Another Milestone

Well, Thursday I had my first haircut since April of 2022.  I was really nervous going into it, but I finally had enough hair, and it was time to do it.

I went to the same lady who chopped my hair off before I started chemotherapy, so it really was a full circle.  It's funny now, but when I first had my hair cut, I only got emotional when she began to shave my sides off, like in the picture on the top right of the collage.  I hated this so much that Nick helped me shave it that next weekend (bottom left picture).  When she cut my hair this time, my sides were cut short again.  I didn't even care!  I was surprised by how much hair was cut off during this first cut!  I knew it needed to be done to help my hair grow in evenly.

HAIR PROGRESSION

Hair as of January, 2023; about 6 months post chemotherapy:

I'm okay with this cut.  Friday was the first time I went out of the house without a chemotherapy cap on since last April.  I was very nervous doing my hair that morning and found myself getting emotional about it.  I wasn't very confident about my natural hair color, and I just couldn't believe I was using my usual shampoo and conditioner, and putting product in my hair again.  It has been 10 months!  Walking into the school I worried about what people would say.  They all noticed that I wasn't wearing a cap, and thankfully, they all complimented my hair.  My students instantly knew something was different, and loved seeing my hair...they've never seen it!  I even had a random 3rd grader in school, who I don't know, tell me he liked my hair!

This meant that I was now able to pack up my chemotherapy caps.  I've had these two coat racks in my room since April, and found caps that I liked to wear each day.

Here is the wig I bought.  I found out quickly that I didn't like wearing a wig.  It was very tight on my head, and simply uncomfortable.  I would only wear this when I had a job interview, so it served its purpose.

All packed up, including my lumpectomy pillow.

The coat racks are pretty empty now!  I need to figure out what to do with these.  We'll keep at least one in the house.  Maybe the other will go into the basement.  

I'm thrilled that my hair is growing back so quickly.  I'm almost done taking the hair supplement that I've been using since July, and I'm now using my old shampoo and conditioner instead of the specific hair growth wash.

I've been given a prescription for adult acne.  It continues to get worse.  The ridiculous part is that it will take up to THREE MONTHS for this to kick in!  I'm really tired of cancer drugs, chemotherapy drugs, and now menopause screwing with my body.  I didn't have acne like this when I was young, I shouldn't have to be dealing with it now!!

On January 31st it will be a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Tomorrow is the anniversary of my first mammogram in the mobile unit at my doctor's office.  I've said it before, but I can't stress the importance of NOT having your first mammogram done in a mobile unit.  At the end they tell you they'll probably need you to go to the main hospital for better images anyway, so this is a pointless trip.  It was at this second trip that I was diagnosed.

Looking back at this last year, it went by really fast.  I can't believe it's almost been a year since this all started.  It didn't feel like it was going fast in the middle of it, but you know what I mean!  I look forward to my body continuing to heal from all the poison that was pumped into it.  

The Fallout From Cancer

Almost a year ago my life changed forever.  On January 31, 2022, I was told that I had breast cancer.  After a long battle that included surgery, hair loss, months of pain, harmful chemicals being pushed into my body, undergoing radiation treatments, all the while having to look for a new job, applying for many jobs, and attending stressful interviews, I am done.  I had an ultrasound mammogram done of October 26th and found out on November 2nd that I am officially CANCER FREE!  I can't describe how glad I am that the treatments are over that the cancer is gone.

Where I wish it would've been smooth sailing since becoming cancer free, it has been anything but that.  To help keep the cancer from returning, I now take an anti-estrogen pill that has created some frustrating side effects.  I'm only 44 and I'm in full blown menopause.  It's ridiculous.  I experience multiple hot flashes each day, and have to have access to a fan at school, at home during the day, and at night.  Even though it's winter, and it's freezing outside, I have a fan on.  Unfortunately, due to the age of the building I work in, my classroom is always a balmy 75 degrees, so the fan doesn't bother the kids very much.  I tell them to wear their jackets if it does!!

  

When I first began this medication, it was too strong, making me so tired that I literally couldn't keep my eyes open.  Working at a brand new job, this wasn't the kind of impression I wanted to make, so we had to lower the dose.  That stopped the problem with keeping my eyes open, but continues to make me tired.

The chemotherapy drugs are now out of my system, however, the entire process continues to mess with my body.  I've learned that there is actually something called "Chemo Brain", where your memory is affected.  My neurological issues already screw with my memory, so this is making me look like an idiot.  I've mentioned how the color of my skin has changed on a previous post.  Now another skin issue is happening.  I've never struggled with acne, but I am now...even though I'm in menopause and I've always heard that crap is supposed to stop during that time!  

The scar tissue from my lumpectomy is interesting.  Not only is it larger than I thought it would be, but it's so hard that you'd think I have another tumor, making it uncomfortable based on how I'm laying down.

The most ridiculous, frustrating, embarrassing, time consuming and painful side effects I continue to deal with are my gastrointestinal issues. They make me miserable.  I had to have a colonoscopy to check for problems in my colon because of what I'm dealing with.  Luckily, there is nothing wrong.  It was the most disgusting preparation for a procedure I've ever had to go through, since you are asked to drink a concoction of different nasty products, and you have to drink A LOT of them!  

I want my body back.  I'm tired of "Chemo Brain", being tired all the time, the menopause side effects, and most of all, the gastrointestinal problems.  I've heard that it can take up to a year for your body to completely recover from Chemotherapy.  7 months is a long time to have to continue to deal with these issues.  I've had it.  I believe I've dealt with everything cancer has sent my way without any argument and, on most days, with a smile on my face.  I'm just tapped out.

Okay, there are the bad things.  Sorry if I bummed you out.  Like I've always said, I think it's important to keep this experience real so that not only do I remember it because of my crappy memory, but so that it's available for other people to read in the event that they also develop cancer.  Unfortunately, it's already helping a few people I know.  

I do have good things happening, too!  My hair is regrowing, and it's growing much faster than I thought it would.  I'm using a shampoo and conditioner specifically for hair regrowth, and I take a hair growth supplement.  My hair is growing back much more salt than pepper, and it's definitely growing in with what they call the "Chemotherapy Curl".  It wasn't naturally curly before.  It is right now.  I'm trying to decide whether I'm going to color it like I always have, or keep it its natural color.  I look forward to the day I can pack up all the Chemotherapy caps and hats that I've worn since April.  I have a box ready for them, and I don't think I'll need them much longer.

I'm also finally getting my feet under me at my new job.  It has been a stressful three months as I've learned the new curriculum, and what the school and the district requires of me.  Public schools are very different than charter, and each day I learn more and more.  My administrators have been incredible through this by not only being new, but also being understanding with my health problems.  It has made this part of my life a little easier.

I found an incredible stamping plate, and its theme is cancer.  I look forward to using it in the future, especially next October.

Here's the progression of my hair growth:

August

September

October

November

December

This is the hairstyle I'm thinking about doing.  This is the color my hair is now, and I think it's really cute.  My hair is just about long enough to do this, and then I won't need to wear the caps on my head anymore.

Throughout all of this, I have missed my mom so much.  This is the first medical problem I've had (and I've had MANY) where she hasn't been here.  I like to think that she is proud of me, and how I've dealt with this entire experience.  My memory issues have taken away many memories of her.  If I didn't have pictures, I wouldn't remember what she looked like.  If I didn't happen to have a few recordings of her, I wouldn't remember what she sounded like.  It is a side effect of my neurological issues that has robbed me of so many memories throughout the years.  Important memories that most people take for granted.  NEVER take for granted your memories, good or bad.  

Here's to hoping 2023 is a better year.  It's funny because I've hit my medical deductible within the first 3 months of the year the past 3 years in a row.  It's nice not having to pay for medication and doctor's visits, and to have procedures pretty much paid for!  The "joke" now is, "I wonder what will happen in 2023 to make me reach the deductible"!  It's not really a joke, but I still wonder.  If it's not one thing, it's another.  

Reflections

I had my last radiation treatment yesterday and I'm officially cancer free.  As I sit here this morning, having had a celebratory dinner, (Texas Roadhouse!) I find myself reflecting on the past 7 months.  If you'd like a recap, click HERE for all of my posts about this journey.

You'd think that I'd be screaming from the roof, "I'm cancer free!", but I've found myself feeling very indifferent about this.  I figured this would be the easiest post I'd write concerning this process.  Turns out, I can't quite think of what to say.  Seriously...I really don't know what to say!

Seven months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I cried and screamed.  I was scared and angry.  I didn't know what was going to happen, or how I was going to make it through this diagnosis.  I lost my hair, my taste buds, and a little weight.  I found myself forced to find another job while continuing through chemotherapy adding even more stress to my life.

I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  My body is still recovering from chemotherapy, and will now begin recovering from radiation treatment.  I will go through a few weeks of pain, redness, and itching.  I just started a new school year at a new school, needing to learn a brand new curriculum and computer system.  Technology and I don't get along very well, and after only two days of school I'm completely overwhelmed and on information overload!  Maybe that is why I'm just not as excited about this.  My brain is busy thinking about too many things!

I am worried about continual side effects, such as "chemo brain" where you have trouble remembering things, fatigue that will now be even worse since radiation is over, and the gastroenterology problems I'm still dealing with.  

I will now have a mammogram every six months to not only monitor the spot where I had cancer, but to make sure the very small mass found in my left breast doesn't grow into cancer.  

I will begin taking anti-estrogen pills to help keep cancer cells from regrowing.  These will continue to push my body into menopause, and continual hot flashes will be a constant in my life.  Since I've been told I'm in the hottest room in the building at school, this will be fun!  Sorry, I'm just not feeling very festive right now.  The usual "laughing it off me" just isn't here right now.  This has COMPLETELY changed my body and life, and I'm pretty sure I will be dealing with the side effects until I'm gone.

On a positive note, my hair is slowly growing back.  It's hard to tell because it's all coming in white.  I can eat food again, and there isn't poison running through my veins.  This experience could've been much worse.  Treatment could've been twice as long, and it could've taken my life.  My bouncy self will return, but right now I have to reserve it for 5th graders 5 days a week, 7.5 hours each day!

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and support throughout the past 7 months.  It has been helpful knowing that there have been so many people rooting for me.

Radiation Therapy: Week One

Now that I've completed my 4 rounds of chemotherapy, I will begin Radiation therapy. If you're not familiar with my story, click HERE to get caught up.

I will go through three weeks of therapy, 5 days a week.  Each session will take about 20 minutes.  Last week I had to have parts of my breast "tattooed" with what was described to me as tags so that the radiologists would know how to line me up on the table each day.  These "tags" were poked into me with a needle.  They will leave permanent "freckles" on my skin.  I have 6 of them, and I can clearly see them.  Just another way for cancer to leave its mark on me!

The radiation machine, which is called a Linear Accelerator, is huge.  I lay on my back with my arms above my head.  There are two small poles that I hold onto and once I'm in position I'm not allowed to move at all.  The machine then moves around me.  For once the machine doesn't get too close to me, so I don't feel claustrophobic. 

While I'm undergoing radiation therapy, there are certain "rules" I need to follow so that I don't further irritate my skin.  I have to use aluminum free deodorant to help avoid skin problems.  They gave me a list of products to choose from.  They also have a preferred list of lotions to use to help keep my skin from peeling and to provide comfort.  I've been told to expect my skin to turn red like a sunburn, and to expect it to hurt.  I've also been told that I can't shave my armpit while undergoing radiation.  Here's to hoping my hair doesn't start growing back there!  Radiation will shrink my remaining breast tissue another 10 - 15%....lovely.  I was hoping to avoid breast reduction surgery on my other breast, but I worry that now it may be needed.  We'll see.

Day 1; 7/26/22

I arrived and changed into a gown.  The radiologists are so nice.  They showed me the lockers where I can put my stuff, and I got ready to be taken back to the machine.  I was asked if there was any music I'd like to listen to since they have Spotify.  I told them 80s music all the way!  

After lining me up and letting me know I can't move until they're done, they started the machine.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  Would I see the actual radiation beams, or something else coming through the machine?  Nope.  What they did have was nice ceiling art to look at while I was on the table.  Something similar to this picture:

This first appointment took about 30 minutes since they needed to take x-rays for comparison later on.  It was really easy, and went quickly.

When I got home, I started to notice that I was feeling warm on my right breast.  I wasn't expecting to feel anything this quickly, so I put on the approved lotion that I bought.  I was also more tender than normal, and it was uncomfortable to lay flat on the bed.  I began wondering if I was going to have to figure out another way to comfortably sleep.  

Day 2; 7/27/22

The appointment only took about 15 minutes from the time I got there until the time I left!  I spent less than 5 minutes on the table.  One song on Spotify didn't even finish!  I wasn't as sore as Day 1, but still warm, so I used the cream again.  I will most likely use that every day.

Day 3 & 4; 7/28 - 7/29/22

I was EXHAUSTED day 3 and 4.  It was like my 2nd round of chemotherapy type of exhaustion, where I couldn't even keep my eyelids open.  I'm wondering if the radiation fatigue that isn't supposed to hit me until after treatment is over is hitting me now.  I was told that the side effects could last for up to a year, and since I'm already experiencing the fatigue, I wouldn't be surprised if this is what happens. 

I finally broke down at home yesterday.  I believe I've handled this very well since my diagnosis in January.  I had surgery in March and recovered quickly.  I shaved my head in preparation for chemotherapy and didn't cry hysterically.  I went through two rounds of chemotherapy while continuing to work, two more over the summer, and I believe I handled chemotherapy like a champ.  I've fought through every disgusting side effect that has been thrown my way, many that I'm still struggling with, and have just kept on going, trying so hard to not complain along the way.  But I've had it.  I'm done.  I want control of my body back.  

I'm stressed about how these new side effects will get in the way of my daily life, and how those I continue to experience will make it even more difficult.  It sounds like the radiation effects are possibly worse than chemotherapy effects!  I go back to work on the 10th.  I have a NEW classroom to completely move into and set up, a NEW curriculum to learn, and a NEW job to fulfill.  I will continue to do what I've always done, and, as Dory says, "Keep on swimming".  It's the only way I know how to keep going.

Here's an incredible performance of New Kids on the Block and New Edition from the American Music Awards from January of this year.  

Chemotherapy Update

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted.  If you're not familiar with my story, click HERE to learn all about it.

As you may have realized, I've been gone for a while and haven't been updating my blog.  I've been looking for work since April, and due to potential employers looking you up on social media, I needed to temporarily turn off my blog and my YouTube videos so that I wouldn't be discriminated against.  Let's face it; people are nervous when they hear the word CANCER, and I just couldn't risk it.  So along with surgery and chemotherapy, I've also been stressing about finding a job.  It hasn't been easy.  I'm so excited that I found a job teaching 5th grade at a school nearby!  

Needless to say, I'm thrilled to be back!  So many things have happened since my last post.  The rest of round two of Chemotherapy went well, with no big problems.  I ended the school year and was thrilled to no longer have to juggle both work and Chemotherapy since I still had round 3 and 4 left.

The first thing I did to start my summer?  I went to the New Kids on The Block concert!  There's nothing quite like 20,000 screaming fans to get you going!  We had INCREDIBLE seats.  Closer than the last concert, about 8 rows back from the floor.  I've been a fan of New Kids on The Block (NKOTB) since I was 11.  When I was young, I had their posters all over the walls of my bedroom, and tons of merchandise.  When I was 12, I was able to go to one of their concerts when they came to Fresno, California.  They were "nosebleed" seats, and I don't remember much about the concert at all, but I was able to see them.  In 2008 they came back together and began making new music and touring again.  I've now seen them the last 3 times they've come to Salt Lake City.  They know how to feed off of nostalgia and put on a show!  These 5 men, 4 of whom are over 50, work their butts off each night while on tour, and they make it look easy, still sounding fantastic.  I will go to their concerts until they can't move any longer!

The shirt a friend of a friend made for me

My sister and I

Why yes, the band member in the center picture (Danny Wood) is wearing a Han Solo t-shirt!!

 Never Gonna Give You Up!!  

It was a fabulous night, and one that will always be special to me.

OK, back to the health garbage! Round three of chemotherapy brought a few new side effects.  I had the same antibiotic round one and two, and I had no problems with it.  Round three my body decided that it was suddenly allergic to it.  About 10 days into round three I woke up covered in hives.  I could hardly open my eyes, I was swollen and itching all over, and I could hardly sleep.  Luckily I was able to see my oncologist the next day and was given anti-itch and steroid medications to get rid of the hives.  It worked quickly, which was fabulous.  

I also began developing brown spots on my face.  Apparently this is another side effect of chemotherapy. They are very obvious on the sides of my face, and I also have one on an eyelid, and it makes my eye shadow look weird.  My taste buds returned, along with my appetite.  The only food I've found that I still can't stand is potato chips...no matter the brand.  So much for the weight I'd lost.  I'm guessing it won't take long for it to all come back.  Oh well.

You can clearly see the change in my skin tone.  I am NOT happy about this, and I don't think it will go away!

I've always tried to be open and honest with these posts, and share with you whatever this was doing to my body, no matter how gross.  I've debated for a while about sharing the latest, and most frustrating side effect since it is VERY embarrassing, but I figure, why not?  So here we go...

At the end of round two, I began developing hemorrhoids.  Not just your regular hemorrhoids.  I'm talking hemorrhoids on steroids!  When they first started I had to miss a day of work due to the pain I was in.  It hurt to stand, sit, walk, everything.  And it was difficult to sleep.  I went to the Urgent Care and they only told me to do what I already was doing...thanks for that!  Eventually I was able to see a Gastroenterologist and this side effect is pretty much under control.  I will continue to see the doctor so that this doesn't get out of hand again.  Without a doubt, this has been the worst part of my Chemotherapy experience!

My fourth and final round of Chemotherapy was on July 1st.  At the appointment with the oncologist before my treatment, I was told that chemotherapy would send my body into menopause.  Chemotherapy basically puts the ovaries to sleep, stopping the entire process.  I will begin taking anti estrogen pills since estrogen can stimulate breast cancer cells to grow.  Getting rid of the estrogen will help slow down, and even keep the cancer from returning.  The downside?  Hot flashes, and apparently I will begin growing hair on my face, like men do!  The hot flashes began at the end of round 2, and they haven't been fun.  I also had to deal with another round of hives.  So the theory that I'm allergic to the antibiotic doesn't hold now since I was given a different antibiotic after round three when this happened the first time.  I also continued to suffer through hemorrhoids.  "Hives and Hemorrhoids" became the phrase to describe round three and four!

When I left at the end of chemotherapy that day, I was given this bottle of Apple Cider.  I thought it was really sweet of them.  Many people will ring the bell inside the treatment room when they complete their last round of chemotherapy, but I just didn't feel like doing it.  I only had to go through 4 treatments and they were only four hours each, where many people have to go through 8.  I think it should be reserved for those who have to suffer through 8 rounds and are there for 8 hours each time.

So chemotherapy is finished.  Four months went by pretty fast.  I think my body and mind handled it well.  It could've been a lot worse.  Now the process of getting this poison completely out of my body and regrowing my hair begins.  I was lucky and didn't lose my eyebrows, and still have strands of hair on my head.  I also didn't lose many eyelashes.  I'm noticing that the hairs on my head that survived chemotherapy are already growing longer.  What I'm worried about is that I'm not seeing new hair growing in all the other spots of my scalp.  I've read that about 6 weeks after your last round of chemotherapy is when you should start to see hair growth.  Many people have documented their process on YouTube.  Needless to say, by week 3 many people have significant peach fuzz.  If we count July 1st as the first day of my last treatment, I'm already in week 4, and there's no fuzz.  In an attempt to help the process along, I bought a hair growth supplement and a new shampoo and conditioner made specifically for my situation.  I know this is going to take a long time, but I'm still nervous.  It's a little bittersweet.  I absolutely want my hair back, however, it's become very easy to get ready each morning.  I haven't needed to do anything with my hair, and shaving hasn't been necessary for months now!  

I'm half way done with my cancer treatment.  Chemotherapy is done, and radiation begins in a few days.  I'll have another blog post detailing that treatment later.