much speculation about how they were going to handle her character in The Rise of Skywalker. The decision was made that unused footage of her from TFA would be how they would continue her story. Unfortunately, it was creepy. It was obvious that everyone's dialogue was written around what she had already said, and knowing that she passed on just felt weird. Leia should've been killed in the beginning of this movie, or better yet, she should've passed at the end of TLJ.
They killed Leia off in the dumbest way. She feels the need to call out to Ben, and somehow, that kills her. Luke had to physically project himself across the galaxy and engage in a lightsaber fight before he was killed (which STILL makes my blood boil), but all Leia had to do was use the Force to call out to Ben? TLJ showed us that she's not that weak in the Force. Remember "Leia Poppins"? And this movie shows us that she actually did train with Luke. So why did simply calling out to Ben kill her? Such lazy writing. And not a proper send off to a beloved character and actress.
We were given the opportunity to see characters mourn the loss of another. We were denied Luke's reaction to Han's death since Ruin decided to cut the scene from TLJ. Chewie hardly reacted to Han's death in TFA, and wasn't given a hug by Leia, but when Leia died, the fans FINALLY got to see the emotions we would expect our characters to be feeling! Watching Chewie realize that he's now lost EVERYONE was heartbreaking. It's touched me each time.
8. Luke
JJ Abrams had to retcon (retroactive continuity) A LOT of TLJ. Most of those changes came with the scene where our beloved, DEAD, COWARDLY Jedi Master reappeared. Unfortunately, this scene also created MANY more issues.
Rey went back to Ahch-To, the island where Luke hid for years. She is angry and has decided to do the same thing Luke has done...hide away. She goes to throw her lightsaber away, when suddenly it's stopped mid-air by Luke's hand, and he comes walking towards her while holding it. The theater I was in erupted in screams when this happened. I wanted to scream in excitement too, but couldn't. It was a cool shot, but there was no logic behind it.
He tells Rey that "A Jedi's weapon deserves more respect". I seriously almost choked on my popcorn when I heard that. This line was a clear "middle finger" to Ruin Johnson, but it made Luke look even dumber. If a Jedi's weapon deserves more respect, then WHY DID YOU THROW YOUR FATHER'S LIGHTSABER OVER YOUR SHOULDER AND INTO THE OCEAN?!? Luke then continues to tell Rey that he was wrong to hide away on Ahch-To, another middle finger to Ruin. That made me laugh. I have one other big problem. Luke's hair was longer in this movie than it was in TLJ. I mean, a lot longer. I caught it the moment he came on screen. HOW DOES A DEAD MAN'S HAIR GROW?
9. The Force
I need to detour here for a moment. The sequel trilogy has made a lot of people mad for many reasons. One of the most controversial issues has been how the Force can suddenly do so much more than it could before. There are new powers on display in this movie, and it's just getting ridiculous. In the past, Force Ghosts only came around to give encouragement to the Jedi, or enlighten them about things. Obi-Wan called out to Luke multiple times during ANH, and at the beginning of ESB he still only appeared briefly. Take this quote from Obi-Wan in ESB:
FORCE GHOSTS CAN'T INTERFERE with what is going on around them. Canon created. Done.
Then TLJ comes around and throws all that lore out the window. Ghost Yoda appears to Luke while he's on Ahch-To, and, well, see for yourself:
This looks like interfering to me! So, now Force Ghosts can shoot lightning from the sky?!? Gee, you think maybe Luke could've used that help in ESB when he was literally FREEZING to death on Hoth?
While talking to Rey in TROS, Ghost Luke uses the Force to pull his X-Wing up from the bottom of the ocean so that she can take it. Here is another example of something a Force Ghost shouldn't be able to do! This was a stupid call back to ESB when Luke couldn't pull it out of the swamp on Dagobah. Ooooo, Member Berries (MB)....now Luke can do it! That's so exciting! Sorry, but no. This just isn't how Star Wars has ever worked. And on a side note: my nephew called to my attention whether or not his X-Wing should even be working in the first place. We know it worked after being pulled out of the swamp, but Luke's been on the island for YEARS. It's an interesting thought.
The Force can now do pretty much anything. Another new power that has been established is the ability to heal. Early in TROS, Rey "transfers" life energy to heal a wound on this ginormous snake who is threatening to kill her, Finn, and Poe. Later on, in what must be Rey and Kylo's MILLIONTH dual, she stabs him with his lightsaber, and it looks as if he is going to die. Rey decides to use this power to heal his wound.
This new power brings TONS of plot holes with it. If you can use the Force to heal wounds, then why didn't Obi-Wan heal Qui-Gon Jinn when Darth Maul ran a lightsaber through him? Why couldn't Anakin simply heal his mother when she was beat up by the Tusken Raiders in AOTC? Luke and Anakin lost an arm. No problem, they should be able to heal themselves. If Force Healing really is a thing, then Anakin didn't need the Emperor to help save Padme from dying during childbirth....he could've saved her himself, and then the story would be over! No Darth Vader, no Empire, nothing. This power COMPLETELY changes Star Wars.
PREACH HAN SOLO, PREACH
The last new power I recognized is this ability to "force teleport". Rey and Kylo have been able to talk to each other using the Force. This I am absolutely on board with. However, in TROS, Kylo is able to pull a necklace from Rey's neck....even though she's thousands of miles away. They are able to have a dual on his ship, even though he's on a planet! This being said, I have to admit that there was one time in the movie where I really did like this ability. When Rey was able to teleport a lightsaber to the now redeemed Ben Solo, THAT was cool. I'm guessing it worked for me then because Kylo was finally a good guy and it was the climax of the movie. But, I digress.
10. Kylo Ren / Ben Solo
The entire sequel trilogy should've been about the rise and fall of Kylo Ren. He has never been one of my favorite characters, but he has the most compelling story. Rey should've been a character he found along HIS journey. This never should've been HER journey. You have the conflicted grandson of Darth Vader, nephew to Luke Skywalker, son of Leia and Han, and you don't focus on THAT STORY?!? Such a wasted opportunity. If you're going to blatantly steal story lines from the EU, (which was COMPLETELY done by having Han and Leia's son evil), at least do it right!
Over the past two years, MANY have wanted Kylo and Rey to end up together. They became known as Reylo, for those who wished it, and I never quite saw it. Sure, they were connected through the Force, but I didn't get anything romantic from it. He saved her in TLJ, but immediately went back to his evil self. He continued to fight Rey another 100 times in this movie, and it began to get old for me. I knew that there was NO WAY Disney was going to kill off Rey. But I did have a very strong feeling that they were going to kill Kylo, especially since it was obvious that he would be redeemed.
My FAVORITE scene in this ENTIRE MOVIE is right after Leia dies, and Rey heals him. Han shows up in Kylo's memory. Like Luke, Han's hair was longer than the last time Kylo saw him alive, and he has scruff on his face. When Kylo killed Han, there was no scruff on his face. WHY DID THEY DO THIS?
I couldn't believe they got Harrison Ford to come back for this 60 second scene. They practically mirror the conversation they had on the catwalk during TFA. Only this time, Han convinces Kylo to return home, and leave the dark side behind. Han touches Ben's face. He clearly has a MILLION things he wants to say to his father. Ben simply says, "Dad", and then Han Solo, our beloved scruffy looking nerf herder says, "I know". Not only was this a display of gut wrenching emotion, but it was a beautiful call back to the "I love you", "I know" phrase that Harrison Ford created in ESB. This is a MB that I will take! Kylo throws his lightsaber into the ocean, turns around, and Han is gone. It was wonderful to see a different emotion from Ben Solo. He's really good at being angry, but I fell in love with him the moment he expressed something besides anger.
Having been redeemed, Ben then goes to find Rey to help her defeat the Emperor. We watch Ben fight the Knights of Ren. I have a feeling JJ Abrams meant for this group to be much more involved in the trilogy. The scene they were in during TFA made them look like they were going to be important, but when they weren't in TLJ, they should've just been forgotten about. They're brought back here for 5 minutes, Ben kicks their butts after receiving the saber from Rey, and that's it. I'm curious to know why they turned against Ben in the first place. Were they not loyal to him? It's like when the Praetorian Guards began fighting Rey and Kylo in TLJ. Why? Shouldn't the guards have become loyal to Kylo when Snoke was killed?
Anyway, Rey kills Palpatine....because she's Rey.... however, she dies in the process. Ben manages to crawl out of the hole the Emperor had pushed him into, and uses the stupid "Force Heal" trick to bring her back to life.
I'm going to stop here for a minute and revisit this healing garbage. Not only can the Force heal, but it can now resurrect the dead? ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY KIDDING ME? Well, now there's no reason for ANYONE to EVER die! Once again, if you can now use the Force to RESURRECT people, then Qui-Gon should've been healed, Anakin's mother would be alive, and Padme never would've died. No more of this, "loosing the will to live" crap; Obi-Wan and Yoda were right there to fix things. Oh, and doesn't this also mean that at the end of ROTJ, Luke could've healed the, now redeemed, Anakin Skywalker?
JJ Abrams then makes a stupid move and decides to pander to the Reylo fans. The first thing Rey does after her resurrection is kiss Ben. I knew this was coming. I could sense it was about to happen, and then watching it, I wanted to throw up. In my opinion, there had been NO ROMANTIC CHEMISTRY between these two characters. Why JJ, why?
The ONLY part about this that I enjoyed was watching Ben SMILE. Unfortunately, I couldn't just find a picture of it, so excuse me while I show you a 4 second clip of his smile. I have a feeling YouTube will flag this clip and eventually take it down, so enjoy it while it's here.
Ok, I did find a picture, just not without that stupid writing in the way! The non-critic in me LOVES this picture. Adam Driver is a very handsome man. That smile is just...wow. Harrison Ford has ALWAYS been my celebrity crush, but oh man, I'm now very interested in learning more about Adam Driver.
After the ridiculous kiss, Ben died. Why? I'm guessing they'll try to explain it away by saying he had to give Rey his entire life to bring her back, thus explaining why other Jedi and people weren't saved the same way. How funny would it have been to watch them just continue bringing each other back to life?!? Now that I think about it, ALL OF THE JEDI were just with Rey to help her defeat the Emperor. Since they can now do physical things, why weren't they there to help heal Ben so that he could live his life as a redeemed Jedi Knight? On top of that, why didn't they just heal Rey to begin with? Then Ben wouldn't have had to give up his life in the first place! If they were going for an emotional impact with his death, it didn't quite resonate the way Anakin's did at the end of ROTJ. That was a father who just saved his son.
Ben Solo needed to be in this movie a whole lot longer than the 10 minutes we were given. His redemption should've happened at the beginning of the movie. It then could've focused on he and Rey working together to defeat the Emperor, then going on to train new Jedi. If they wanted to then take it in a romantic direction, go for it. The romance would've had much more time to develop and it wouldn't have seemed so out of the blue and rushed. All it took was Ben turning back to hook me on his character. Did you realize that he never spoke one line of dialogue as Ben Solo?!? We deserved to see more of this.
11. The Death of Emperor: Take 2
For 30 years the Emperor has been living on the planet Exegol, somehow building this ridiculously large fleet, and apparently being the puppet master behind turning Kylo Ren to evil. At the beginning of the movie, he wants Kylo to kill Rey and to give Kylo the fleet. Then he changes his mind and decides to try and tempt Rey to the dark side and make her the new Empress (oh, we'll get to that connection in a minute!) This is when TROS turns into Return of the Jedi 2.0. Actually, almost 3.0. We have to sit through YET ANOTHER copy and paste of the throne room scene from both ROTJ and TLJ. Palpatine attempts to convince Rey to kill him so that she can become the Empress and take control of the fleet. He opens up the ceiling and shows her how her friends are all dying in the air strike. Then he decides to just shoot lightning up to the sky and disables most of the ships. Unlike Luke, she decides to do what Palpatine wants, and is just about to give in, when she senses Ben Solo has arrived to help. That's when she "teleports" a lightsaber to Ben, and after killing the pointless Knight of Ren, he comes to help her. Palpatine then begins to drain the life out of both Ben and Rey. Doing this somehow puts all of their life into him, making him whole again, and is no longer connected to the stupid machine he's attached to. Palpatine pushes Ben over a cliff, and Rey is down for the count. (The fall that Ben took should've killed him, but oh well.)
Here is when this really just gets stupid. Rey begins to call out to all of the Jedi who have come before her, hoping they will help give her the strength to kill Palpatine. We hear the voices of Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Anakin, Luke, Yoda, and a few characters from other cartoons, all urging her to get up and fight, saying that they will be with her. She takes her lightsaber, stands up, and faces Palpatine.
Do you remember how the Emperor ended up with a wrinkly face to begin with? Apparently he does not. I present Exhibit A:
I don't think that you'd forget being struck by lightning bolts in the face by a lightsaber.
Having copied and pasted from almost every Star Wars movie, JJ now decides it's time to steal from another franchise: Marvel. The Emperor says, "I am all the Sith". Any idea what Rey says in return? I saw this coming a mile away, and even said it out loud in the theater. Say it with me now: "I am all the Sith", "And I am.....Iron Man". Okay, not really. She says, "And I am all the Jedi". She might as well have said Iron Man. Moving on...
Rey is facing Palpatine with her lightsaber on, and what does he do? He begins to shoot lightning at her through his fingertips like he did to Luke in ROTJ. And what does Rey do? She deflects it with her lightsaber, directly back onto his face! This man learned NOTHING. This was a stupid, stupid decision by JJ. WHY would the Emperor spend 30 YEARS preparing a plan only to loose the same way as before? Rey didn't throw him down a reactor core, but he basically melted away.
This "death" wasn't earned, and it completely takes away from Vader's sacrifice in ROTJ. Anakin gave his life to kill the man who was killing his son, and the man lived anyway. And who's to say that the Emperor won't just come back again? He's already been blown to bits once, what's a little melting away going to do? Having brought him back in the dumbest way possible, there's now no real way to know he isn't still alive, or can't find another stupid way to return.
12. Rey
Now we come to the character that Disney desperately wants us to love. At the beginning of the movie, she is training on some course that has been made on whatever planet the Rebels are on. I think this was JJ trying to retcon her character and make her look less like a "Mary Sue". She actually struggles with the course, which was refreshing to see.
For over two years people have been debating about who this character is related to. Is she a Skywalker, a Kenobi, a Solo? Well, we find out in this movie. After being told by Kylo Ren in TLJ that her parents were no one important, just people who sold her for drinking money, Disney has decided that Rey is the granddaughter of Emperor Palpatine. SERIOUSLY? I believe this is once again a way to retcon her ridiculous abilities and explain why it's so easy for her to use the Force. However, this revelation only brings up more problems.
Apparently Sheev found someone to procreate with. Yuck. For years, people have speculated that the Emperor somehow impregnated Anakin's mom, Shmi, using the Force. That theory would hold up here. However, Disney has recently come out and said that theory is wrong; Palpatine isn't the father of Anakin. So who in the world did he have sex with to create a child? Again....ewwww! According to Wikipedia, he has a son. It is revealed in The Rise of Skywalker that this son married and renounced his father. They took their daughter, Rey, to the planet of Jakku. Palpatine eventually found them, and had them both killed since they wouldn't hand Rey over to him. He never found Rey.
Okay. They use Rey's lineage as a way to explain away her INSANE ability to use the Force without receiving any training at all. This is supposed to be the reason she can magically know how to use the Jedi mind trick without having ever seen it, fight like a Jedi Knight during her first battle with Kylo Ren, know about this new Force Healing power, and can suddenly man a boat across the most dangerous waters to the Death Star wreckage after having never seen rain before TLJ. Unfortunately, all this explanation did was cement her "Mary Sue" status. Luke IS a Skywalker who received training from both Obi-Wan and Yoda. He couldn't do ANY OF THE STUFF that Rey can do, and it's just stupid. He can't raise the X-Wing in ESB, he couldn't even keep the rocks raised up. And he LOST to Vader in their first battle! She NEVER LOOSES until she's face to face with Grandpa Palps.
Here's another question: if Rey is so powerful because the Emperor is her grandfather, then why didn't HER FATHER MAGICALLY KNOW HOW TO USE THE FORCE and have the ability to fight off the people who were sent to kill both he and his wife? Renouncing his father wouldn't have taken away his ability to use the Force. He should've been able to kick the crap out of them! The Jedi mind trick should've been all his son needed to keep any of his father's goons at bay. It just doesn't add up.
It was upon my second viewing of the movie that I caught one of the most slap in the face moments regarding Rey. Apparently both Luke and Leia KNEW SHE WAS A PALPATINE. EXCUSE ME? Can someone explain to me how this is possible? Everyone, including Luke and Leia, thought that the Emperor was DEAD. Rey wasn't born until AFTER ROTJ. How would they have known that the dead Emperor has a granddaughter? And why train her? I'm guessing they chose to "train" her because they were hoping she wouldn't turn to the dark side. One last thing on this: why is it that Luke Skywalker almost kills his NEPHEW on PURPOSE because he senses the dark side in him, but he doesn't KILL the granddaughter of Palpatine? None of this crap makes any sense anymore.
In the end, Rey ends up with EVERYTHING that once belonged to either Luke, or Han. She doesn't earn any of it. She ends up with Luke's X-Wing, both he and Leia's lightsabers. Somehow she ends up with the Falcon when it should be with Lando and Chewie. Rey manages to find the Lars' Homestead where Luke's Aunt and Uncle lived, and we see her new lightsaber, with the hilt made from her staff. A lightsaber requires what is called a Kyber Crystal to be created. These crystals are very rare. I find it VERY hard to believe that the abandoned Homestead just happens to have a Kyber Crystal hanging around. In the end, she decides to take the name of Skywalker, because she has chosen to identify as one. When asked who she is, she responds, "Rey, Rey Skywalker". NO, NO, NO, NO, AND NO. She IS NOT A SKYWALKER. If they wanted that, then the writers should've made her one to begin with. She is a PALPATINE. Rey even took Luke's twin suns shot at the very end of the movie! Again, NO, NO, NO, AND NO. I hated when they did it at the end of ROTS, and I hate it even more at the end of TROS!
The climax of the "Skywalker Saga", a phrase I HATE, is all about two PALPATINE FAMILY MEMBERS fighting each other. It isn't even about any Skywalkers.Let that one sink in for a minute.
13. Nitpicks
The Death Star Wreckage
How is THIS MUCH of the second Death Star left, when we saw this happen to it?
The Throne Room is still there, complete with the Emperor's chair. There's even enough room for Kylo and Rey to have ANOTHER fight. I'm not buying for ONE SECOND that ANY of the Death Star remained intact.
Lando
Our favorite smooth talking smuggler deserved more time in this movie. It was so fun seeing him with the group again, and where I know that the actor Billy Dee Williams is old, and apparently doesn't walk well, they could've given him a little more to do. More Rebellious Stormtroopers
Finn is no longer the only Stormtrooper who revolted. We're introduced to Jannah, a former Stormtrooper who, along with her entire company, decided to lay their weapons down and stop fighting. Why is there no contingency plan for this? I'm sorry, but if an entire company of troopers stopped fighting, the First Order would have them KILLED, plain and simple.
Is Finn Force Sensitive?
Besides continuing to CONSTANTLY screamRey's name, which at this point, is BEYOND ANNOYING, it's also implied that he may be Force sensitive. He feels when Rey dies, and was wanting to tell her something when it looked like they were going to die. Maybe he just wanted to confess his love for her, which would've made A WHOLE MORE SENSE than this Reylo stuff, but oh well. One more thing that bothered me about Finn:
Are we SERIOUSLY supposed to believe that Finn, a former Stormtrooper, who left the First Order just a year ago, doesn't know that the Stormtroopers can fly?!? Jet packs have been used since Jango Fett used one in the prequels, which took place 30 YEARS before this movie!
General Hux
Hux was turned into comic relief in TLJ, so TROS had to come up with something, anything for him to do. Turns out, there's a mole in the First Order, and we're supposed to believe the story that it's him. OH REALLY?!? Two movies ago, in TFA, he delivers this Nazi-like speech about destroying the Rebellion. He watched as Starkiller Base blew up three or four planets right in front of him. Now we're supposed to believe that he's a spy? And the reason he's now a spy? He hates Kylo Ren more than he wants to First Order to win. HOW STUPID! I liked the reveal, but it was useless because two scenes later, he's killed. Hux will join Boba Fett, and Captain Phasma in the group of bad guys whose deaths, and characters, were completely pointless.
Rose
Here's one thing I was COMPLETELY okay with. Rose Tico, one of the most ridiculous characters ever created in Star Wars, was given the Jar Jar treatment in this movie. What does the "Jar Jar treatment" mean? Well, when the prequels came out, people DESPISED the character of Jar Jar Binks. If you'll notice, he had one scene in AOTC, and I think only one in ROTS. The nitpick here is that some are going ballistic over her removal, crying people are racist, and crap like that. No, we just hated this poorly written character, who in the end was the reason the rebel base was blown up in TLJ. If she'd let Finn make his self-sacrifice, the cannon would've been destroyed.
Lingering Questions:
How did Maz get Luke's lightsaber that was lost during his fight with Vader on Bespin?
- Well, we're never going to know this answer. Explain it away in a book all you want, but if it's important, and it is to MANY fans, PUT IT IN THE MOVIE!
How did Kylo Ren get Vader's mask?
- I really wanted to know the answer to this one. Somehow it managed to survive the funeral pyre that Luke created after Vader's death while he was on Endor, but come on, how did he get it?
Why was there a map to Luke Skywalker when he didn't want to be found?
- This was all Ruin Johnson's fault. I don't think this is where JJ was going with this. I believe he had a reason. However, we will never know. And that makes me mad.
So, there's my review. In the end, I enjoyed this movie more than TLJ. Unfortunately, there were just too many things happening, too many plot points that made no sense, or changed the lore, and like I said earlier, it felt like two movies squished into one. I could continue with this review, because trust me, I have MANY MORE ISSUES. However, my brain hurts, and frankly, I'm tired of talking about Disney Star Wars, a phrase that the sequel trilogy has become known as.
There was SO MUCH potential with this trilogy. While finishing this post today, I was watching a special on the making of TFA, and my heart just dropped. Disney was handed the keys to the kingdom by George Lucas. He even gave them story outlines, despite Disney saying they had nothing to work with.....liars. I wish that George Lucas hadn't sold Star Wars to Disney. I was SO EXCITED about it when the new trilogy was announced, but hindsight is 20/20. I wish the sequel trilogy didn't exist. As far as I'm concerned, Star Wars ends with ROTJ. The bummer is that no matter how hard I try to put these three movies out of my mind, they'll still always be there. My canon is the EU. The books that I have grown to love. The stories these books tell about our beloved heroes and were canon for almost 25 years. That will be my canon from here on out.
Geez Wendy, it sounds like you just hate Star Wars. I LOVE STAR WARS. That's why I'm so angry about all of this. Some may think I'm crazy to put this much thought into a movie. Maybe, but Star Wars has been an important part of my life for DECADES. I am PASSIONATE about these stories and characters. Watching Disney run my beloved franchise into the ground has just hurt my soul. I fear that these movies will make Star Wars irrelevant; that in 10 or 20 years it will no longer be remembered. My wish is that Disney simply leaves Star Wars alone for quite some time. I won't be watching any future stand alone films. I hear the TV show The Mandalorian is great, but I won't pay for Disney Plus. In a few years, when the Obi-Wan Kenobi series fans have BEGGED for finally comes out, I'll pay to check that out. Ewan McGregor is the BEST part of the prequels, and I look forward to seeing that series.
To end on a positive note, here is a video I found that celebrates the Original Trilogy. A time before both the Prequel and Sequel trilogies existed. Enjoy.
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